to not allow my 15 yr old ds to go on hols with his 15 yr old gf???

[Gallymum1]

My sons girlfriend of 8 months has just told me her parents want him to go on holiday with them. I’m not happy about this. I think it’s too young. They have a more relaxed approach to parenting than us (for example, they allow her to wander around late at night in the dark)! Aibu???

We just come back from a break with our 15 yr old daughter and her 17 yr old boyf.

I think it depends on what you're happy with, whether you'd allow it in separate rooms, and generally if you trust them.

From my experience, I think that it's an ok thing with parents present.

Just say no. You are the parent.

What is it that worries you particularly? Is it that you think it’s a sign of getting too serious too young, sex or something else?

Does their laid back attitude allow them to have under age sex? Because if it happens on holiday when your ds is under age then all hell could break loose without you there to support him.
My dd went with bf +family at 16.

Have similar here

I think the parents have a cheek asking them when they are A) still a child and b) expect you to stump up the funds - surely they should approach you first?

Dates, times, contacts, medical issues, meals, flights, all needs discussing before invites issued surely?

I have a dd that age. It would be a no from me. Too much, too young, too serious. At that age I think holidays should be about family time, not “couple” time.

If you disagree then refuse. You are his parents.

Yes I think you are being unreasonable, treating him with a lack of respect and trust. It would be better if you were go contact his girlfriends parents and discuss sleeping situations - you can say you're happy for him to go if you sleep in separate rooms. Saying no altogether is an overreaction and I'm sure he will be really hurt and disappointed and embarrassed. In a matter of months he will be legally classed as an adult. Saying no will only damage your relationship with him, make him feel like shit, and make him more inclined to lie to you or hide things from you in future - you can't stop a teenager doing anything, like sex or going out at night, for example. If they want to do it,they will. You can only choose between having an open and respectful relationship with your teenager, where he will talk to you about things,or you can be overly strict and he will lie to you and do things behind your back. Personally I think the former is much safer and more pleasant for everyone.

This situation came up for us a few years ago when DD's boyfriend's family invited her to go away with them. I said I didn't think it was a good idea to plan something far in advance because of how fickle teenagers can be with their boy/girlfriends. Against my better judgement, I agreed, and lo and behold they broke up a month's before the holiday landing me with a big bill and an angry family complaining about how DD had ruined their holiday. I haven't made the same mistake again!

In those circumstances no I wouldn't. Not the fact that it's two 15 year olds on holiday but the fact that his parents let them wander around.

Rachie, said with no upset meant but does that not concern you. Your 15 years old underage daughter being with an almost adult 17 year old.
I mean it's one thing two 15 year olds sleeping together and let's live in the real world they very probably are, but a 15 and a 17 year old.

Awwlookatmybabyspider

Rachie, said with no upset meant but does that not concern you. Your 15 years old underage daughter being with an almost adult 17 year old.
I mean it's one thing two 15 year olds sleeping together and let's live in the real world they very probably are, but a 15 and a 17 year old.

No :) I can understand why it might sound awful. My daughter will be 16 next month, the boyf turned 17 last month, so only a year or so between them.

My daughter is the youngest of my 6. I think perhaps she 'knew' more than the older ones from a lot younger. She's an Aunt 4 times over, so is very aware of how things work. I found out she was having sex (with an earlier controlling boy) when she was just 14. I was mortified, but more because he pushed her into doing things she wasn't ready for. I was angry at myself for not seeing it earlier. This 2nd boy is a gent, he treats her well, he treats her family well and his family are very considerate and we check things out with each other before asking or giving permission.

However, I'm practical and the emphasis in our house has always been on safe sex rather than no sex.

Of course Rachie. That's the right attitude.
Let's be honest you're never going to stop them. I've always said better under my roof than in a park.

I think my main concern is I don’t know her family well but they seem very relaxed with her. I don’t think I’d be comfortable trusting them withy son. I’m not overly keen on the girlfriend tbh. Not my choice I know and I’d never say anything but she’s quite rude and has challenged me directly on a couple of my parenting decisions already which I find far too forward! Yes I’m worried about sleeping arrangements too. There’s lots of practical stuff to think about also with the financial side etc. The parents haven’t contacted me yet or mentioned it but the gf mentioned it like it was already a done deal.

When is the holiday? They might well not still be together by then - they're pretty young.

Pengggwn, I told him I didn’t want him going over there so much after school. They are both 14 currently but will be 25 by time of hols. When they go to her house they have nowhere to be alone as she shares a room so they wander around the streets. It’s about a half hour drive from my house so I then have to pick him up as her parents never give him(or her) a lift anywhere. Anyway, after I told him I don’t want him going over there after school, she text me challenging this and telling me she needs to see him after school?!

25 15 sorry!

As they seem very 'relaxed' in their parenting, you have to assume they will allow alcohol, bars, nightclubs and sex. Is that OK with you?

I would say no. She seems a little madam to put it politely. No doubt she gets away with murder.

Your son will expect the same after the week of free reign.

Wtf she text you. What did you reply

I wouldn't allow it if it were me, I think it's too young personally

Ashamedandblamed yes she did! I was taken a back butvsent avery measured calm response. Her family love my son and see him as a good influence on her which is lovely. Unfortunately we don’t feel the same about her! But, like I say she is not my choice but his and I will respect that to a point (Shes at our house everyday and I cook for her and ferry her to and from her house as her parents don’t bother, never get anybthanks as her manners aren’t great) but I feel this holiday is too much.

Well I would stop that immediately no wonder she thinks she's a princess and can challenge you!

No more lifts or dinners maybe she can come round once during week and weekends. You don't need another child stop ferrying her about.