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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Valentine's Day... (Yep an early one)!

32 replies

TerrysChocolate · 03/01/2018 18:31

I've NC for this as some details will be quite outing and don't want friends on MN to see my other posts.

But AIBU to think if you're in a relationship, spending Valentine's Day should be a no brainer on being spent together?

I know some people on MN don't buy into V day and I have a reason for asking, but don't want to say just yet as I want the opinions to my question before it's all about why I asked (if you don't mind☺️).

Thanks everyone!

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 03/01/2018 18:32

But AIBU to think if you're in a relationship, spending Valentine's Day should be a no brainer on being spent together?

No, we both hate Valentine’s Day and haven’t ever done anything to “celebrate” it.

ShirleyPhallus · 03/01/2018 18:33

1000% not. I’m on holiday with friends over Valentine’s Day, didn’t even think to be at home for it. Literally didn’t even enter my head.

YABVU

19lottie82 · 03/01/2018 18:35

No, not unless you’re 16.

torthecatlady · 03/01/2018 18:36

Valentine's Day for us a is small token gift and a card. We usually work opposite hours to each other. We wouldn't book a holiday to specifically spend it together, but if neither of us happened to be in work we would spend it together.

Shakey15000 · 03/01/2018 18:38

We might buy each other a card but really wouldn't be bothered if we were apart. We're married 18years. It may be different if I was a teenager and in the first throes of a giddy relationship.

Original poster
TerrysChocolate · 03/01/2018 18:40

I get if there's a reason like a holiday but basically I'll just tell you all what's the situation.

1st VDay I was with DP, he made a booking at a restaurant for us before we were supposed to celebrate his brothers birthday and go on a night out the same day. He ran late coming home from work, (I was with him helping at his work that day so not an excuse)!so we missed the reservation.

Next year he was on holiday.

But this year I've said how I'd love to spend just one valentines with him as I've never in my life spent it with someone so I just want that special little day. I asked him today if I could plan something would be be up for it and he said "I don't know yet". Yet?! What could he possibly else be doing if he doesn't even know

OP posts:
jaseyraex · 03/01/2018 18:40

We generally buy each other a card and DH always gets me a bunch of flowers. I love flowers but he has terrible hay fever so Valentine's Day is the only time I get them! But we don't go out of our way to spend the day together. If DH happens to have the day off work then great. We spend many other lovely days together, Valentine's Day is nothing special.

Original poster
TerrysChocolate · 03/01/2018 18:40

I don't want a card or gift, simply to spend time with him that day.

OP posts:
Butttons · 03/01/2018 18:42

For us V-day is no different to any other day. I think we gave each other cards the first year but havent bothered for the 15 years since

jaseyraex · 03/01/2018 18:43

TerrysChocolate

Cross posted with you OP. I do sort of get where you're coming from. In the first few years of mine and DH relationship we usually spent the day together. It's not unreasonable to want one lovely special day if you've never had it before. Why don't you sort something for you both to do? Or if he happens to have plans then have your own Valentine's Day on another day.

PinkHeart5914 · 03/01/2018 18:43

What is Valentine’s Day really though? I mean it’s like the forced love day, most unromantic day ever!

If your in a loving relationship you can buy each other gifts, go to dinner etc anytime you like. You can spend time together anytime why is it somehow more special on Valentine’s Day?

SkaPunkPrincess · 03/01/2018 18:43

Why that particular day terry? what is special about it?
It's a commercial load of nonsense. You can spend time together or go out for dinner any day of the year the fact ita an arbitrary day called valentine's day makes it no more special.

nobutreally · 03/01/2018 18:44

Context: together 25 years, do celebrate Valentines day in a card/flowers/gift/he'll cook a nice meal in king-of-a-way.

I would absolutely not be bothered if we were apart for a reason - e.g. work trip/another mates birthday etc. But neither of us would organise a standard 'night out with mates' type event on valentines day - partly because everywhere is full of couples proving how loved up they are... Agree with others that I would have felt it was more of a big deal in the early stages/when I was younger.

happymummy12345 · 03/01/2018 18:45

Dh and I get each other a card, and we have a meal and drinks. But if he had to work it wouldn't be the end of the world. Yes it's nice to spend the day together if possible, but if we don't it's hardly a big issue.

Eatingwormswithwine · 03/01/2018 18:46

Valentine’s Day is nonsense, make everyday special!

whiskyfairy · 03/01/2018 18:46

Why doesn't he know yet?

Might he be working or busy? Or just non-committal?

etap · 03/01/2018 18:51

We try to spend VD itself with each other, but sometimes just not practical - same goes for other "special" occasions, but willing to compromise for a something as close to it as possible.

Trills · 03/01/2018 18:52

It's all very well saying "I don't bother with Valentine's Day".

Personally I don't care too much about exact dates.

But if I were dating someone who did care about the date, I would do something nice with them on that date.

Because I would want them to be happy, and because it wouldn't hurt me to do it.

Minniemountain · 03/01/2018 18:53

The whole thing is a pile of poo.

Then again if you want to spend that particular day together he's being an arse for not giving you a straight answer.

lostinspaceyetagain · 03/01/2018 18:54

If you are a school age couple then yes.

Trashboat · 03/01/2018 18:56

Nothing at all is done to mark this load of bullshit day.

If my husband was the type of person who did celebrate V day, we wouldn't have got together in the first place.

Not sure why people need to be told that they have to do something special on this particular day and adhere to it.

Pick another day that's not February 14th and make that your special day.

g1itterati · 03/01/2018 18:57

OP it's if no consequence whatsoever what other people think or do. If it's important to you, then Valentines should be important to him. What does he mean, he's not sure what he'll be doing? Confused. It's not that hard to spend the day with your partner and book something is it? Be very clear with him that you would like a night away and expect some effort. It's only one day, as you say.

MrsBonato · 03/01/2018 18:57

DH works away all week, if valentine's Day isn't on the weekend then we don't spend it together.

I used to love valentine's Day but it doesn't bother me anymore, we do special stuff other times, it's nicer.

NancyJoan · 03/01/2018 18:59

So, he’s hoping he might get a better offer. Lovely.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 03/01/2018 19:12

It would be my first with my current partner so would ideally like to see him and I like getting and giving a card, but I can cope without being together depending on work etc. As long as we are in each others thoughts!

However, wrt going out I'd rather do a special daytrip or date night another night anyway as V-day itself is a bit of a rip off/too busy. It can still be YOUR Valentines day!

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