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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking that saying "family time is sacred" is a bit precious

49 replies

bonbonours · 02/01/2018 22:42

I have come across this a couple of times, most recently when trying to book an appointment with someone to use a voucher I was given (ie that they've already been paid for). My daughter also has a friend who is never ever available for a playdate at a weekend because they it;s family time.

So, people who can't do anything at a weekend because "family time is sacred"??? I have three kids, we are very busy, family time is very limited, but we fit in our 'quality time' when we can, in between the million and one things we have to or want to do. I wouldn't dream of refusing to do something at a weekend just because it's a weekend and all the family are at home (If we actually had something specific planned then that would be different). We are ludicrously busy during the week after school so weekends are the only time we can fit anything in.

So my question is, if you have the policy that weekend family time is not to be interrupted by anything, do you really spend the whole weekend engaged in 'quality time' social family activities? Do your kids not ever watch crap kids TV or films while you get on with something, or just play in their rooms, read etc?

In both the examples I've come across I'm not asking someone to spend the whole day doing something, it would be less than an hour out of their day. I'm just not sure why it would be so dreadful for the child to entertain themselves (or be looked after by the father) for 45 minutes while the mother does something, or for the child to go and see a friend while the rest of the family get on with other things.

OP posts:

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 02/01/2018 23:27

A voucher doesn't mean she's obliged to offer it when it suits you. Maybe weekends are the only time she gets to see her children?

mirime · 02/01/2018 23:31

DH works a lot of weekends so if he's home it is quite important for us to spend the time together if possible. Wouldn't phrase it as being precious or sacred mind.

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 02/01/2018 23:34

I work full-time, DH works part-time.
DDs are currently still small but Sunday morning currently "sacred" family time for us. And I hope that it will remain this way when DDs are a bit older....

zzzzz · 02/01/2018 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lifechallenges · 02/01/2018 23:36

My age 6/8 DC have stuff on every school eve and Sat/Sun and lots over every weekend and we both work FT. Occasionally, like at Xmas we relish the chance to stop and just have family time with just the 4 of us. I think DC need it at times. I totally get when working parents say they just want family time at a weekend

NotEnoughCats · 02/01/2018 23:40

DH works one or sometimes both weekend days, so we try and avoid doing things at weekends too. It was okay when the kids were little, we could just do weekend things on whatever day off he had and we could be more social without him at weekends, but now they are at school, whichever weekend day off he has (if he has one) is the only time we have to go out and do things as a family. I try and do household stuff and shopping during the week too, so it doesn't eat in to the little bit of time we do have.

tillytrotter1 · 02/01/2018 23:40

Are not a lot pf phrases trotted out by parents just a variation on the Python 4 Yorkshiremen sketch, to try and put their family in a superior light? 'Quality time' is another pretentious puff form of words, we're better than you because we have 'quality time'. Parenting has become exceptionally competitive sport, glad I'm well out of it.

RestingGrinchFace · 02/01/2018 23:43

We are extremely busy during the week and only getting busier. We are also extremely busy on weekends (unfortunately having a real job these days necessitates working on the weekends). We are also aware that the best advantage our children have in life is us, my husband in particular, so we prioritise spending time together over weekend engagements we people we don't know that we'll and don't like that much.

Celledora · 02/01/2018 23:53

Horrible phrase. Toddler DS and I don't see DP for 5/6 days a week for much of the year due to work so Sunday IS 'family day' though.

AppleTrayBake · 02/01/2018 23:54

I wouldn't choose to have 'play-dates' at the weekend, unless we were meeting up with another family and all doing something together.

I like spending my weekends with DH and the kids, not sitting in soft play with a school mum. I have young DC though, but at the moment we all love and look forward to our weekends.

I would never call it 'family-time' or memory making though.

maximu · 02/01/2018 23:57

It's something people say as an excuse! I can guarantee that anybody who says this would happily spend time with non family if the offer was good enough.

