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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for a mobile hairdresser who won't mind...

35 replies

Damonlufc88 · 06/01/2018 12:18

To cut my ASD sons hair whilst I hold him down? / restrain him? HE ISN'T violent by any means but It's the only way he will have his hair cut, he hates the touch and me and his mum have 0 idea how to make it look even semi decent

OP posts:

IvorBiggun · 06/01/2018 12:19

I don’t think that is a good idea.

A friend cuts her son’s hair while he’s asleep. Is that an option? Obviously a short back and sides isn’t possible but cut is.

How old is your son?

SandyDenny · 06/01/2018 12:21

I think it's fine to ask but you might find that a hairdresser will be reluctant as they might fell they can't do a proper job. Ime hairdressers are very professional and want to do their best

waffilyversati1e · 06/01/2018 12:23

get yourself on a local fb group and ask where parents of other ASD children get theirs done. Willing to bet you aren't alone in having this issue

Tinseltower · 06/01/2018 12:23

How squirmy would he be? A hairdresser my be afraid of injuring him.

SandyDenny · 06/01/2018 12:25

waffliy - I just came back to suggest the same thing about asking locally

llmb · 06/01/2018 12:25

My son who has asd, when he was younger it was horrific, however I used to let him watch something on the tablet as a distraction and don’t let the hair dresser use clippers (hated the noise and the vibration). He’s ok now although still has the tablet.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 06/01/2018 12:32

When you restrain him does he actually stay Still? Or does he try and break free?

Depending on where you are I know a few mobile hairdressers who would have no problem aslong as he stayed still (they obviously wouldn't want too accidentally hurt him whilst cutting his hair) and im also a hairdresser.

spanieleyes · 06/01/2018 12:33

My son couldn't cope with clippers but was Ok if the hairdresser used scissors. you could try that first.

MavisPike · 06/01/2018 12:34

contact your local support group
they should be able to help

Sirzy · 06/01/2018 12:34

I wouldn’t.

He needs to gradually build up to it, not learn that it is something scary.

Ds will only allow one person to cut his hair, won’t let the razor anywhere near it but after nearly 8 years will sit pretty still while she cuts it as best as she can.

Let him start by just watching her do your hair touching things so he knows they won’t hurt. Build it gradually.

Nanny0gg · 06/01/2018 12:39

We found a hairdresser who would do my DGN hair.

DN would get very distressed (her father is a hairdresser and wouldn't let him do it at all) to start with, but she was very patient and persistent and now DN sits there as good as gold. She's 5.

Don't use clippers yet...

DriveInSaturday · 06/01/2018 12:48

DS has had his current hairdresser for years, but when she first cut his hair, she had to catch him first. A mobile hairdresser is better because the surroundings are familiar and there is no audience. As pps have suggested, the best thing is to get local recommendations and pre-warn the hairdresser about things you know will cause distress - in my son's case, squirting with water spray. And be prepared for presentable rather than styled until your DS can tolerate more cutting.

juls1888 · 06/01/2018 12:49

My son used to be an absolute terror and my hairdresser friend would cut his hair at home but was often quite panicky and stressed she would cut his ear off or make a mess of the cut. I found a local barber who had family experience of ASD so wasn't afraid to have a go. When I explained how hard it was to find someone able to cope with cutting ASD kids hair, he agreed to do appointment only Sundays (or home visits) and my son has changed from screaming, sweating, snotters (him, DH and me!), to now wandering in and only needing to hold one of our hands for reassurance. That's only taken 9 once per month visits. Try Autism Barbers Assemble Facebook or website to see if there is anyone near you providing that service.

wizzywig · 06/01/2018 12:51

We have a mobile one that does them. As long as they know what to expect it should be ok

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 06/01/2018 12:55

Where do you live OP I know somewhere who specialises in this.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 06/01/2018 12:55

I’m in West Yorkshire.

herecomesthsun · 06/01/2018 12:59

These people have child friendly salons with DVD players and, for small kids, fun ride on cars in which they can sit while their hair is cut.

My DS 9 takes a Star Wars or Lego Movie type DVD with him.

I don't know if that would be enough for your son, but you could consider this sort of approach if there is one/ something similar near you.

