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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with a mum at toddler group (sorry long)

29 replies

dmo · 24/04/2007 21:54

ok i have been going to this one certain toddler group for 8 yrs now
my sons 10 now but i'm a childminder so have continued to go
anyway this mum has started been coming for about 1yr now but is is doing my head in
her son (2yrs) sceams if he decides he want a toy and another child is using it (which fair enough thats what kids do) but resenly he has been throwing himself on the ground, hitting other children etc etc
mum in her squeky voice x whats a matter and gives him a dummy (thata another thread) and then asks the child that has the car or whatever it is that her son wants to get out so her son can have it
i have had words with the mother but now she has an issue with my mindee (2yrs) and is always coming up to me saying that mindee is hitting her son or taking toys off her son, so today i just watched mindees movements (have 2 other mindees with me too) and i could see mum saying to mindee get out of the car and mindee saying no and then son screaming, mum then started to look round for me but i gave her the look that sais i have been watching.
cant be bothered to go next week cause of the hassle but i wont be beatern my mindees love going but what would you do?

OP posts:

Emprexia · 24/04/2007 21:56

Are there supervisors at all? Or is it just run by the moms?
i'd seriously have a word with someone if there is anyone to talk to.

NKF · 24/04/2007 21:56

Face her down. What a witch!

ForcesSweetheart · 24/04/2007 21:57

I think you're being perfectly reasonable being annoyed. The mother of the tantrum throwing child has no right to ask other kids to give up the toy they are playing with just because she can't deal with her child's reaction to being told he can't have something. Stand your ground!

PinkChick · 24/04/2007 21:59

try and do same next week i know it will be hard with 3 there, but keep close eye on her, pretend your not looking and when she says something go over and ask her why she is telling a small child to get out of a car he is playing with...bitch!(her not you)

compo · 24/04/2007 22:00

I would still go next week. Don't let her win!

Justaboutmanaging · 24/04/2007 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkChick · 24/04/2007 22:01

oh no!, definatly go!, speak to leader about her and ask them to watch her and her spoilt son too!

Original poster

dmo · 24/04/2007 22:03

its run by a mum and her mum
even though been there for 8 yrs dont really know lots of people there as they change (and i avoid the do you want to run the group chat) but i will have a word with the women that runs it
just dragging me down now and he is only 2 so 2 more yrs yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and (i didnt go last week) she brought her son last week with chicken pox and one of the other childminders have 2 off with chickenpox now

OP posts:

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 24/04/2007 22:04

I would go next week and if she says something to the child I would go over and say to the child she is bullying "it's ok x, you were there first, y can play in it when you've finished" and then walk calmly away.

NKF · 24/04/2007 22:05

When you think about it, it's quite mad. Imagine ordering a two year old out of a car so your son can get in instead of telling the boy to wait his turn. What can she be thinking>

Original poster

dmo · 24/04/2007 22:09

well when he has to wait his turn he screams and screams so that you cant even hear the person next to you
other mums are also cross and they all know i had a word
mum is so soft she is a school teacher dont know how she controls the class 3 days a week and he goes to a childminder 2 days a week

OP posts:

lulumama · 24/04/2007 22:10

is he her only child? is she maybe pandering to him if she is working part of the time and feels she has to give him everything he wants?

NKF · 24/04/2007 22:11

If he screams she should take him out till he calms down. Honestly! Surely part of the reason women sit with toddlers in draughty church halls is that it helps children learn to mix with others.

GreebosWhiskers · 24/04/2007 22:12

This woman's just not right. What's her lo going to grow up like? I can't believe a grown-up would order another child off of a toy so her son can play with it - she's just a bloody bully! And as for taking him to toddlers with chickenpox, that is totally out of order. Apart from anything else what if one of the other mums there had been pregnant? Def go next week & don't let this silly, immature, selfish bitch think she's won!

foxybrown · 24/04/2007 22:14

stand your ground and go next week! If it were me I'd probably address the child within her earshot and tell him he has to wait his turn, because she obviously isn't going to do it. I'd be TERRIBLY nice about it to him, so she couldn't complain about it.

gtimama · 24/04/2007 22:15

I would make a point of saying in a loud enough voice for others to hear.

"These toys are for all the children to share. One of the reasons that we come to playgroup is so that they can learn to share".

Then I would tell your mindee that he/she has so many minutes left in the car before he/she must give it to this womans child to use.

Don't let her turf the child out. You be the one in control.

lulumama · 24/04/2007 22:15

agree foxy, i would do the syrupy, sugary, 'oh no, sweetheart, we take turns , yes we do,' in earshot of the mother

Bubble99 · 24/04/2007 22:15

dmo. It might be worth stepping in the next time he throws a strop about not getting the toy/car/ whatever it is he wants to play with, and gently explain about learning to share and take turns. His mother will hear this, of course, and as long as you say it kindly and gently he (and she) will hopefully get the message.

Bubble99 · 24/04/2007 22:16

Posts X with gti.

pandrop · 24/04/2007 22:20

Go next week, why should your mindees miss out because of one little spoilt brat? Has it occured to you that she may need help ,she
might not know how to cope with him . she obviously doesn't like conflict and it maybe that by befriending her you can help her out.
justaboutmanaging is right, you can't possibly be the only one to notice.Whatever you decide to do good luck next week!

Original poster

dmo · 25/04/2007 09:46

once i did ask the boy to wait and then overloaded him with praise for waiting

OP posts:

madmuggle · 25/04/2007 11:28

Can I just point out that the other woman here needs slapping for taking a child with chicken pox to a mums and toddlers?! Dozy mare. Does she not understand that it's rude to spread it about without permission. I'd not mind in theory if my daughter caught chicken pox, but seeing as I'm pregnant right now I'm avoiding it like the plague.

Add to that her pitiful abilities to understand how toddlers work she needs a serious talking to.

amess · 25/04/2007 11:33

dmo annoyed would be putting it mildly if it was my mindee or child she was treating in that way. That woman is going down a very bad route for herself and her child! Surely the other mums will soon avoid her like the plague.

chocolattegirl · 25/04/2007 11:34

Was she aware he had CP before she took him to playgroup though? I always understood that when the spots come out, you're no longer infectious.

empie · 25/04/2007 11:38

Ehheh. I thought that Mindee was your child's name, but I've figured it out now.... No you are not BU. You need to stand your ground. That kid is going to end up being a playground bully....

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