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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think WTF and just not have anything to do with this couple any more?

36 replies

TheKitchenWitch · 03/01/2018 15:10

I will try and keep it short:

We've spent the last NYE with a couple we know, who have a ds about the same age as our elder ds. My DH and the other H ("Bobo") are actually friends, but we do get together a few times a year and the wife ("Jane") and I get on well.
Last year, we hosted NYE (baby ds2), and a little while before they were supposed to show up we get a call that Jane is unwell with a cold and won't be coming, Bob and son turn up, all going well, when Jane starts calling Bob every half hour or so. Numerous hushed conversations take place. Bob stops answering his phone so Jane phones her ds who asks loudly in front of us all "So mum wants to know are we going to go home before midnight?".
So they do, they leave our house just after 11pm to be at home with Jane at 12.

Fast forward to this year.
Again at our house (todder ds2!), other friends coming too, not just this couple (Bob's mum is coming this year too). 15 minutes before they should arrive Bob calls to say that their ds has just got in and is feeling unwell so he's going to have a lie down and they will be late.
An hour later Bob and his mum show up, as Jane is staying at home with their son who is feeling a bit dizzy and unwell.
Again a number of calls over the evening, including one to our landline, but it's their ds calling, not Jane, and he immediately wants to speak to his father (doesn't respond to me asking how he's feeling now).
We hear no more from them, Bob and his mum spend new year's eve with us, all is fine and lovely. No message from Jane to wish us Happy New Year at 12, no text or whatsapp or anything.

Haven't heard anything from them since. I want to spend NYE with people who want to spend it with us too. If you're not interested, then just say no instead of pissing us about.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 03/01/2018 15:15

Some people are weird about parties and equally weird about their other other half’s going out without them. I’ve had friends like that in the past. It’s sad for them.

Or if one of them has something like anxiety, they can get stressed out being left.

Not your problem though, just don’t invite them next year.

hibbledibble · 03/01/2018 15:17

Is it really that bad?

It sounds like Bob and his wife had am argument, I wouldnt hold that against Bob.

Namechangetempissue · 03/01/2018 15:19

I don't know really? Sounds like Jane has just had two years of shite luck with NYE on the face of it, but you know her better -do you see her throughout the year and its all happy and friendly? Or do you get the dislike vibe? Maybe she just didn't want to sit at home alone on NYE while her DH was out having fun? Hard to say. Just don't invite them next year if you would rather not.

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 03/01/2018 15:22

Maybe she took your invitation to mean a swinging party and they were both too afraid to be at your home together incase you made any unsuitable suggestions?!

1stX · 03/01/2018 15:24

Something is going on between them but it’s not your business. Sounds like Bob needs his friend though so I don’t see why you’d cut him out.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 03/01/2018 15:27

Honestly, it sounds like Bob is perfectly normal and pleasant but may have a controlling spouse.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 03/01/2018 15:28

Don't cut him off sounds like he needs friends.

CurryWorst · 03/01/2018 15:30

She may be suffering with severe anxiety or another problem.

Does it really affect you? Clearly they have some issue, whatever it is, how about giving them the benefit of the doubt and thinking a little less of yourselves?
Don't invite them if you don't want to.

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 03/01/2018 15:35

That's odd... what is your relationship like with Jane normally?

AnyFucker · 03/01/2018 15:36

These almost non-events happened a year apart

Why are you taking it personally ?

Mrscaindingle · 03/01/2018 15:38

Definitely sounds like there's issues between Bob and Jane but I think you are reading too much into it and don't really think it's about you or not wanting to go to your house. I get that it might be a bit annoying if Jane is being flaky re arrangementsbut I don't get why you're annoyed that she didn't send you a Happy New Year message!

Flomper · 03/01/2018 15:39

She has issues. They're not yours. Just invite him next year, and turn landline off. Your part of the problem solved.

Mix56 · 03/01/2018 15:41

Don't invite them again,

supersop60 · 03/01/2018 15:47

What are they like the rest of the year?

ReanimatedSGB · 03/01/2018 15:53

The likelihood is that either Jane is a controlling bitch with some sort of attention-seeker disorder which means her H is never allowed out without a billion texts and phone calls to ensure his night is ruined and other people laugh at him... Or Jane (or one of their DC) has a health problem of some kind and Bob always makes sure that Jane is the one stuck at home dealing with it because he needs to 'relax' as he is the Man.

purpleflower23 · 03/01/2018 15:53

Bobo

onalongsabbatical · 03/01/2018 15:54

Lots of people get ill at this time of year. I wouldn't assume anything weirder than that without further evidence.

SoGoodToBeBackHomeAgain · 03/01/2018 15:54

Bobo
Not helpful but that made me smile!

GoodLittleWoman · 03/01/2018 15:54

I honestly don't see the big deal here tbh

SoGoodToBeBackHomeAgain · 03/01/2018 15:55

X post with Purple

Rudgie47 · 03/01/2018 16:03

Couldnt be doing with all that when I was trying to relax.
If you husband wants to see his friend then fair enough, but I'd want nothing more to do with inviting these people as a family. They are better off all at home by themselves.

thecatsthecats · 03/01/2018 16:06

If my fiance had gone out for NY without me, I might have been the same this year.

I've suffered awfully with migraines and sickness over the last couple of months. We had a week away together, and then Christmas apart with our families. I just wanted to chill NY, and be ready to spend time sorting house bobbins on NYD, not schlepping over to his parents or our friends.

Luckily, my fiance understood this and we both stayed in. But I would hate to think of my problems causing his friends or family to ditch him or me or us.

You sound like you only want to be a good time friend.

rcit · 03/01/2018 16:07

I just wouldn't invite them again. Too much hard work.

Original poster

TheKitchenWitch · 03/01/2018 16:13

Maybe it's because I wouldn't act like this - if I was ill and told DH and DS to go out, then I might text to see how it's going but I certainly wouldn't be calling every half an hour and I wouldn't expect them to come home at midnight given that that is sort of the point of going out on NYE.

This time round, Bob was not in the least bit worried about his DS, which did make me wonder how ill he really was.

Jane and I do text for things like birthdays, Christmas etc. if we're not actually seeing each other.

DH and Bob will continue to see each other I assume as they're actually friends, but I don't think I want to be let down again. I get enough of that from family. Maybe it's just a sore point for me so I'm taking it a bit too seriously. DSIL got MIL to phone and say she "probably wasn't coming " on Christmas day (both were invited to ours) about an hour before they were due, and then as we were halfway through the meal she phoned to say she was coming after all.
I guess I just feel a bit like they're all taking the piss.

OP posts:

RavingRoo · 03/01/2018 16:15

Do you explicitly invite Jane to these parties, or do the invites go via Bobo?

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