DriveInSaturday · 06/01/2018 13:00

Although DS did go to a salon in a children's clothes shop at one point. We only stopped because the hairdresser left. They had nice toys and a Thomas the Tank Engine to sit in while he waited. I minimised exit possibilities beforehand by taking him to the toilet just before going in the shop so that he couldn't announce 'Weewee' when it was his turn, and promised him a cafe trip afterwards.

I also had a sequence of 3 pictures showing a boy with long hair, then having his hair cut and not enjoying it, then showing the boy smiling with short hair. We looked at this a lot, but especially before haircuts, and talked about it. He held it during the haircut and focused on the 'finished' picture, saying, 'Haircut finished soon. DS happy.' I suppose it's a social story. We used this for all his haircuts, salon or home.

Original poster

Damonlufc88 · 06/01/2018 13:55

Thanks for all the responses.. We have tried tablets with games on etc but he won't. As soon as his head is touched he moves, screams, panics... I can get his fringe whilst he is asleep but he isn't a very deep sleeper, and once he is awake that's it for the night.

We have tried toys, pretend hair cuts on other toys. Taken him to try and see myself get my hair cut but he couldn't stand it, books and flashcards. Can't really think of any other option.

We don't expect an immaculate job, we still pay our way because of the situation. He is in real need of a tidy now. I'm more worried about said hairdressers opinion because he gets so worked up about it, also in later life aswell but we have no more ideas of how to explain to him that it's nothing to worry about.

OP posts:

IlikemyTeahot · 07/01/2018 03:23

Probably not a great idea...may give him some serious trust issues with you and strangers coming into home. I know there are some shops out there(somewhere) that cater to asd kids and im surw by now there must be a specialist mobile service but i can imagine there would be a lot of faffing around with the child getting used to the hairdresser and building a trusting relationship. I have this issue with my DS11 (who currently looks like a mop) and up till a certain age we would go to the same barber once a month until they changed some staff some of whom started to make comments about him flapping his hands sqirming in the chair sounds he was making and laughing at him telling him he's silly even though I explained his issues beforehand he was essentially told to man up. They were foreign so I tried to tell myself they didn't get what his problem was and kept calm and just never went back. Another barber has actually asked us to leave before! I had explained DS's issues to a younger staff member who said yep ok we can do it. So we waited over an hour to be seen and it took all I had to keep him calm. Then that guy left for lunch so we had the owner offer to do the cut by the time he was in the chair he was getting a bit high pitched but still happy and I was told they didn't have time to deal with such a naughty boy...I was so mad I could have taken out their window! So now my only option is DIY I use YouTube tutorials, a decent set of clippers and talk him through it...its still nightmare but we get there after a few hours (lots of breaks) do it in bathroom in front of mirror if possible fill up the sink with some toys and bubbles as a distraction.

Best of luck however you choose to do it xx

HoppingPavlova · 07/01/2018 03:34

How old is your son?
Mine has ASD and haircuts when very young were as you describe. So we just left it and put his hair up in a top knot each day. Problem solved. When they were 6yo they were more open to having someone touch their head but the hairdresser used scissors not clippers due to the noise and it was a VERY quick and rough cut for the couple of minutes he could stand it whilst on a tablet. Eventually he progressed onto clippers and by the time he was an older child (10yo) haircuts were no longer an issue at all.

Booboostwo · 07/01/2018 03:46

Leave his hair messy. Is this worth stressing him out over? Physically holding him down while he panics risks making the issue a hundred times worse.

AstridWhite · 07/01/2018 04:09

I would wait until he's asleep and trim it yourself, a little bit at a time over a series of nights. If his reaction to a hairdresser is likely to be as bad as you say, to the point where he would need restraining then it's not fair on him and its certainly not fair on the hairdresser. It's very stressful having to put sharp scissors near the face of a fractious child at the best of times.

I'd either let it grow long (although washing/brushing it may present a further issue there) or cut it yourself in stages and be damned if it looks a bit haphazard. That has got to be better than the outbreak of WW3 over it.

ZoopDragon · 07/01/2018 07:30

My friend takes her DS to the barbers and says she always has to pin him down while they cut it. Sometimes the barber's assistant has to help her hold him. She said they're not bothered, maybe barbers are used to cutting the hair of reluctant little boys?

parrotonmyshoulder · 07/01/2018 07:34

Is there anyone at his school who would do
It? We have a couple of TAs at our school who used to be hairdressers and they help parents out like this.

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