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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell aunt to stop posting pictures of grave?

39 replies

CBAforThis · 03/01/2018 20:08

My Aunt (married, not blood) is one of these people who likes to post absolutely everything on FB. From pictures of her child in hospital, to posting statuses pleading poverty, if my family members are sick to the yearly tagged picture of my dad's grave. Sometimes she just randomly posts a picture of 'we popped down to see John, we still can't believe he's gone and they'll always be someone missing in our lives' etc etc. It really ruins my day, as the last status/pic she posted I was out celebrating with friends.

I think it grates on me due to the amount of sympathy she gets. It was my dad, he died ten years ago, we're managing to carry on in life so i'm sure she can as she only saw him a few hours a year at best. It's like she really enjoys the sympathy and if her kids aren't sick, or if the car isn't broke the picture of my dad gets pulled out to get her dose of attention.

Also, where do all these people come from with all the sympathy?? She'll easily get 30 comments with people popping up if she needs to talk, or how kind she is. She literally posts various statuses three times a day attempting to get attention. Surely if people stopped pandering her she'd evidentially get bored and do something else with her time.

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 03/01/2018 20:09

Can you not just unfollow her?

Feilin · 03/01/2018 20:10

Yanbu if someone posted pics of my dads grave id have the rage. Best advice is to tell her it upsets you

Fekko · 03/01/2018 20:10

I guess you can't get her to stop - can't you block her or mute her (I don't use Facebook for just this type of reason!)

NeepNeepNeep · 03/01/2018 20:12

So married aunt means your dad wasn't even her brother? It's a bit much isn't it and very insensitive. I think it's called being a grief vampire. Can someone have a word as in on the phone not on Facebook?

NeepNeepNeep · 03/01/2018 20:14

Or maybe a public comment would be best? As in yes I miss him every day but prefer to remember him when he was living so please no more grve pics as it upsets me deeply. She cannot argue with that.

MrsJayy · 03/01/2018 20:16

Just unfollow her job done some folk are maudlin and love to be miserable.

Original poster
CBAforThis · 03/01/2018 20:16

I more worried if I delete her what she will then post!! I did drop into conversation a few years ago to my Nan that she was pleading poverty/essentially begging for money which went down a treat Grin.

I've also now unfollowed her so I don't see what she posts but she tags me with anything to do with my Dad. She often does 'We're thinking of CBAforThis at this time of year, RIP john'. It would be nice as a private message but being as a tagged status just seems as another outlet for her attention grabbing.

OP posts:
NeepNeepNeep · 03/01/2018 20:17

You also "outrank" (best word I could think of, sorry) her in terms of her attention seeking grief game so she should be called on it and made to stop otherwise you will have this forever more. I am sorry about your dad.

Somerford · 03/01/2018 20:17

It's not as simple as blocking her. That works fine for the most part but this is very personal. This a grief junkie using the memory of the OP's father for Facebook likes. Put yourself in OP's position. She knows that it will still be going on even if she unfollows or blocks her Aunt and it needs to stop whether OP is able to see it or not. It's sick.

Bluedoglead · 03/01/2018 20:17

Unfollow her. You’re still friends but you don’t see her stuff in your feed. I’ve done it with a family member it’s very liberating.

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 03/01/2018 20:18

Oh my DA does this but at least she is Ddad’s sister. All of that side of the family do it a bit though. They mean well but they tidy it up and put plastic flowers on. It’s a specific nature cemetery that they turn back into forest eventually as per his wishes. Drives me crackers tbh but I just say thanks and don’t engage. Not worth arguing about.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 03/01/2018 20:18

Don't block, just unfriend, or hide, or unfollow. She won't know. You can stop people tagging you, I think. If she asks why, tell her it upsets you. That's reasonable.

mumonashoestring · 03/01/2018 20:19

Some people respond to anything on Facebook without giving an awful lot of thought to why it was posted, who else might be able to see it, how their response might affect those other people... One of my cousins died very young - the rest of the family have got to the point of being able to reminisce and share some happier memories, but have given up trying to do so online (easiest way as they're all over the world) her paternal grandmother responds to anything online with "MY BEAUTIFUL GRANDDAUGHTER, WHY GOD, WHY" and a load of her friends weigh in pouring sympathy on her, completely ignoring her parents trying to share some happier memories instead of just reliving the sadness over and over again (for the record cousin couldn't stand her grandmother's catastrophising either).

Idontevencareanymore · 03/01/2018 20:19

I'd go with neeps suggestion.
I'd really dislike if someone posted pictures of my dad's grave, let alone someone who barely had time for him when alive.

Also unfollow.

pasturesgreen · 03/01/2018 20:20

I'm pretty sure you can adjust your Facebook settings so that when someone wants to tag you in a picture you have to approve it first.

GingerbreadMa · 03/01/2018 20:20

You can stop people tagging you in settings

Nicknacky · 03/01/2018 20:20

I would speak to her and would make no apologies for it. On the day ,y mum died my dad sister (who hadn't fucking visited once when my mum died) posted in fb " well it's a day of mixed emotions, my SIL died RIP but I got a new puppy"!! And put photos of the dog up. Then I had to read her friends offering condolences and saying how cute the ugly dog was. I was raging. She weeped and wailed through the cremation and then fucked off home to the dog without even speaking to us.

Not that I'm bitter lol! So yeah, speak to her. Grief thief.

NeepNeepNeep · 03/01/2018 20:20

It is just so crass isn't it. The next step will be a graveside selfie with sad duckface.

loveablether · 03/01/2018 20:21

Yanbu

MrsJayy · 03/01/2018 20:21

You can do permission to tag thing so she can't tag you or you are going to have to be upfront about it and ask her not to post pictures of the grave on facebook.

NeepNeepNeep · 03/01/2018 20:21

Holy shit NickNacky that is so jaw droppingly awful!

Fluffyears · 03/01/2018 20:22

I would definitely post a reply asking her to cease as she is making a difficult thing more traumatic.

Nicknacky · 03/01/2018 20:24

neep so much so my spelling and grammar went to shit in my rage for the op!

And she never once visited when mum was ill. I had to message her asking her to contact her fucking brother and he has never heard from her since. And I would have said we were a relatively normal family. Didn't meet up much but were always there for each other.

GingerbreadMa · 03/01/2018 20:25

A reply will get pounced on by her misery-junkie online buddies and you'll just get dragged into a bunfight and she'll get more attention and will follow it up with a cryptic post about "some people"

Eugh
Hide/block dont engage

Original poster
CBAforThis · 03/01/2018 20:26

Thanks pasture and ginger I'm going to do that now.

I must admit that side of the family was always somewhat strange so my dad always kept them at arms length. My dad absolutely detested this lady as she's a drama queen in person and everything has to be about her. But in reality she's actually really nice, funny, caring and quite good company if she's not talking how awful her childhood was, how her kids have every illness (think Zika without leaving the UK) or how deprived she is.

I just don't understand how some people just love attention. She's actually quite talented and could have good attention through her work but nope it's all RIP to her DB Confused

OP posts: