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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be considering a 14 year age gap between dcs 1 and 2 ?

51 replies

YourHandInMyHand · 06/01/2018 13:02

I have a dc aged 13, and my partner who has no dcs. We've been together 3 years and he is an amazing step dad to my son.

We'd like to ttc - am I crazy to start the baby years all over again? I'm 35.

My child has had an amazing time in his early years with lots of my time. I never had anymore as I knew me and his dad weren't going to make it, and then no one else came along that I could imagine letting in to my tiny little family's bubble.

OP posts:
notgivingin789 · 06/01/2018 13:03

Do it:

TabbyTigger · 06/01/2018 13:05

My oldest is 18 and my youngest due in February. If you both want another child and are happy to do the baby years again, I’d say go for it! 35 isn’t an unusual age even for first children these days.

formerbabe · 06/01/2018 13:05

We'd like to ttc - am I crazy to start the baby years all over again?

If you want to, then of course you're not crazy. You're only 35...lots of my friends are the same age and just thinking about having their first.

waffilyversati1e · 06/01/2018 13:06

oldest is 16 and youngest is 3. They are closer than you would think! Go for it!

TeenTimesTwo · 06/01/2018 13:07

I don't think the age gap is a consideration really here.

To many intents and purposes it will be like having 2 'only' children, and the relationship between them may be more like between cousins or uncle/nephew-niece.

35 is still young. Go for it if you would like another child.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 06/01/2018 13:07

Well, why not? 12 years between me and my sister, I absolutely adored her, she was one of the rare good things about my childhood. My 14 and 15 year olds would be overjoyed if I had a baby now tbh.

Puddlet · 06/01/2018 13:08

I have a friend with a 14 year age gap - 2 girls. They seem to be very close - the older one is like a glamourous auntie.

GreenTulips · 06/01/2018 13:08

My younger sister is 15 years younger - she was adored as a baby!

Original poster
YourHandInMyHand · 06/01/2018 13:10

Aw these replies are fab!

I know I'm not overly old to have more dcs. DP doesn't have any yet and most of his friends are just starting families, where as most of my friends had them early 20s like me.

I guess it would be like to only dcs in a way yes.

I'm glad I posted. I'm scared but excited. Smile Over the years broodiness has come and gone but I do love children and I know DP would be a brilliant dad.

OP posts:
TabbyTigger · 06/01/2018 13:14

They seem to be very close - the older one is like a glamourous auntie.

My DS is the oldest and only boy - his younger sisters are 13, 12, 5, and 2 and he loves how they all think he’s SO cool.

YouCantCallMeBetty · 06/01/2018 13:14

I have an 8 week old DD and a 13 year old DS. I had the same anxieties as you but so far it is lovely; DS is a very proud and loving big brother and it's certainly easier to manage siblings with this age gap than having them closer together.
Broken sleep is as hard as it was first time round but I'm much more laid back this time. I also am lucky to have lovely friends (mostly parents of DS's friends) whose families are complete and are v excited about looking after a baby again so have lots of offers of help & babysitting!
Go for it Smile

Heartoffire · 06/01/2018 13:15

Go for it.

We had a 10 year age gap between our last 2 and older 3. The older ones were fabulously helpful. Just be mindful I found having babies in my 20s easier than my 30s purely from the tiredness angle but It was still fine.

May50 · 06/01/2018 13:15

Yes, definitely go for it. I have a large-ish gap between first 2 and youngest. Older 2 are teenagers doing their own thing and youngest is a bit like only child so its nice they can have my attention.
I had youngest at 42 by the way and there were loads of mums my age in postnatal group. You’re still young in my books!

Merryoldgoat · 06/01/2018 13:15

I had my first just before I was 35 and my second is due in 6 weeks just before I'm 40.

Age wise there's no issue. The only thing I'd stress is ensuring your older child doesn't feel pushed out and that their space and privacy is respected.

There is a big age gap between my sister and me and my mum didn't really allow me any privacy. My room was trashed when I was at school, belongings taken and everything was down to me to cope with and accept because I was 'older'. My relationship with my sister is still strained owing to such a bad start.

notgivingin789 · 06/01/2018 13:15

I think it’s common to have large-ish age gaps when you’ve had DCS younger. There’s an 11 year age gap between myself and my older brother and I’m closer to him than my (2 years age gap) siblings.

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 06/01/2018 13:18

Admittedly not my child per se.....
DS is 5, and his oldest sister, whose his "half" sister (bloody hate that term, they're just siblings!) is 24!

She loves her baby brother very much, and spoils him rotten/takes him out etc.

I actually think having a much older sibling is really good for him.

Original poster
YourHandInMyHand · 06/01/2018 13:20

Yes I'd be mindful of my not creating any resentment. DC1 would have the larger of the bedrooms and move out of their current boxroom bedroom. So from that angle would be getting a larger bedroom and a larger space of their own.

I am a childminder and so our house already has rules around our own special things that we don't want others touching being kept in our bedrooms out of the way.

I am one of 3 and there is only 5 years between oldest and youngest so it will be a different family/sibling relationship to the one I've had. I don't know anyone in RL with a large age gap so it's interesting to hear everyone's experiences.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 06/01/2018 13:22

Age wise, absolutely no issue. The issue for me would be whether I wanted to spend 35 years of my life actively parenting or whether I’d think “they’re 18 in 3 years, I can see a child free life returning”. And, if I’m completely honest, for me that child free life returning would win out.

However, I’ve got 3 under 6. I’m desperate for them to go to university Grin

Thymeout · 06/01/2018 13:22

I think it's fine so long as you don't put pressure on your teenager to feel the same way as you about the new addition. There's a 12 year gap between me and my brother and my father, in particular, made me feel really guilty about not wanting to be involved in family activities. The family had drastically changed. We couldn't do the same things as before and everything was geared round the little one. I'd been used to doing adult stuff with my parents and I was also beginning to want to spread my wings.

I didn't really gell with my brother till much later in life when we were both involved in caring for my elderly parents, which is certainly a big advantage when there are two of you to spread the load.

ParkheadParadise · 06/01/2018 13:24

I have a 23year age gap between my ddsGrin

user1497199406 · 06/01/2018 13:24

Used to be done all the time - my maternal grandmother had 15 years oldest-youngest and my paternal grandparents had 25 years between first and last child! Go for it!

KanielOutis · 06/01/2018 13:27

I would miss the looming freedom that comes with children growing up and wouldn’t want to start again. There’s no right or wrong answer, but to go right back to the baby stage when you’re nearly out the other side of parenting children is a huge step.

maryelizabeth71 · 06/01/2018 13:27

Go for it!!

I had my third aged 42 and my others were 17 and 14. They adore her and the feeling is mutual.

Haven’t regretted it for a second!

BakerBear · 06/01/2018 13:32

I think you would be mad, sorry!

You are almost at the stage of having alot of freedom and you want to do back to the sleepless nights, mountains of baby equipment to lug around just to do a simple trip out?

I have 4.5 years between my two and i really wish i had the 2nd one much sooner.

There is no way i would start again once the youngest hits school age

MollyWantsACracker · 06/01/2018 13:44

There’s a fairly large gap between my two, and at this stage (almost 10 and almost 17) different genders- they don’t have much in common, and annoy each other quite a bit.
I hope they will grow together a but again in time....
(One is quiet and moody, the other a boisterous chatterbox Hmm)
Think carefully & good luck with your decision Smile

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