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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH wants to sell up to buy DSDs their own place. AIBU?

47 replies

K1092902 · 06/01/2018 18:27

Backstory:

Me and DH moved from London to Manchester when we got married as we wanted to be closer to my parents as my Dad wasn't well at the time- all OK now.

We got our house for an absolute steal in a good area with good schools, lots to do for both adults and the kids while still being quite a quiet town as it was a repossession and we were in the position at the time to be cash buyers.

DH has fallen in love (and I will admit I have in a way) with a house in a neighbouring town that we went to have a nosey at this week. DH now wants to sell up and use some of the money we will make selling the house to put towards a mortgage for our DSDs (we would get them a flat and we will probably be in a position to put down approx a 60% depsoit and be in a position to buy ours outright). We have had our house valued so aware at how much it is worth.

We have talked about moving for a year or two and I was up for it- but things have changed.

DSD2 is 18 and 7 months pregnant. While I dont doubt she will make a great mum and DSD1 will support her I dont think she comprehends how hard it will be and I want to be there to support her for at least a couple of months. I'm just worried it's going to hit her hard and she is really going to struggle not having me or DH there to support her 24/7. Not to mention DSD1 has her own life and doesn't want to be there for her all the time which I can understand 100%

DSD1 only moved in with us a few months ago- her and DSD2 are close and have really bonded but I dont know how they will find living alone together when both of them have always lived with a parent.

That coupled with the fact I'm really not sure if I'm ready to let go of our first family home. DD was born here for starters plus we have many family memories here together and with extended family and friends

AIBU to have my doubts?

OP posts:

GardenGeek · 06/01/2018 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 06/01/2018 19:49

Can you do the same for your daughter?

PerfectPenquins · 06/01/2018 19:59

Buy the flat to help them out but I hope your idiot husband isnt doing this to control them, it wouldn't surprise me one bit.
Please give them a tenancy agreement as well as I can see him chucking them and the baby out if he doesn't get his own way.

Cant believe you are still with him he has shown you who he is loud and clear why on earth would you stay with him?

JaneEyre70 · 06/01/2018 20:00

It sounds a bit heartless - you're in effect throwing out a very young pregnant girl who is going to need a lot of support and love to get through the next first years. I'd say your DH is on a mission to avoid any responsibility for this tbh.

ToffeeUp · 06/01/2018 20:00

What do the DSD's think or is this another way your H is trying to contol their lives?

And what happened with DSD1's car?

SparklyMagpie · 06/01/2018 20:01

I still can't believe you're with that tosser still either

It should be you two selling up and you getting your own place

CeeceeBloomingdale · 06/01/2018 20:01

Realistically how quickly would your house sell anyway? By the time you get it on the market, get an offer etc, get all searches done and exchange and complete baby will be a month or two old at best anyway so you will have done what you wanted in being there in the early days and DSD will be ready for her own space. I'm not sure if that'll be with her sister though.

toolonglurking · 06/01/2018 20:08

Horrible, horrible idea.

Original poster

K1092902 · 06/01/2018 20:41

Thank you everyone for your advice. Still not sure what to do as DH doesn't seem to want to budge

OP posts:

TattyCat · 06/01/2018 20:41

Aaaaaand.... Op has disappeared.

TattyCat · 06/01/2018 20:41

Pah, crossed post!!!

JaneEyre70 · 06/01/2018 20:43

OP how many decisions do you get to make in this relationship?

Chattymummyhere · 06/01/2018 20:48

Just don’t move problem solved. I didn’t realise you where the op who’s dh threw out his pregnant daughter. Or buy the flat and he can live there while you live with all the girls.

VivaLeBeaver · 06/01/2018 20:49

So pregnant dsd currently lives with you and dh wants to buy a house which I presume is too small for her to go with you? I wouldn’t do that to my 18yo never mind when she was pregnant and needing support.

Just say no. He can’t sell without your agreement.

AcrossthePond55 · 06/01/2018 20:54

Have a feeling OP won't be back to this thread either.

But for what it's worth:

While I dont doubt she will make a great mum and DSD1 will support her I dont think she comprehends how hard it...

It is not, repeat, NOT her elder sister's place to 'support her'. It is her PARENT'S place to support their unmarried, pregnant 18yr old daughter!

Her sister's place is to live the life of an unmarried, childless 20-something; out with her friends and enjoying being young and single. Not staying at home caring for sister and her niece or nephew.

You really need to get your priorities straight.

AcrossthePond55 · 06/01/2018 20:57

I just don't understand you OP. When your DSD announced her pregnancy you were so lovely, so protective and supportive of her. IIRC your own mum sheltered her and you went there with DD to support her yourself.

What on earth happened to make you abandon DSD this way?

BigBaboonBum · 06/01/2018 20:59

I was kicked out at 19 when I was pregnant, apparently for my own good because I had to stand on my own two feet (even though I lived alone and paid rent, just in a house owned by my parents so it ‘didn’t count’, which translated as my dad wanting to sell it). I didn’t need a home, I could get one on my own - what I did need was support, that I had zero of because I had to move hours away as I had to stay with a friend until I found somewhere else, and of course then could only view houses local to my friend.
I’d say worry less about getting them a flat and just focus on loving and supporting them wherever they are, because that’s what she will need

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 06/01/2018 21:13

He’s desperate to get her out isn’t he? He tried just kicking her out but you scuppered that so now he’s going to pay her to go.

Let me guess - the new house has no space for her and the baby?

Re:- he won’t budge - no - you don’t budge. Assuming the house is in your name too then he can’t sell unless you agree. Legally can’t.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 07/01/2018 09:52

Still not sure what to do as DH doesn't seem to want to budge

He is abusive, selfish and nasty. He tried to kick her out when he found out about the pregnancy. You ended up having to leave the house, go to your Mum's and call the Police to deal with him when he turned up. He now wants to literally sell the house to force his daughter out, expecting his other teenage daughter to fulfil the parental support that HE should be providing. No doubt if either one of them does something to piss him off, he'll use the fact that he owns the flat to force them out unless they toe the line - he'll literally control the roof over their heads.

Why are you still with him? How can you possibly think that this is the way he should be treating his kids? Why do you keep starting thread after thread about how bad things are, yet ignore the advice and then start all over again, and again, and again?

LEAVE.

MiniCooperLover · 07/01/2018 20:55

Surely it takes both of you to be willing to actually sell?

Jassmells · 07/01/2018 21:25

So you put 60% deposit down for them... who pays the rest of the mortgage and who then owns it with two sisters involved? Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

FluffyWuffy100 · 07/01/2018 21:29

Terrible idea to buy the twin DSDS a flat when one is pregnant.

Also, your DH is not good for you. Not sure why you post and run all the time.

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