Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do about woman claiming to be my mother?

60 replies

ColdThisWinter · 03/01/2018 11:45

Early November I received a FB message from a lady claiming to be my birth mother.

I am not adopted. I emailed back explaining I wasn’t who she was looking for and wished her well.

I didn’t hear anything back so thought all done and dusted. But a few days later I received another message saying of course I was, a lengthy back story, none of which is relevant to my life whatsoever, but most alarmingly she has researched my family and due to some press regarding my late DSis (organ donation) spouted a lot of vile things about how I needed her because my parents couldn’t even keep their own baby alive let alone the one she’d given them.

It is all fallacy/fantasy. My family is my blood family.

I didn’t respond but blocked her, after having a quick check of her profile and she seems, aside from this, a normal woman with her own family.

However, shes now messaged from another account demanding I stop denying who I really am and allow her a chance to meet me.

I know it’s not true, none of her facts are correct, down to her saying my birthdate is four years earlier than my actual birthday, something I carefully explained in my original response.

Initially my heart went out to this woman but now my major fear is she will start to send messages to my wider family.

Is 101 an extreme response? I have told my parents but think regardless if they know it may come that a message telling them it’s their fault that my DSis passed away and how could they let her be ‘chopped up’ is likely to send my DM over the edge.

Blocking won’t work if she’s just going to keep coming from different accounts. I’m just morally torn. If she did give up a baby I can only imagine the torment of wanting to find them, but that doesn’t mean I should tolerate being bombarded, does it?

OP posts:
dworky · 03/01/2018 12:21

She is an obsessive who is stalking you. Contact paladinservice.co.uk who will advise you how to proceed.

IlikemyTeahot · 03/01/2018 12:22

Take screenshots of all messages. If she disappears the messages will too

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2018 12:24

Too late for screenshots if the OP has blocked her as they will have disappeared.

Original poster
ColdThisWinter · 03/01/2018 12:26

I’ve already got screenshots and I’ve got to email them to a local officer.

I really don’t want to be involved further than giving info needed to get her to stop/the help she needs if she needs it. I try to live by the ‘be kind, you never know’ mantra but this is beyond limits of what I have time or space for.

I’ll check the link dworky, thank you.

OP posts:
onalongsabbatical · 03/01/2018 12:29

You sound like you're handling it really well.

So many distressed or crazy or ill or downright manipulative and criminal people out there - not your job to find out which she is.

IrkThePurist · 03/01/2018 12:41

it had also crossed my mind it could be a scam designed to get you to say, actually my birth name is x, I was born in y on z date.

Thats a really good point, there are some scam watch websites. You could share this with them and they can warn everyone in their newsletter.

www.actionfraud.police.uk/

Ginkypig · 03/01/2018 12:41

Your doing the right thing and you have a good attitude from your last post.

If she is fact ill then only the police and local agencies can help so they needed to be told.

On the other hand if she is a scammer or someone unsavoury in another way then again police need to know to deal with it

I'm very sorry though that she has said those things about your sister even if she does turn out to be unwell that must have been hard to hear! Flowers

Sparklesocks · 03/01/2018 12:48

What a nasty thing to happen OP - I am sorry you’re having to put up with it - not to mention it’s utterlu bizarre.

Sounds like you have your head screwed on and have done all the right things, and it shows your character that despite the fact you are dealing with such a stressful thing your main concern is protecting your family from such horrible words about your Dsis. You sound lovely.

Please keep us updated Flowers

Hatsoffdear · 03/01/2018 12:52

Sounds very frightening op.

ColdThisWinter · 03/01/2018 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ravenmum · 03/01/2018 13:02

You could easily persuade someone to send you a scanned copy of their birth certificate this way, I bet. Scary.

Fossie · 03/01/2018 13:07

OP I would remove your last post. You have given enough detail to be identified in RL.

MiddleClassProblem · 03/01/2018 13:08

Glad you report d it. It sounds awful. Organ donation is a wonderful thing. Whether it’s a scam or a real person, what an awful way to treat someone. If it were true, why on earth would you want someone with that venom to be in your life? Not that it is true.

QuimReaper · 03/01/2018 13:19

OP I would remove your last post. You have given enough detail to be identified in RL

Confused

That her sister was an organ donor? Not very outing, and also mentioned in the OP!

Straycatblue · 03/01/2018 13:19

Yes it has been frightening. Luckily, from my quick sleuthing, it seems she lives a long way from us so that’s a relief to say the least.

OP. you have no idea where she lives, you can choose whatever location you want to put on your FB and she has already messaged you from multiple fake accounts, you have no way of knowing if the original account was even genuine.

And as I said earlier, she may not even be a woman .

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 03/01/2018 13:23

How very disturbing OP, you're handling it perfectly. I hope its soon sorted out, and your peace of mind is restored.🌸

Sheila56 · 03/01/2018 13:42

I had this a few years ago, though in my case the woman claimed to be my sister..I asked my Mum about this, she laughed for quite a long time, then said NO, she didn't have any more children, and the woman was quite obviously crazy..The woman insisted she was my sister, and all the facts fitted..I asked her my siblings names and my mother's name..She couldn't supply any of them..My Dad said he would have remembered my Mum having another one, and then giving her away..After a few more increasingly ranting messages, I blocked her from anything I used online..Don't know what she thought would happen..

FlakeBook · 03/01/2018 15:06

I identified the OP with one Google click, Quim, due to her sister's age, involvement in the decision and the siblings.

She sounds like an amazing person and the OP is right to feel so much pride. But if she doesn't want to be identified, the post is best removed.

sophiepotato · 03/01/2018 16:26

OP I too can identify your sister from a google search based on the information in this thread. Its not very likely this woman will stumble across it but sadly I think you should consider having it deleted if you would prefer not to be identified. I'm glad it seems to have been helpful to you.

Amatree · 03/01/2018 16:30

I couldn't believe you could possibly be identified from what you've said so I tested it out and the above PPs are right, you may want to get this deleted. I'm sorry something so horrible is happening to you after all you've been through already.

Ohyesiam · 03/01/2018 16:31

Up your privacy settings.

Pibplob · 03/01/2018 17:11

I couldn't work out who you are. Maybe I missed something out but as others have I would prob get it deleted too.

SchoolMoney · 03/01/2018 17:15

OP not to scare you but it was very easy to find details based on what you have said and Google as pp have said. I do hope the police help you and you are rid of this woman harassing you.

Tipsntoes · 03/01/2018 17:41

I didn't believe those who said it is easy to find you, but it is! That is scary.

Dontsweathesmallstuff · 03/01/2018 18:13

Coldthiswinter Ive reported your thread to MNHQ, hopefully they can deleted necessary identifying stuff. It couldn't believe how easy it was to find you and i'm usually useless at that sort of thing.