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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking that saying "family time is sacred" is a bit precious

49 replies

bonbonours · 02/01/2018 22:42

I have come across this a couple of times, most recently when trying to book an appointment with someone to use a voucher I was given (ie that they've already been paid for). My daughter also has a friend who is never ever available for a playdate at a weekend because they it;s family time.

So, people who can't do anything at a weekend because "family time is sacred"??? I have three kids, we are very busy, family time is very limited, but we fit in our 'quality time' when we can, in between the million and one things we have to or want to do. I wouldn't dream of refusing to do something at a weekend just because it's a weekend and all the family are at home (If we actually had something specific planned then that would be different). We are ludicrously busy during the week after school so weekends are the only time we can fit anything in.

So my question is, if you have the policy that weekend family time is not to be interrupted by anything, do you really spend the whole weekend engaged in 'quality time' social family activities? Do your kids not ever watch crap kids TV or films while you get on with something, or just play in their rooms, read etc?

In both the examples I've come across I'm not asking someone to spend the whole day doing something, it would be less than an hour out of their day. I'm just not sure why it would be so dreadful for the child to entertain themselves (or be looked after by the father) for 45 minutes while the mother does something, or for the child to go and see a friend while the rest of the family get on with other things.

OP posts:

honeylulu · 02/01/2018 22:53

I know several families that say this and I do think it seems a bit precious.
My kids would be bored shitless if they were stuck with just boring old mummy and daddy all weekend every weekend. We see our friends and theirs too.
We do both work FT though so if we didn't see friends at weekends it just wouldn't happen!

cakeflower · 02/01/2018 22:53

Agree with you. I think parents who do this are a bit weird and controlling. Yes have family time but also don’t get in the way of your children seeing their friends and developing their own independent lives.

YouTheCat · 02/01/2018 22:56

Are these the families that drag their kids round the supermarket at the weekends?

RavingRoo · 02/01/2018 22:57

I can understand protected weekend family time when both parents work. Wouldn’t be able to see the kids otherwise!

ReadyForGoodNews · 02/01/2018 22:58

There was a mum at my children's primary school a few years back who used to say this. Always made me wonder if I was depriving my children of some sacred special time by not spending every minute of my weekend with them

PolarBearGoingSomewhere · 02/01/2018 22:59

"Family time" doesn't necessarily mean actual "we are sitting on our arses together having conversations and bonding"... it probably just means that play dates and stuff would suit them better to be evenings or school holidays instead due to visiting the in-laws, taking DC to gymnastics, going swimming and actually, you know, relaxing.

I've known a few people who use the phrase and they just seem to mean that weekends are pretty busy with various hobbies and they don't want to devote an hour of their time to a trip to a mundane film at the cinema or schlepping about to playdates / dropping off just one or other of the DC.

TractorTedTed · 02/01/2018 23:01

Yes, I'm with you.

In fact I never quite get what 'family' time actually is. It's nice to spend time all 4 of us together, but dh and I also have individual hobbies we like to fit in if we can, the kids like to do their hobbies / see friends / go to parties etc.

Going out for the day as a family for example is lovely, but expensive usually and not something we do all the time.e

We all like being active /busy actually, so we're normally pleased when people suggest doing things at the weekend!

IrnBruTortie · 02/01/2018 23:03

Yes, weekends are precious, but part of family time for me is also getting to know my DCs friends. For example, today my DC1 went with his best mate to an event in the city centre with his mate’s family, and I took DC1’s mate’s younger sibling and together spent time with DC2having fun. ‘‘Twas lovely.
Family time doesn’t always have to be absolutely nuclear family with no additions. I want to get to know the others who are important to my DC, give them a chance to know those who are important to me, and see the ways other families operate too. And tbh, my DC 1is more likely to open up to my best pal rather than me about some things, simply because she is one stage removed. This is fine.
OP, you are right.

squoosh · 02/01/2018 23:04

It sounds so insufferably pompous. I imagine them sitting in solemn contemplation of what a wondrous unit the Clan Smith is. Nodding gravely at one another from time to time and looking disapprovingly at the world beyond the window doing non-scared things like shopping, and cycling their bikes, and scratching their bums.

