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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want a lounge rug from MIL for my 2yo bday?!

42 replies

LegoMa · 02/01/2018 07:14

So she has form for telling me what needs replacing in our home and offering (sometimes telling me) to replace things. She looks after DS in our home 1 day a week so she’s here a lot.

And yesterday she was texting me about DS’s upcoming birthday and asked “so considering DS got lots of toys for Xmas shall I get you a new rug for living room as you badly need one. He won’t know, we’ll get him something small”. The rug is less than 2 years old (I am not sure of the shelf life of a rug?!)

AIBU to think this is really rude and also very bizarre?! I’ve said “no thanks get something for DS” and now I feel she’s actually offended I’ve turned down her offer!

OP posts:
DeadGood · 02/01/2018 07:18

YANBU. How weird. It’s the “you badly need one” that’s particularly unnecessary!

Is there anything wrong with the rug at all though? Just curious. Not to her taste? Is she doing that thing where she thinks she can state something confidently and you will just accept it as fact?

statetrooperstacey · 02/01/2018 07:18

I wouldn't be offended at being offered this. So pleas don't be offended when I ask you if it's possible you have gone 'nose blind'?Smile
Because e shelf life of a rug is easily 2 years. I have just replaced mine because it really really smelled horrible! And you know, you have a toddler?!Wink
It's a nice offer, pick an expensive one.

Pengggwn · 02/01/2018 07:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Believeitornot · 02/01/2018 07:20

I suspect her logic is that maybe she thinks you can’t affkrd to replace things, and your ds is 2 so he won’t notice a small gift. Why waste money on a toy, so give something for your home.

I can see the logic myself.

However let your dh deal with this.

TheQueenOfWands · 02/01/2018 07:20

Just say no thanks, you like your rug.

statetrooperstacey · 02/01/2018 07:32

Meant to add my dad gave me money to buy my grandson a Xmas present (7 months). He got a tumble drier.

nooka · 02/01/2018 07:57

Quite aside from the fact that a rug for a living room is not a present for a child so a bit of a shit gift unless your child (or a pet perhaps) has thrown up or peed on the rug and cleaning didn't work for some reason why would it need replacing? My parents have carpets inherited from their grandparents, two years is nothing!

nooka · 02/01/2018 07:58

Plus Christmas was just a week ago, if your MIL wanted to give a household gift surely that would have been the time?

AChickenCalledKorma · 02/01/2018 07:59

Two years?! Or living room rug is 20 years old. We still like it and it definitely does not smell.

ILookedintheWater · 02/01/2018 08:03

statetrooperstacey I'm struggling to get my head around throwing out a rug because it smelt if there was nothing else wrong with it. Do you clean your carpets ? I have rugs which are decades old: I roll them up and take them to a specialist cleaner if spot cleaning doesn't work, and they don't smell.

KathArtic · 02/01/2018 08:04

Maybe she sits on the rug and plays with your child on her day at your house.

Perhaps it's got puke and spilt juice on it, or she has changed nappies on it?? Maybe it is time for a new rug.

HarrietSmith · 02/01/2018 08:17

I have never replaced a rug......

There are vacuum cleaners in this world. And carpet shampoo. Also you can take them outside and beat/shake them.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 02/01/2018 08:35

If it's an expensive wool rug then YANBU but perhaps it needs to be cleaned? Does it smell but you're used to it?

If it was 50 quid from Next then it might look shabby. Has it gone flat?

If you don't care, it's your choice! Nothing to do with her...though she's possibly finding it smelly.

Original poster
LegoMa · 02/01/2018 08:39

There’s nothing particularly wrong with the rug no, it’s maybe not as shaggy as it was when we first bought it. But it’s hoovered regularly and it’s clean and it doesn’t smell.

We’re in the process of selling our house atm and moving so we would’ve probably replaced it when we move anyway.

