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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for a mobile hairdresser who won't mind...

35 replies

Damonlufc88 · 06/01/2018 12:18

To cut my ASD sons hair whilst I hold him down? / restrain him? HE ISN'T violent by any means but It's the only way he will have his hair cut, he hates the touch and me and his mum have 0 idea how to make it look even semi decent

OP posts:
KateGrey · 07/01/2018 07:47

Personally no I wouldn’t restrain him. I have two kids with asd and youngest at 5 will not sit for hair cuts. My other child is 8 and so much better now. How is he with hair brushing? I’d say you need to lessen his fear by gradual exposure. Maybe have the hair dresser come and meet him, then the next time brush his hair and then cut a small piece off. How old is he? Have you tried a social story? I’ve only restrained my kids for necessary blood tests. They’re fighting you for a reason.

Dizzybeez · 07/01/2018 07:56

MY son has ASD and was exactly as you described. My son is fine with noise of the hairdryer but the feel of the hair once it was cut falling on him was what freaked him out. Now one of us holds the hairdryer on him which blows all the hair away before it touches him (the white noise also seems to calm him) and the other clippers it all over. He still does not like it but will sit and whimper as opposed to thrashing about screaming uncontrollably like he did before. We also use visuals to show him haircut then chocolate so he can see a reward coming. Even though it gives him lots of anxiety I still feel it helps to prepare him so I prewarn him a few times starting a couple of days before I need to cut it - using visuals and talking about it.

Ginfiend · 07/01/2018 07:58

Are you on FB?
Search for James Williams barber
It will come up with Autistic barbers assemble or something similar. They’re all over the country now

CircleofWillis · 07/01/2018 08:19

I wouldn’t restrain him. Use lots of reinforcers and just work on tiny steps.

Sits in chair and lets you hold scissors -one sweet.
Next time let’s you open and close scissors where he can see - one sweet
Next time scissors open and closing next to head - one sweet
Next time scissors opening and closing while you hold his hair.

When you can finally cut a little bit of his hair leave it and just build up to cutting more and more of his hair at each sitting.

He will associate having his hair cut with getting a sweet and having his iPad, favourite toys etc.

He will also gradually become calmer when it is time to have his hair cut. Holding him down will just increase his anxiety.

Continue to cut his fringe at night to keep it out of his eyes.

Save holding him down for something lifesaving that has to be done immediately otherwise you will lose his trust.

fussygalore118 · 07/01/2018 08:44

Does he let you wash it? Would trimming it quickly wjil5e you wash it be an option?

booboobutt · 07/01/2018 08:54

Can't he just have it long? It's his hair and he doesn't want it cut. I'm not trying to be an arsehole I just don't understand why it's so vital he has his hair cut.

FeralBeryl · 07/01/2018 12:14

Thanks my huge sympathies OP. We had this with DS1 - fine as a younger baby but once he hit 3 he would scream until he was hoarse, swear, shake, sob.
We tried everything. The end for me was when we were attempting a clipper job in the garden and all the neighbours were hanging over the fence thinking he was being murdered. One actually welled up at him being so distressed.
He doesn't gave the kind of hair you can 'leave' either.

The revelation for us was understanding it was the sensation of the cut hair. He has many sensory issues.
We sellotaped paper just under his hair line all the way around and it made such a difference.
We also got one of the hairbrushes with a razor in - have you seen them?

Just to add - he is fine now, we found a barber who has a nephew with autism and she is truly amazing with him.
He still needs to come straight home and shower the bits away, but it's no problem.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 07/01/2018 12:19

Is it really important enough to cause him such angst? It’s just hair, let him grow it. Would you be so forceful about cutting a girl’s hair, or would you accept that she could just leave it to grow?

Save holding him down for something that actually matters like injections or first aid treatment, not for a haircut which doesn’t matter. Who cares if his hair is a bit messy?

BeyondThePage · 07/01/2018 12:26

my brother had troubles with haircuts - mum had one of these :
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Hair-Trimmer-Razor-Blade-Comb-Hair-Cut-Trim-Home-Quick-Easy-Hairdressing-Aid-New-/232241268886

So it was his comb. He effectively cut his own hair every day.

cansu · 07/01/2018 14:56

we tried this. It went very badly with a massive meltdown and even more defensiveness about having his hair cut. I really regret it. Eventually I managed to snip very small amounts gradually over several months. It was in no way a hair cut but it did eventually lead to a home hair cut and he is now fine with it.

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