BestZebbie · 03/01/2018 00:03

Maybe they are from all the other Mumsnet threads where the DH has to be clawed back from doing his hobby out of the house for 4/5ths of every weekend and if the DW gave an inch by going out to see her friend one Saturday after making a fuss about it, they'd never see him at a weekend again? ;-)

dancinfeet · 03/01/2018 00:13

hmmm depends. I know someone whose husband works away for weeks at a time on an oil rig, when he is home then their family time is sacred before he goes off for god knows how long again. I can understand this, and people in similar situations.

The person who rang me enquiring about dance lessons for four year olds (held sat mornings) then complained about the day and class time as their family weekend time was sacred, not so much. Obviously a saturday morning may not be convenient for everyone (and it's acceptable to say thanks, but no thanks), but to demand that I move the class to another day so that her child could attend was ridiculous.

nothruroad · 03/01/2018 00:17

This is why I never see my friends anymore. Weekends are family time & they're too tired in evenings. It's crap as a single childless person to never see anyone at the weekend.

Boulshired · 03/01/2018 00:57

So when do people fit in hobbies and friends if weekdays are too busy and weekends family time? I want my children to see me as a family person but also a role model with indendent interests and friends, the same things I want for them.

MakeItStopNeville · 03/01/2018 01:11

My 4 are all teenagers and, although I try not to be a twat about it, 2pm Sunday onwards is family time. No visitors dropping in, no sports, no clubs. We eat out, we do stuff together even if, occasionally, it’s watching a movie while we all prat around on our iPads at the same time. The rest of the week is crazy and I don’t think it’s oarticularly precious or poncey to say, “We need this time to just be about us.”

BarbarianMum · 03/01/2018 01:17

Weekends are for family (and extended family) and out of town friends here. Kids can of course see their local friends if we are not busy and they sort it for themselves but no way am I co ordinating playdates etc.

HangingRoundInABofAlorsStance · 03/01/2018 01:29

Family time is the excuse I use for people who won't take no for an answer wrt playdates - it covers all weekends so I don't have to invent 52 different excuses as to why I am busy each weekend
It's a polite way of saying fuck off when you can't say fuck off.

Misspilly88 · 03/01/2018 10:05

Good for you. People have different ways of doing things. We are all different, and have different priorities. I have a friend who works full time with young DC because she wants to be a good role model and show them mummy working. On the other hand, I wanted to be a SAHM because my mum worked full time and it made me miserable. To each their own.

Amanduh · 03/01/2018 10:10

Yeah, how utterly unreasonable for people to want to spend TWO WHOLE DAYS with their kids.
Not something I'd ever judge people on.

LockedOutOfMN · 03/01/2018 10:12

We live abroad and Sunday is definitely a family day here, as are Bank Holidays and really most if not all of the school holidays. Older kids, like teenagers, will get together and go out, but primary school age and below seem to spend that time at home. Often there are get togethers with extended family and huge groups eating together in restaurants. So we tend to have quiet Sundays, doing homework, going swimming or for walks or bike rides, tidying bedrooms, etc.

Saturdays are busier, often the DC have birthday parties and if there isn't a party then I've no objection to a play date, in fact I'd rather do it on a Saturday then on a weeknight as both DH and I work full time and the DC have clubs etc. after school as well as homework.

BeyondThePage · 03/01/2018 10:13

HangingRoundInABofAlorsStance - so eloquently put!. Exactly what I was trying to put in words.

ScouseQueen · 03/01/2018 10:18

I suspect this is an excuse as a few posters have said. We do have family time, though I would never describe it as sacred and often it is an extension of external events - eg going to one of DS's sporting fixtures, chatting in the car there and back and maybe stopping for a meal en route. Sometimes it's chilling and watching a film together at home, but it doesn't have to be. We also value time with our good friends and their kids.

2ndSopranos · 03/01/2018 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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