If she’d have just said to me that she’d like to buy us a new rug because we badly need one I’d have been a little bit offended (probably due to the many, many other judgements I felt she has made prior to this one) but I would’ve seen that she ‘means well’ and accepted the offer.

But it’s the combination of that plus the fact that she’s using the excuse of my 2yo’s birthday to buy it for us! She and FIL are helping us out financially with our move, which I am obviously massively and eternally grateful for, but we are not so hard up that we need household items in lieu of birthday gifts for our toddler! If getting a new rug was a massive priority of ours right now we would’ve bought one. Each to their own, but I would feel terrible taking a gift that should be for him, or spending money meant for him on things for myself/our home.

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 02/01/2018 08:39

looks worriedly at 15 year old rug in living room

silkpyjamasallday · 02/01/2018 08:45

I have rugs that are nonagenarians, rugs have a lot more shelf life than two years! Thank your MIL for her kind offer but politely decline, if you like your rug it stays. I'm sure she can deal with one day a week walking on a rug she doesn't like in someone else's home! Just give the rug you have a good clean, take outside and beat it, then cover it with that vanish that you hoover up (probably not if it's wool though I only do this with a synthetic Ikea rug for fear of damaging my nice ones). Maybe she could get your DC a play mat type thing with roads on it as a gift as a compromise, it can cover the one she doesn't like while she is there and you don't have to keep it out all the time.

We have a relative that's always mithering at us to replace our sofas and armchairs because they are 'too low' apparently. Not her house so not her call to make, just like your MIL. It's very annoying though so I feel your pain OP.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 02/01/2018 08:45

Just say no OP, say "Thanks for the kind offer but I can't have a rug for DS birthday...he only needs a token anyway"

And leave it at that.

GreyMorning · 02/01/2018 08:53

We are on our 3rd sitting room rug in 2 years, the first two were cream, we have dogs and toddlers 😂

Graceadlerdesigns · 02/01/2018 09:02

You are not alone Op, my dm does this.

Is your MIL a brand snob? We got new cheap argos flatpack furniture in April for the living room. Our rationale was that with (soon to be) two kids we would prefer cheap furniture that we dont mind getting scuffed, scratched, worn etc and we can get something a bit nicer when they are older. Dm frequently comment about how it was a shame we didnt get anything "naice" Then dsis decided to redecorated and DM was adamant i should ask my dsis for her old furniture to replace our own. When i said the stuff we had was fine, she was incredulous "but dsis' is from next! And the mirror is M&S"

You've got to laugh otherwise i would scream! Wink

Ellendegeneres · 02/01/2018 09:03

Gosh, the thought of a rug being thrown out after two years makes me shudder, the waste.
My last one was at least 5yrs old- I have my own carpet cleaner so it regularly got cleaned, no smell. I stored it safely because it no longer matched decor- and the new one can take an absolute battering without needing such regular cleans.

speakout · 02/01/2018 09:04

My mother is like this.

She bought a load of throws for my christmas with a " cutsie" animal print on them and put them all over my sofas.
She brings things like stick on frog window decals and sticks them on my window, because we " all need some fun " and "life is too short".

Ellendegeneres · 02/01/2018 09:04

Oops. Posted too soon. I’d politely say no thanks as you have- if when you move it’s something you’d like, you’ll get one suited to your new space

Clawdy · 02/01/2018 09:11

Kids do get too many toys and I would have loved someone buying me a new rug instead!

ravenmum · 02/01/2018 09:11

I've now bought a rug that can go in the washing machine in the hope that it will last more than a year or two. It is the only place the dog wees in the house ...

Even if your rug was stinking the place out, it would be really grating for your MIL to make this comment ("badly need it"). It suggests that you should have replaced it earlier, but are too skint/stingy/incapable to have done so. If that is what she thinks, then she should be a bit more diplomatic about it.

OvertheSargassoSea · 02/01/2018 09:14

What carpet cleaner does everyone use. I have a bissel carpet washer.

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