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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my 3 year old to stay in his room until the bunny clock wakes up?

81 replies

JoshandJamie · 25/04/2007 07:09

My first ever AIBR post - and I genuinely want to know if I am being unreasonable.

My 3 year old has always been an early waker. Recently he's improved slightly by sleeping till 6 instead of 5am. Now his younger brother has taken over the 5am wake up slot. Sigh.

I have tried for months and months to explain to the 3 year old, that if the bunny clock is still sleeping that means mommy is still sleeping and that he must stay in his room reading books or playing with toys until the clock wakes up.

But every bloody day he comes through to our room (which by this point invariably has younger brother in my bed because he's been up half the night yelling and has finally passed out) and the 3 year old either:

  • starts yelling because he wants us all up OR
  • gets into my bed and starts writhing around, scraping toenails down my back etc.

Ultimately he wakes up the little one which means game over, the day starts.

Am I being completely unrealistic trying to make him stay playing in his room for an extra 30 mins to an hour (depending on when he wakes up). Is he just to young to get it? And if so, when will he be able to understand this?! Because I wake up in a foul mood every morning now and it makes me ratty with him all day.

Three years of 5am starts is starting to wear a little thin.

OP posts:
Oblomov · 25/04/2007 09:03

LOL in sympathy. This is not an actual Lie in you are are requesting here, its more like basic sleep - lie in sounds like a luxury - I don't call slepping past 5 am a luxury - a neccessity, yes !!
I too , don't have much advice to offer, but I really like SofiaAmes advice.
Ds (3.3) has responded to this for some time now.
Getting into bed with us, for a cuddle, secretly hoping for an extra ten minutes, generally turns into somebody9often dh) getting jumped on/ poked/ disgruntled and one person getting up in a stropp - NOT a solution !

gess · 25/04/2007 09:09

I had a long (one hour) talk through with a counsellor about this recently as ds1 was getting up sometime between 1am and 3am then staying up. We came to the conclusion that the only answer was for me to go to bed earlier (like you I wasn't keen as I felt I needed the time alone). I did try it, and it kind of helped a bit- I went to bed an hour earlier (10.30 rather than 11.30) so got 7 hours extra sleep a week which helped. sorted itself out a bit more when the clocks changed.

DS2 has just started to understand the "stay in your bedroom until 7am" rule and he's 5. He did understand the bunny clock at mum and dad's house a bit earlier, but he often ignored it (now he just wakes the bunny up himself then trots in to them).

oliveoil · 25/04/2007 09:14

I did a thread the other day about early morning waking with babies here

My view has always been get up and start the day tbh , if you fight it, you just get annoyed

Pesky kids grrrrrr

Anna8888 · 25/04/2007 10:20

You have all my sympathy for feeling tired - but I'm afraid my mind boggles at the idea of expecting a three year old put to bed at 7pm to sleep beyond 5am.

My daughter (2.5) goes to bed between 10pm and 11pm and gets up around 8am. Sometimes she has a little nap (10 mins) during the day, and if we have been exceptionally busy she might sleep for an hour after lunch.

monkeymonkeymoomoo · 25/04/2007 10:43

Anna - mine sleeps from 7pm-7.30am

piglit · 25/04/2007 10:49

Yikes - your toddler goes to bed between 10 and 11?

What happens when she goes to school?

Ds1 goes to bed at 7 and ds2 at 6.30. I'm very very strict about bedtimes. IME going to bed later doesn't make a jot of difference.

Anna8888 · 25/04/2007 10:57

On the rare occasions my daughter has fallen asleep at 8.30 pm (NEVER earlier) she is up and bouncing around at 5am.

Obviously some children need more (or less) sleep than others, which is the point I was trying to make.

When my daughter starts school next September, at 2.10, I am anticipating a slight change - she might need to get up a few minutes earlier. But we will only need to leave the house at 8.30, so it won't make a lot of difference.

ScottishThistle · 25/04/2007 11:06

My 3.3yr old charge is doing very well with her bunny clock...Don't give up yet, hopefully he'll get it in a couple of months!

Going to bed later has never worked with any of my Charges, they just woke at the same time but grumpy which is 100x worse!

Judy1234 · 25/04/2007 12:11

We liked to have them all upstairs and out of the way by 8 but their needs to sleep have differed hugely. With the twins there were asleep in their cots or in the cot by about 7 as far as I remember and got up about 6 (and in the night when little). That has gradually got later. On school nights I like to take them up at 8pm for longish bed time routine. The no TV in bed room rule is now archaic as the broadband laptop, their keeness on MSN, their web sites and world of warcraft on line games is something we need to deal with. We have been trying to get the lap top shut down by another time. No electronics in the bed room is a better rule than just no TV. At 8 they seem to know how to download lots of TV on to the lap top too.

But interesting point is one twin has always been up late and the other sleep much earlier. One is a lark and one is an owl and the lark one needs an hour more sleep than his twin and always has.

FloatingOnTheMed · 25/04/2007 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bozza · 25/04/2007 12:22

Actually it is possible. My children are 6 and 2 (nearly 3) and from being about 2.3 they have both not been allowed to get up until the light comes on in their bedroom. And they don't. The light comes on at 7. They are in bed, lights out for 7.30. I keep thinking to make this later for DS but he is still needing the sleep. And DD was in bed for 7 last night because she didn't nap at nursery.

