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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be mortified by what DH said in Tesco

75 replies

Oldsu · 02/01/2018 21:51

Dh was unloading the trolley and discovered two packs of san pro in there, he shouted across to me " why are you buying these, you're 62 you had the menopause yonks ago" then he said "OMG you can't still get pregnant can you?" and looked horrified, the poor young lad on the till went bright red and the couple behind DH looked burst out laughing , I managed to splutter "they're not for me they're to put in the food bank box with other stuff" the fact that he had blurted out my age, and the fact that I have been through the menopause and the fact that we still have 'marital relations' in a crowded store went right over his head and he now wonders why I am not talking to him - I cant go back into Tesco now can I?

OP posts:

LizzieSiddal · 02/01/2018 22:33

Well done OldSu! Is he seething?

Battleax · 02/01/2018 22:34

Original poster

Oldsu · 02/01/2018 22:35

he is not happy - TOUGH

OP posts:

AdoraBell · 02/01/2018 22:36

I wouldn’t be embarrassed, my DH would be if he reacted the way your’s did.

In fact he would be hoping for the ground to open up while I clearly explain why I was buying it.

PricklyBall · 02/01/2018 22:42

Love the revenge!

As for going back to Tescos - I gather the customary MN advice in these circs is to emigrate. May I suggest France? After all, you're younger than Mme Macron (it is of course possible that evenings in the Elysee Palace consist of holding hands on the sofa while drinking cups of ovaltine, but somehow I doubt it).

Original poster

Oldsu · 02/01/2018 22:45

Feeling a bit better I was telling my sister and HER DH waved a tube of Vagisil at her in Boots and said loudly do you need this for your Thrush or is it Piles what have you got again??? think we have the same taste in men - thick

OP posts:

Plexie · 02/01/2018 22:49

Well at least he didn't say "Why are you buying sanpro, did you mean to get incontinence pads?".

QuitMoaning · 02/01/2018 22:53

My OH once told the cashier that I got turned on by corned beef and he had to be careful when buying it that I didn’t see it or I wouldn’t leave him alone.

I was standing there mortified and tried to say it wasn’t true but it just sounded like I was denying it tooo much and the cashier didn’t know whether to believe it or not.

In fact I loathe it and even the smell makes me gag.

StaplesCorner · 02/01/2018 22:59

How is that funny? Does he have an age related illness perhaps where he just blurts out anything? I wouldn't think it was an hilarious story to post on MN, I'd think he has no respect for you (or come to think of it, for himself).

starfishmummy · 02/01/2018 23:02

And there was I feeling mortified when DS whi is 19 and has SN announced loudly to the whole of sainsburys, that he had "done a fart'.

BackforGood · 02/01/2018 23:06

Did make me laugh

PrincessoftheSea · 02/01/2018 23:06

What StaplesCorner said

BattleCuntGalactica · 02/01/2018 23:15

I'd have ruined him for that.

Best way to punish a man (Yes i have done this as retribution for someone being a cheeky little shitbag - 💯 truth).

Make him go to the personal items aisle and grab all the bottles of lube and condoms he can. Fill the basket.

Add the biggest cucumber he can find. Make sure he does this on a Saturday afternoon.

Send him to the ten items or fewer till. Obviously he will have more than ten items, but here's the kicker, every time someone turns up behind him, he has to let them go first because they will have less items than he does and it would only be polite. He will be in the queue for a long time. People will notice what he's carrying.

Depending on how much you want him to squirm, make him do this for at least a few hours, asking for him to send selfies every half an hour to prove he is still there. Pictures showing his despair are encouraged.

Extra points if he whines about needing a wee at any point. If he does, just laugh and tell him it's tough shit.

When I did made someone do this, it was fucking delicious.

Motoko · 02/01/2018 23:31

Next time he's standing behind you in a queue, suddenly yelp, turn round to him and say loudly "How dare you pinch my bum!". Then slap his cheek.

My mum and her sister used to prank my dad. The pinched bum trick was played on my dad when he was standing behind her on the escalators in a department store. I'm not sure if he had actually pinched mum's bum, but when he got to the top of the escalator, he legged it away from mum.

Another time, mum and aunt chased dad along the prom in Brighton, shouting out that he'd knicked mum's bag.

Birdsgottafly · 02/01/2018 23:50

Every time I ask my eldest DD (32) to pick up batteries, she phones me and loudly tells me that the batteries that I've asked for are no good in vibrators and am I sure that i want them. Then goes on to say that they must be the wrong ones because of the amount that I need to buy.

She particularly likes doing this and other stuff in shops were they know who I am.

OP, i feel your pain.

GreenTulips · 02/01/2018 23:52

I once visited a very high end boutique on holiday and farted quite a silent eye watering fart I turned to DH and said 'Darling you clearly aren't well, perhaps we should take you home?' He looked confused until the smell hit him, and a shop assistant appeared with air freshener ..... i laughed so hard!'

Works both ways ladies

Xihha · 03/01/2018 00:12

Sorry, had I been the person behind I would have wet myself at that. If it makes it any better I would have assumed he was deliberately winding you up.

spangles1963 · 04/01/2018 19:16

Thought this was HM The Queen posting until I saw that you were only 62.

Chattymummyhere · 04/01/2018 19:39

This is something we would do in my family. Just grab some pile cream or men’s inco pads next time and loudly announce his need for them. Point out where the pharmacy is for his latest itchy issue etc

Karen85 · 05/01/2018 00:38

Jesus some people need to lighten up

Pinga · 05/01/2018 06:30

If he is like this a lot..... sounds a lot to me as if he might have Aspergers. In which case whilst what he did is really not on its also not something he will be aware he shouldnt do.

Battleax · 05/01/2018 06:50

Here we go 🙄

Winosaurus · 05/01/2018 08:10

I’d buy some oysters and other aphrodisiac food next time and then shout out at the till “Maybe these will help your limp old dick get up tonight, I’m sick of having to find batteries from all over the house. The remote controls are all dead”

KimmySchmidt1 · 05/01/2018 09:02

Why are you not talking to him? I'd be talking very loud and fast to him, explaining what a twat he was.

But I generally find men learn best when you do the same back to him. You should have responded loudly about his erectile dysfunction - then he would get why it was inappropriate.

BoofayTheOompaLoompaSlayer · 05/01/2018 10:17

Missing the point of the thread but a huge thumbs up to you for donating to the food bank, especially thinking of san pro when donating.
You've inspired me to go do a food bank shop today!

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