Get over yourselves and just say 'Saturday is a bit busy, we have some family stuff on'.

scrabbler3 · 02/01/2018 23:04

I think it's arisen from Facebook. I've seen a few family time and making memories statuses. It's a bit naff but on the other hand I know a family where the parents' only common day off is every second Sunday, which they do try to keep free, although they won't deprive a child of attending a party or anything as draconian as that.

Celticlassie · 02/01/2018 23:06

My friend's husband says this. So she's not allowed to go out while he sits and watches Sky Sports and she entertains the kids.

Gwenhwyfar · 02/01/2018 23:06

Must be awful for teenagers.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 02/01/2018 23:07

It's up to them really. Different things work differently for different families. Some families are very outgoing and sociable and some are very close knit and private. There isn't a right or wrong.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 02/01/2018 23:08

When we say family time it generally means we will all be here at home but doing our own thing. We won't be watching films and eating popcorn together, actually far from it. It just means we don't want visitors and don't want to be visiting anyone else.

MyDcAreMarvel · 02/01/2018 23:08

I wouldn't use that phrase , but neither would I meet up with friend at a weekend unless it was both our families together.
Saturdays we go out for the day with the dc. Sundays we go to church in the morning , then eat lunch and watch a movie.

steppemum · 02/01/2018 23:09

I once phoned someone to speak to the husband.
The DW told me he was having special 1:2:1 time with his son, and would phone me back.

10 minutes later he phoned back, he had been reading his son a bedtime story.

Had I known what to call it, I could have bragged about HOURS and HOURS of 'special time' I had with my kids!!

peachgreen · 02/01/2018 23:09

I don't think your examples mean they stay at home and do nothing all weekend - one was not wanting a play date (fair enough, they can be done after school easily) and the other was someone not wanting to WORK, which is perfectly reasonable! I wouldn't do either of those things at a weekend either, but I would see family and friends as a family.

NataliaOsipova · 02/01/2018 23:09

Get over yourselves and just say 'Saturday is a bit busy, we have some family stuff on'.

Agree! Means the same, but sounds a lot less pompous

Lottapianos · 02/01/2018 23:09

Spot on squoosh. Very smug (them, not you)

We don't have children but are honorary aunt and uncle to my friend's kids. Her husband has recently announced that weekends are 'family time' so we are not allowed to visit or see them at weekends i.e. the only time we can visit as they live far away. It's extremely suffocating and controlling, and also very hurtful. So 'family time' can shove off as far as I'm concerned

AuntieAunt · 02/01/2018 23:12

My sister uses this phrase a lot and I get it. Her DH works all week, and with the busyness of extra-curricular, play dates, school, running errands they want their Saturdays free for day trips/things you can't do after school/during the week.

She has tried to keep saturdays free from extra-curricular activities too as she's rushing around getting the kids to sports/music/dance/drama during the week, she doesn't want to have to commit to another day of dropping off/picking up. They spend their weekends visiting family (an hour drive away), seeing people who work during the week, going away on day trips etc. If something only takes an hour why not do it during the week?

gillybeanz · 02/01/2018 23:14

Our family time has always been sacred, we spend time together whenever we can, and are very close.
I'm sort of happy to be precious if that's the case.
We don't put anything before time we've booked to be together, unless it can't be avoided.
We are like the old building society ad "We want to be together"

Misspilly88 · 02/01/2018 23:16

I would never use the phrase but I definitely try to avoid events on weekends. I feel like I never see my husband and I want to spend time with him and for him to see the children. Surely it's just down to individuals personalities?

gillybeanz · 02/01/2018 23:16

Here

Original poster

bonbonours · 02/01/2018 23:19

peachgreen true on the work front but where you've already been paid for this work, and you knew when you accepted the job it wouldn't be possible during school hours? Maybe I'm the weird one because although I fit my work in around my kids, it still often includes doing some of it at weekends. I just accept that. If you work from home/for yourself then you're not tied to Mon-Fri 9-5 and surely it's in your own interests to be a bit flexible. Again, asking someone to work all day when the kids are home is one thing, asking them to do less than an hours work is a bit different.

OP posts:

GingerbreadMa · 02/01/2018 23:19

I agree with this in theory. And we DO enjoy our family time. But I never say it that way cause it makes you sound like a wanker. I just we have plans.

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