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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel suspicious over this "friendship"?

31 replies

JemStonePink · 04/01/2018 07:42

My DD has recently started school in September. There's a lady who's DS goes to the same school but 2 years above my DD. I know her to say Hello to and I'm friends with her on Facebook but I would not have considered her a friend as such.

She's never been very well liked. She's been known to fall out with a lot of people, be very bitchy, two faced, write abusive/bitchy things on her Facebook status etc and she hasn't got any friends that I know of apart from one friend who I also know.

The past month she's really been trying to make an effort with me. She talks to me every time I'm at the gate, suggesting that we meet up to go out for coffee and drinks etc. Recently every day she's been asking me if I will go for breakfast with her. I have declined because I have my DS with me who will not sit still in a cafe and it's not my idea of fun.

For the last two weeks she has been constantly messaging me on Facebook, snapchat and Whatsapp. The one friend that she does have, she slags her off to me telling me that's she's not a good friend and calling her a cunt etc. She's also been showering me with compliments - how amazing I am, how my DH is lucky to have me, how talented I am etc. If I don't reply to the message she sends repeated messages afterwards till I answer.

I told my DH that it's making me feel uncomfortable and he's worried about why she's suddenly latched on to me. I don't want to hurt her feelings so I've just been friendly but I really haven't got time to sit on Facebook messaging her all day!!

AIBU? Is she just being friendly or am I right to be suspicious?

OP posts:

icelollycraving · 04/01/2018 07:45

I would dodge. Aren’t you so busy with work etc right now?
I would reply rarely, she will latch on to someone else soon enough.

BeansandSausages · 04/01/2018 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iloveanimals · 04/01/2018 07:47

Sounds a bit full on to me. I'd hate that

BlackPeppercorn · 04/01/2018 07:47

Sorry I think she's a kling-on, slowly but steadily working her way round the playground when she offends one she moves on to the next. I suggest you gracefully bow out of her game by suddenly developing catastrophic phone trouble which means you've lost all your contacts and can't receive any messages [cough, cough], then drop and run for a week or so till she sets her sight on her next victim.

ColonelJackONeil · 04/01/2018 07:48

It sounds like she might be someone with poor social skills rather than having an ulterior motive of some kind. I am not saying you should be friendly with her as you say she may latch onto you and be difficult, especially if she doesn't have any other friends. I'd work out how to hide you are online and invent a reason why you are very busy a lot.

Original poster

JemStonePink · 04/01/2018 07:49

She's quite abit older than me too - I'm 27 and she's 41. She says to me that she wants to go out drinking with as I look like I would be fun but I get the impression that she would be a nightmare on a night out due to her mouth!

OP posts:

BeverlyGoldberg · 04/01/2018 07:53

I would be friendly but keep a distance. I had a friend like this who was ace when the going was good but then when she wasn’t getting what she wanted turned into a nightmare. You’ve already seen her negative side and you’ll inevitably end up on the receiving end when the tide turns.

SparkleFizz · 04/01/2018 08:00

She sounds a bit intense. I wonder if it’s poor social skills too.

I’d be wary of getting close to her though, if she’s happily bad mouthing her only friend to you now, I’d guess she’ll do the same to you sooner or later.

KhalliWali · 04/01/2018 08:02

Blimey, that's a bit full on! Does she fancy your DH by chance? Whatever her motives are, I would stay well away from her.

SeaCabbage · 04/01/2018 08:10

Why are you friends with her on FB if you only know her to say hello to?

I would delete her. And I certainly wouldn't answer any of her messages. Ever. Why would you? And surely it is best to block or delete, ( I don't know how these things work) as you don't want to receive all these messages.

So what if she is cross? She's not nice.

Mrsmadevans · 04/01/2018 08:16

Ghost her asap she sounds horrible !

ATeardropExplodes · 04/01/2018 08:17

Cease being facebook friends. When she asks why you have de-friended her tell her you mainly use it to keep in touch with friends and family, not school issues and it was too high maintenance.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 04/01/2018 08:21

WTF ! Why oh why are some people like this

It’s a bit drastic but consider Suspending your Facebook and WhatsApp for a week

It’s good for your MH anyway

It’s so hard to tactfully shake these people off but you must shake it OFF

Sympathies

ColonelJackONeil · 04/01/2018 08:24

Do a I'm having a break from social media notice on FB and spend more time on MN? If desperate to check FB create a second account.

Addictedtohavingbabies · 04/01/2018 08:56

I know someone like this. The problem is I went along with it and for a long time she wouldn't leave me alone. We live in different cities miles apart but she works less than half a mile from me as she changed jobs to be near me. I was getting more than 70 texts and missed calls off this person and when I told her I wanted to cool off she told me she had a brain tumour that she hasnt mentioned again. Came round for tea one night and she wouldn't leave till 3 am, which was hard as I had young DC in bed. She only cooled off when I met a new partner and had a baby and got engaged. We still speak but its nowhere near as intense.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/01/2018 08:56

I'd back away.
Her only other friend, she bitches about behind her back - do you want to end up in that situation as well?
Can't answer for her mental health, but it could be a factor - she might have strange obsessions.
However, try to be kind about it. Although, if she feels rejected, she might decide you're the worst person in the world anyway. :(

Birdshitbridgegotme · 04/01/2018 09:01

I dont understand why people are friends on fb yet in real life wouldn't consider someone a friend. That aside, she does sound like hard work and if someone was that openly bitchy about someone she considers a friend I'd wonder what she would say about me behind my back. She sounds like drama. I would just be nice say hi, dont tell her any of my business and keep dodging these meet ups

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/01/2018 09:18

Develop a work from home business that means you cannot stop and chat and don't go near Facebook.

Then step away slowly

mummmy2017 · 04/01/2018 09:28

You really are her next victim...
She sounds like someone I know.
She has been friends with everyone in the street, over 5 years.
now speaks to no one..her own fault.

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2018 09:28

I genuinely don't get why she's on your FB friend list in the first place, and perhaps more bizarrely why you've kept her on there?

Don't worry about the persistent messages, just reply less and less with longer gaps until it tails off.

Then (obviously) cull your 'friend' list.

littlebird55 · 04/01/2018 09:31

While you still can back away.

Tell her you are busy with work/commitments so your replies will take some time, and then ignore her messages.

Be nice, but be distant. Eventually she will move on.

ElBandito · 04/01/2018 09:33

She's fallen out with her old friend and is looking for a new one.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/01/2018 09:40

Sounds like she doesn't have any friends ( understandably) and she's trying to force you into a friendship. Personally I would swerve her. Smile and make small talk but keep your distance.

Piffle11 · 04/01/2018 09:53

This is what I don't get about FB - people accept friend requests from people who clearly aren't friends, giving them access to your photos, friends, and your life in general! I only ever friended those I was actually friends with - yes a lot of people got a bit huffy at times, but I didn't care as they weren't friends! I think you need to seriously back off from this woman - she sounds quite poisonous. I would simply stop replying to her messages - if she keeps sending them, just let her. Then after a few hours I might send a very short and to the point reply - not off hand as such, just something that basically cut the conversation dead. If she says anything about it, just tell her that you're busy and don't check FB and WhatsApp that often. Every time you respond to her you are giving her the incentive to continue. And if she starts bitching about people to you, just say that you don't want to know. I had to do this with someone who was bitching about a mutual acquaintance: I just said 'I don't want to talk about this, I don't like it'. It shut her up and also helped get her to take a step back from me.

chocorabbit · 04/01/2018 15:36

I honestly don't understand why she has your whatsapp, can contact on facebook etc

I really only give my number to people who need me or I need for pick ups/drop offs

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