To be worried about how tough I find it to give up alcohol...... habit or bigger issue?

[BowBow1]

Its been a long time coming in my thoughts but since 20th Dec I've completely stopped drinking. I was in the habit of drinking around 5 or 6 nights a week normally one or two glasses, but I'd begin to notice it was creeping up to 2-3 glasses per night etc. Without doubt it was related to work stress (I love my job but it is incredibly demanding). So over christmas and new year, it wasn't that difficult to not drink when at home with kids, with family or busy in evenings with stuff. I didn't mind driving or going out with others who were drinking, but now I'm back at work my craving for a drink in the evening is ridiculous.

I am committed to stopping drinking, I don't think I'll never have a drink again but I really want to change my habits to a drink being the occasional treat when out rather than a norm. I am already noticing the difference in energy levels, my skin, better sleep, less anxiety (a big issue for me) and weight loss (desperately needed and part of the motivation!). BUT I am worried about how hard I am finding it. It is just the evenings, once kids are in bed and work emails dealt with.... I absolutely want a glass of wine! I feel like I am not allowed a drink until I don't actually really want one if that makes sense! DH and I have agreed to stop having alcohol in the house and only drink when out (pretty rare!). However, it makes me worry I have an issue with alcohol and am in denial!

If you are finding it that hard to give up I'm sure it's a bit worrisome. Have you considered finding some sort of peer support group? Sometimes it's just very helpful to be part of a group that you can discuss things with who are in a similar situation.

So as not to drip feed, I'm a recovering alcoholic with many years of sobriety, so I understand how hard it is to alter the habit.

Have you got anything else that you use for relaxation at home? Sounds like you was using the wine to help you de-stress, but now you've given up the wine you haven't got anything else to help you de-stress.

I think timing can trigger you wanting a drink, if your old habit is to open a bottle after a tough day when the kids are in bed then getting through that hour or so is very hard. It doesn't necessarily make you an alcoholic.

Have you thought about making a new habit? Have a bath? Or read a book.
I think if you can do a month of breaking the habit then it won't be so hard!

Bambamber - I'm working on my liking of herbal tea! I think the only comfort I have is that I was fine through the holidays just been the last two days when I've been back at work that have been bad!

It's a habit and something u enjoy. I'm the same with chocolate. Kids in bed then crack open a bar. I'm trying to stop so now it's fizzy water with squeeze of lemon/lime

Go read Kick The Drink by Jason Vale. Up until November I was drinking like you but slightly more at weekends. I stopped completely and I'm finding it so much easier than when I quit for a week or promised myself I would cut down because I simply don't drink.

Honestly, it's changed my life.

I’m in exactly the same boat BowBow. So first thing, let’s pat each other on the back for making a start! I’m currently sat with a chamomile tea attempting to read. I’ve kept myself busy with domestic chores I’d normally ignore or leave till weekend. I’ll go to bed early and listen to a half hour relaxation session (Andrew Johnson very good). I could murder a red or a G&T but what excites me more is knowing I’ll have maximum concentration and focus in my meetings tomorrow in work instead of my synapses failing to fire and be filled with self loathing. Like you I want to redefine my use of booze. It’s a hard habit to break but I will slowly start to fill my prior booze time with other things, until I’ve got into new habits and booze becomes a treat. Good luck x

Alcoholic free lager? You only need one, and it's more to take the edge off the habit of having a drink at that time. Becks blue or bittbuger are the best
Or make a nice fancy tonic water with ice and a slice and some bitters.

Get onto the Dry January threads. They are incredibly supportive. I find Dry January relatively easy - I'm doing it now, but at times it's hard.

There’s some really nice alcohol free gin substitutes (seedlip is the one we have)...a non/g&t feels like a drink without being one...does seem to take the craving away! Or non alc beer works too...

I’m trying really hard to cut down...

If you've only been back at work two days, I wouldn't worry massively. We make connections pretty well. Come back from work = drink. Give it a week and see if the habit wears off. If not, you may need more support.

You need replace it with something else. A hot chocolate & a bath, a peppermint tea & a book?

Well done so far op!

Give it more time! You've spent years developing the habit, it's going to take time to develop new and different habits, but they will come and while that's happening, keep reminding yourself how much better you feel the next day without it.

Getting support is always a good thing and there are lots of good ideas on this thread. :)

I can take or leave alcohol, if I am honest, and always do dry January.

Do you think having a drink has just become a routine rather than an addiction?

If you are struggling with herbal teas, I like them but others not so much! they are awful if you add sugar. Why not try layered fruit juice, pineapple, grapefruit and orange. Elderflower cordial. Becks Blue is brilliant, alcohol free and taste is good, DH loves it. Other non alcohol beers he has tried aren’t great to be honest. As others have said it becomes a habit and it will become easier with time. You will be saving quite a bit of money and calories OP so be sure to treat yourself to something nice.

Another recommendation for Jason Vale, here. I was halfway through his book and didn't have another drink for months, without even thinking about it.

Op it’s habit.

Time of day is a bitch. 5pm is when I get the itch for wine (which is odd because I don’t drink at that time) but it’s gone by 7.30.

If you had any kind of addiction you would have had issues at the start, when it actual fact you found it easy because you were home with the kids.

Remember alcohol doesn’t relax you. It numbs you, real relaxation is a nice hot bath, your muscles softening, kicking off your shoes and sitting comfortably at home.
Those things are relaxation.

If you associate wine with relaxation you need to see it for it’s true colours.

Would it help to restructure your thinking? Maybe by approaching it as ‘I can have a drink if I really, really want one’, rather than ‘I cannot have a drink at all’. It might take the pressure off a bit. I have two friends who quit smoking this way, because by thinking this way they hadn’t turned cigarettes into an unattainable desire (which makes you want it even more), and reverses the thought patterns a bit. Every time they didn’t smoke when they had a craving, they knew they can’t have wanted a cigarette that badly.

I don’t think wanting a drink this week makes you an addict, by the way. Any pattern or habit is hard to break after a while.

ANY habit that brings you pleasure can be very difficult to overcome. I don't think you should be so hard on yourself and worry that you have a "problem" with alcohol. Obviously you don't as you've been able to abstain. Give yourself some more time and I promise it will get easier.

Kitsharrington I’m the complete opposite to that.

If I have no choice then it doesn’t cross my mind for even a second.
For example if I’m pregnant or like now, taking matronidazole. It’s easy not to drink when the option is taken away from me.
When this course of meds stops and I have got the option it won’t be as easy....

OP can I recommend Allen Carrs easy way to stop drinking? That will give you a very different view on what you think you need.
It doesn’t use scare tactics, it just opens your eyes.

Take a look at The Brave Babes threads on Relationships. Lots and lots of people in your situation and tones of support and suggestions for ignoring the Wine Witch.

I'm doing Dry January too. I don't think I have a problem with alcohol, but the fact that I'm not looking forward to giving it up for a month suggests that it may be more complex than that. I work 12-hr shifts (4 on/4 off) and so on a work day I don't drink at all. On my days off, it's going to be a test, though. It will be interesting to see how it all feels. I suspect if I get through DJ OK, I may give it up for good - for all the health reasons outlined by previous posters. Good luck to you.

Blimey Jason Vale copied Allen Carr practically word for word.

How the hell did he get away with that one?!

Becomes much easier after about 6 weeks. Just keep at it. You won't notice after that. The occasional drinking bit is hard though. If I can go 4 months then have one and I will then drink for a week. Better having one at all to be honest.

I will go and better having none at all! Not the bullshit I said above!