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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to confront my host dad about late payment in front of his new gf?

29 replies

NotSoCluelessAuPair · 04/01/2018 12:46

Hi everyone,

I'm an Au-Pair who lives with her host dad and his DS (the parents are divorced). My payday is usually the 20th of every month. As I left to go home for the holidays on the 20th of december, he forgot to pay me. I thought he'd pay me as soon as I come back (1st of January) but until now he didn't even bring it up. He has a new girlfriend who was there when I came home and also last night when I wanted to remind him of the money. I want to ask him tonight but AIBU to do it if his gf is there or would that make the Situation unnecessarily awkward? The problem is that he is rarely at home anyway and I prefer to solve this kind of problem in person. Thanks in advance for your help

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 04/01/2018 12:48

Just ask him when you next see him

Battleax · 04/01/2018 12:49

Just assume it's a complete oversight and be matter of fact.

EarthwormsAndSnails · 04/01/2018 12:51

You need to be paid, you could try to get him alone and if that isn't an option then just ask whilst the GF is there OR text/email? I think it's a pretty normal thing to talk about, unless he's having financial difficulties and that's why you're worried to mention it in front of the GF OR you just get that vibe?

TorchesTorches · 04/01/2018 12:51

I would aim to bring it up but in a way that will not embarrass him. People can react very badly and unpredictably of their pride or status is affected. This is more to protect you than him.

I would say to him, can i have a word in private about my pay? Is ambiguous enough to imply you might be asking for a pay rise (if in front of her). You can then have the rest of the conversation in private.

Glumglowworm · 04/01/2018 13:00

Just ask him for a quick word about your pay

Chances are it’s a genuine oversight and as soon as you remind him he’ll transfer it. Hope that’s the case for you anyway!

callmeadoctor · 04/01/2018 13:19

Just text him.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 04/01/2018 13:21

Just ask him, I pay my au pair weekly and when he first arrived I told him to remind me if I forget because I have the attention span of a goldfish.

Original poster
NotSoCluelessAuPair · 04/01/2018 13:30

I also think he just forgot and that's fine, we are all human after all. I just don't want to embarass him in front of his new girlfriend, as everything is quite fresh but if she's here all the time I can't really find a way to catch him alone. Thank you all for your help, I really appreciate it

OP posts:
comedycentral · 04/01/2018 13:31

Walk up to him and ask for a quick 1:1 chat about work.

Butterymuffin · 04/01/2018 13:39

What comedycentral says.

MelonKnee · 04/01/2018 13:44

Text him and ask if you can have a word later about your pay.

underneaththeash · 04/01/2018 13:46

Just ask, he's probably forgotten. I've forgotten once with our au pairs before..(well I forgot to remind DH as we were away).

mummmy2017 · 04/01/2018 13:47

Text him, and just say your wages have not arrived can he resend them.

horatioisabrick · 04/01/2018 13:53

Just ask. Or text.
He might be embarassed if you ask infront of his girlfriend.

Mumof56 · 04/01/2018 13:56

If his girlfriend is there, Ask him can you have a quick word in private in the other room.

I wouldn't discuss it in front of her.

Leyani · 04/01/2018 13:57

I'd just leave him a note if gf there again tonight

Ohyesiam · 04/01/2018 14:05

If she's there tonight ask for a quick one to one chat.

Hissy · 04/01/2018 14:20

He needs to set up a standing order

paying you late is unacceptable

not paying you before christmas is unforgivable

email him so you have it in writing

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 04/01/2018 14:22

It is completely unreasonable for any employer to ask an au pair to remind them to pay them. It doesn't matter if you have the attention span of a goldfish, it should be bloody priority. It's achingly embarrassing to have to ask for something you're due, like you should be grateful to be paid somehow.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/01/2018 14:39

I’d email him. Will he read it soon if you do that?

ThePants999 · 04/01/2018 14:44

"Hey, Bob, could you transfer my pay please? Thanks!"

He's not going to get embarrassed about that, even if his gf is there.

Sunneeded · 04/01/2018 15:16

*Today 14:20 Hissy

He needs to set up a standing order

paying you late is unacceptable

not paying you before christmas is unforgivable

email him so you have it in writing
*

This.

It is unacceptable to not get paid at Christmas. It is awful that you have to ask.

Crunchymum · 04/01/2018 15:37

Yep, I'd have been on the phone to him on the 21st.

Why are you waiting until now?

Hissy · 04/01/2018 17:55

You need to find a new job op.

Original poster
NotSoCluelessAuPair · 04/01/2018 20:10

Thank you all for your advice. I caught him alone (also didn't want to do it in front of the child), but he just forgot and it's fine. I get my pay in cash and I thought he'd put it into my room (I didn't need it at home anyway) and I also dread situations where I have to ask for something. I'll get my payment tomorrow and everything is fine, I was just a bit worried as this was an uncomfortable situation and I wanted some "adult" opinions, so thanks again

OP posts: