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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenager's bedtime AIBU

45 replies

InspMorse · 04/01/2018 21:52

What age do you stop telling your DC to go to bed?
My 14 year old thinks I'm BVU & thinks I shouldn't have rules for this.
School night = lights out at 10pm.
Weekends = Leave teens to it.

AIBU to have strict 10pm rule ? What does everyone else do? What age do you stop having bedtime rules?

OP posts:
samlovesdilys · 04/01/2018 21:57

My 13yr Old is in bed before then...but is up by 6:15 during week and is horrid when overtired!!

Fabellini · 04/01/2018 22:01

My two are older, ds2 has just turned 17. I still try and get him to bed at a reasonable time during the week as he's got school the next day - but I don't tell him, I just remind him he's got school, that he's a grumpy sod when he's tired, and that if he is staying up then to make sure the cat can get out...then I leave him to it.
He's generally a little bit later than I'd like, but every couple of weeks it'll catch up with him and I'll find him tucked up fast asleep at 9pm!
I think it's one of those things that they have to find their own happy medium with...unless they're staying up til 2 in the morning, or spending the whole night on the Xbox, if that were the case I'd start laying down the law.

Original poster
InspMorse · 04/01/2018 22:01

We're up just after 6am too.
She's just been told to turn her light out! Angry

OP posts:
Daddystepdaddy · 04/01/2018 22:02

Sounds reasonable to me.

cheminotte · 04/01/2018 22:03

Ok, mine is only 10 but I think until 16 it’s fine to have a set bedtime and rules about tech in bedrooms etc.

Original poster
InspMorse · 04/01/2018 22:04

I think I might try 'reminding' her instead of telling in future Fab... ends the day badly the way I've been doing it : GET INTO BEDDD!!!

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 04/01/2018 22:05

I would allow her to read for an hour. I wouldn't have been able to sleep so early at that age.

twinone · 04/01/2018 22:07

My dd is 15 and her paedeatrician says she should be aiming for 11 hours sleep. That isn't because of what she sees him for, that's just his general advice.

LuluBellaBlue · 04/01/2018 22:07

Oops my son always says I'm too strict as he's 14 and it's only just increased from 8.30 to 9pm on a school night Grin
However school holidays leave him to it and yesterday he didn't wake up till 2.30pm so he def needs the extra sleep!!

TheQueenOfWands · 04/01/2018 22:08

I let mine do his own thing.

We're both night owls and lying in bed wide awake is a waste of time.

He's playing a PC game in his room now, he'll go to bed in his own time.

40andFat · 04/01/2018 22:08

16 year old DS just gone up at 10 will faff about for an hour the lights out at 11 up at 7.45. Weekends do what you like but as I have 5/1 year olds usually up and out by 10.30 ish.

KiteMarked · 04/01/2018 22:11

Holidays, whenever.

School nights 9.30pm (but she is up at 6am)

Weekends 10pm

She wishes it was later but she also recognises that she.needs the sleep.

KiteMarked · 04/01/2018 22:12

Oops, DD is 14

TwoBlueFish · 04/01/2018 22:12

My 13 year old (year 9) has a 9:30 bedtime on school nights. Weekends & holidays varies depending on what we’re doing the next day but is often midnight.

cariadlet · 04/01/2018 22:18

I've got a 15 year old dd. My rule is lights out by 10 on a school night and phone downstairs. Weekends and holidays she's allowed her phone in her bedroom and I don't have a set bedtime.

She needs to be up early for school so I think she still doesn't really get enough sleep, but she says most of her friends stay up much later even during the week (judging by the way I see messages come through on her phone she could be right) so this is our compromise.

nooka · 04/01/2018 22:19

My dd is 17 and still has a 10pm bedtime, it's just not really enforced anymore. She's usually up to bed at around about then, and if not dh or I remind her of the time. Lights out is up to her. I can't remember when we stopped a fixed lights out time, but I think at 14 they both were supposed to be in bed and lights out by 10pm. We've not done different weekend rules as it's better for sleep hygiene to have the same routine and the main reason for us to keep bedtime rules is because dd struggles with sleep and gets migraines when she is overtired. Neither of our kids really objected to having a bedtime though so we've not really had fights about it. ds used to enjoy telling his friends they had neglectful parents when he got booted off his online games because it was time for bed (he was being an arse of course but sleep is important).

stoneagemum · 04/01/2018 22:24

Don't think I've enforced a bedtime since teens, but never had a problem with them getting up either. I have been lucky that they have self regulated from an early age.
Not a stealth boast, I am totally aware that I totally lucked out x2 with sleep/get ups - other teen issues total fail but that is another thread

blackheartsgirl · 04/01/2018 22:29

I could never sleep before 10 pm as a teen, I used to go to bed and read and when my mum told me to turn my light out at 11 and I still couldn't sleep I just used to listen to the radio on my head phones or wait till my parents were asleep themselves and turn the light back on!

My 15 year old dd1 regulates herself now, she's either awake for ages or takes herself off to bed if she's really tired at tennish, she still gets up early

Lemoncurd · 04/01/2018 23:00

My 14 year old was back very late from an activity tonight. She was chattering away on the sofa and I interrupted and told her, "you do realise that it's 22.20 don't you?", following up with, "I'll allow you to use your own judgement, but don't want you to feel too tired tomorrow".

She found this hilarious and wanted to know if I'd allow her to use her own judgement if she was running around screaming at 2.30am. She tells us that at her age she should get 9.5 hours sleep a night and needs to be asleep by 8.55.

YetAnotherNC2017 · 04/01/2018 23:03

My 14 YO is lights out at 21:15. Up at 7.

Greensleeves · 04/01/2018 23:03

Mine are 13 and 15 and it's 9.30 on school nights, 10pm Friday and Saturday. More flexible in the holidays but quite often 9.30 if I think they are tired.

It's really not a bone of contention, neither of them is shy about challenging rules they think are unfair but this one hasn't been a battleground at all. 15yo ds1 will sometimes come to say good night earlier if he's knackered and wants to turn in.

PurpleMinionMummy · 04/01/2018 23:17

13 yo goes to bed when she wants. However she's uber sensible and once turned down a cinema trip because it meant she'd be in bed after 12 on a school night Shock. She's normally in bed by 10 and asleep by 10.30-11.

11 year old has a 9pm bed time. His side light can stay on until whenever he likes. He's never been a big sleeper and normally drops off between 11-12. As long as they are being quiet and not staying up until stupid o'clock I don't mind. No phones or tech allowed in rooms so they read, draw etc.

AlexanderHamilton · 04/01/2018 23:22

Ds (13) & Dd (16). Term time bedtime is 9.30pm, weekends 10pm. (Except Tuesday's when Ds has rehearsals so extended til 10pm.

BearLeft · 04/01/2018 23:22

My 16 year old is really sensible and never needs reminding about bedtime. My eight year old, however, is awful!

YANBU. Your house, your rules.

Tired grumpy children are the worst!

AlexanderHamilton · 04/01/2018 23:25

I would let Dd stay up a bit later but she has a very long day & a long journey to & from school (leaves house at 7.15am & arrives home 7.45pm & she likes to get an early night.