IMO a lot of children (not saying all, cos obviously everyone has different sleep requirements) do not get enough sleep.

fennel · 25/04/2007 12:24

Mine have understood the bunny clock (set at 7am) since they were about 2 and a half. but we are VERY unfriendly when woken before 7 and rigidly bung them back into their rooms.

EllieKthePA · 25/04/2007 12:27

i've been looking for a 'bunny clock' type thing for my ds, where can i get one?

Anna8888 · 25/04/2007 12:27

I think sleep requirements vary more than we think.

I need masses of sleep, as does my father. I am also a very good, deep sleeper. My sister is a terrible sleeper and also needs less time in bed than me. My daughter and my elder stepson hardly need any sleep, my younger stepson needs masses (more than his sister who is 7 years younger).

We just try to make sure everyone gets what they need as individuals, and try to think of activities for the children when they are awake and we are not. My elder stepson goes to the bakery for bread and croissants at the weekend while we are all still sleeping...

princessmel · 25/04/2007 12:30

I know how you feel. Dd woke at 4.30 this morning and moaned on and off till we got her up at 6. ds woke at 5.30.

They are both early risers. I have just learnt to accept it. I don't think anything will help with dd till she's a bit older.

ds (4)had a bunny clock but it stopped working and would wake at the wrong time. Now we have a timer on his blue star light (on the wall)and its 'nighttime' till the light comes on. That works unless he's been woken up before that because of dd and he can hear her in our room.

At least last night they both slept till then , the night before ds had woken about 6 times .

princessmel · 25/04/2007 12:32

My ds could cope with bunny at 2.5 to 3rs fine though. It was only when dd was born and started waking early that has changed things.

He understood the concept of bunny though. I don't think 3 is too young.

mumto3girls · 25/04/2007 12:40

why doesn't anyone have stairgates on their dc's room...is that not done now? I did this with my elder 2 dd's...not got dd3 out of a cot yet so no problem there...(yet!)

katepol · 25/04/2007 12:47

I think young children can understand the bunny concept, but the temptation is too great to not come into your room.

You can put a gate on their room (which they are only allowed to open to go for wees), and them maybe go in late at night and put some of their favourite toys/books next to their bed so they see them when they first wake up, and get distracted from going to see you.

However, it really is a question of them understanding that YOU will be NO fun AT ALL if you hear from then before the accepted time. I personally do not think that getting up before about 6.30am is acceptable - for you or them. Therefore, no TV, no milk, no food, no fun until your reasonable time.

It may not mean they won't still wake early, but they won't be rewarded for it.

I was a bit suprised by the poster who said their 3.5yr old needs foods first thing - why?

Special needs and all things on a spectrun (blah, blah), but most toddlers need about 10-12 hrs of sleep a night, and shouldn't need night feeds or early breakfasts surely? (speaking as a mum to 3 all of whom were v small, had tiny tums and so needed to feed regularly through they day...)

I do feel for all you early risers though - I know that Toddler Taming said this is one issue that is a toughie...

wildwoman · 25/04/2007 12:48

I know how you feel JanJ really I do but think about what your 3 yr old is thinking. He's not allowed in to mumy and daddy's bed until that bastard bunny wakes up but hang on isn't that my stinking new brother in there getting cuddles? He's 3 he has no concept of you being up all night with your youngest. Sorry I'm not very helpful as I have no solutions and spen most nights clinging to the edge of the mattress while my dc snore next to me!

sunnysideup · 25/04/2007 13:37

Your ds is obviously not getting it yet; but he will one day. I'd keep persevering with the system.

My ds is four and a half and has a bunny clock and most days he now keeps to the system fine. Some days he wakes the bunny up himself though if he just can't bear it. Our system is that when the bunny wakes, he can play in his room until he hears the beep-beeps of our alarm clock. Usually the first thing I know at 6am each morning is him running up the corridor shouting "beeeep beeeeeeeeps have gone off!!!!"

It's probably sounding a bit of an elaborate system but it's worth it to us as ds was a 5am riser for quite a while.

sunnysideup · 25/04/2007 13:38

and I agree with wildwoman, the impetus for him to come in may be so strong at the moment as he knows that his brother is in with you already.....

Anna8888 · 25/04/2007 13:44

I hated stairgates (don't need them in my flat but needed them in my parents' house) and playpens. I just can't bear the idea of my child in forced captivity. Oh, and she never, ever slept in a cot with bars - at first she was in a Moses basket and then in a proper bed.

Personally I don't want to restrain children with force.

EachPeachPearPlum · 25/04/2007 14:29

How about some kind of bribe? When I was this age my parents used to put a box of raisins or a small chocolate out of reach and if I stayed in my room until they came to get me I was allowed it. I think it worked reasonably well from what I've been told.

bozza · 25/04/2007 14:31

Cot bars = force? What about car seats/puschchairs etc?

mumto3girls · 25/04/2007 14:36

Anna..you're entitled to your opinion of course. But i think the amount of accidents that the stairgates and 'bars' on cots have prevented in household worldwide over the years makes them perfectly acceptable to me.

Even holding you child's hand so they can't run into the road is using force...

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