DH using childrens savings to prop up inherited house in Greece

[Sunnydays92]

2 years ago my FIL passed away leaving a complex financial mess of a will. He owned a property in Greece that was not legally built. FIL paid a caretaker 20k in cash per year to look after the house he is still employed on the same terms. The house is officially owned by a charitable trust set up by FIL and FIL had the “economic benefit” of the property. Executors of FIL will are very expensive London law firm and it is costing a fortune to untangle FIL affairs and run house in Greece. FIL left everything in his will to his 3 children so DH has a third share of estate i.e the “economic benefit” of the house in Greece. So far the solicitor’s costs and running costs of house in Greece have exceeded liquidity in estate. Solicitors are now taking a back seat and allowing the beneficiaries of the will to run the house in Greece. DH brothers family are financially more secure than us and SIL runs a successful business and has no kids. We unfortunately do not have the financial clout of DH siblings. So far we have had to use 5.5k of money saved for our DC, 2 of whom are due to go to uni this year, to pay bills on FIL estate. I am fuming I do not want us to get into debt and this is money we cannot afford to lose, However BIL has currently spent 33k propping up the estate and paying bills and DH finds it” humiliating and embarrassing” that he cannot match his brother. I want DH to talk to his siblings and say this cannot carry on and in particular that we cannot afford the caretaker, DH refuses. I’m furious-it’s his dads estate and initially I didn't get involved but it is now using up our childrens money I feel I should be listened to. Hopefully if we are able to sell the house we can regain our costs but at present we are legally unable to sell it, the housing market in Greece is not great and it is also difficult to get money out of Greece so I am concerned we will get further into debt. With our annual leave with can only use the house for 2 weeks of the year during school holidays and it costs a small fortune to travel over there as we are a family of 6 and there are no direct flights so we pay for flights, ferry crossing and car hire to reach the house. AIBU to ask DH to tell his siblings that we cannot fund the house and where possible we should stop all expenses, incl. caretaker ? Particularly as we get so little use out of it? If DH will not explain to his brother and sister that we cannot afford is it unreasonable for me to go behind DH back and explain it to them? This is causing friction in our relationship but I know it will cause even more if I speak to BIL and SIL behind his back. I feel DH is risking our finances because he does not want to admit to his brother he is unable to afford what his brother can. He has agreed with his brother not to bother his sister with finances-which makes me angrier still as she has no DC to support!

This is a crazy situation, your DH needs to stop wasting family money on what sounds like a huge problem.

Surely decent lawyers would have advised this is a very expensive risk?

Actually OP maybe the cutout of the sister is his modus operandi?
Maybe that explains why you're struggling to discuss with him - does he see financials as something women shouldn't be troubled with/get involved with?

If so he's being recklessly stubborn.

@BarbarianMum for a start I would remove his access from children's savings accounts and move any savings from joint to individual savings accounts. It's perfectly legal and achievable.

OP is being financially abused if her husband is making unilateral financial decisions that affect her and her children. This is not a time to be coy. She needs to protect herself.

You need legal advice. But your DH needs to be on board. You simply cannot afford this. I would be horrified if my DH started dipping into my dc's savings for his own gain.

Let us know how it goes OP - good luck!

for a start I would remove his access from children's savings accounts and move any savings from joint to individual savings accounts. It's perfectly legal and achievable

This.

I also agree that you’re husband is putting his own pride ( looking food in front of his brothers ) before his children education.

Our children savings are now an account in trust in MY name only.. DH has no access to them because about ten years ago he raided them to pay a VAT bill. He did Pay it back but that’s not the point.

My friend lent £6k she had saved for her children to her brother because he said that he was behind on the mortgage and about to lose his house. Three years later its not paid back even though he’s had several holidays since then. Now he says he can’t afford to pay it back because he and his GF are saving up to get married .

This is crazy. Why does he need a caretaker and one who is paid a very high wage? Why can't the property be finished and sold?

Taking from the children's savings is truly awful, what kind of a parent does that? However it's not uncommon and often supported on MN.

He needs to realise the extent of the issue and act like an adult. Or find a second job to pay for the costs if it means that much to him.

One of my colleagues sold his holiday home in Greece about three months ago. Got a good price and money out just fine. He also wasn't paying someone 20 grand a year to look after it.

I've no clue what is going on other than utter madness. No wonder the solicitors have taken a back seat.

A lot of Greek properties were built without full legal permissions and with the current economic problems in Greece, these places would be a nightmare, if not impossible to sell.

The 'caretaker' may well be one of the legal loopholes the family have to jump through, in order to keep the house from being seized or demolished.

Your DH would be well rid if he renounced his inheritance OP.

I've had a (tiny) property in Greece for about 28 years. As you say, you won't be able to sell it - everyone is putting their spare properties up for sale nowadays (most Greeks own several properties through inheritance, some in ruins, and house tax has to be paid on every single one) - nothing is selling. Also, of course, it being illegal will make it very difficult to sell at least without paying fees(bribes) when trying to do so. Can't see why you need a caretaker - if you have decent locks/bars/alarms. I don't know anyone who does have one and many properties in my village and surrounding ones are now empty most of the year. It won't be seized or demolished as someone has previously suggested. The banks were being encouraged by the government to seize properties of people who could not pay their house tax (most Greeks, I suspect) but they don't want them either! In any event, I would advise you relinquish all claim to the house - it will continue to drain money for years to come.

Iso your dh usually good financially? Struggling to see how he's not viewing this as the money pit it is tbh.
The 20 grand is odd also. Any idea who and why that's paid?

I've got no advice but wish you luck with whatever you choose.

I don't see what's gained by throwing so much money into this house unless it has strong sentimental value to the family and they want to keep it for the dc's. What is the plan for the house?

I would want to know who is the caretaker? Is it a member of the family using this as a salary or an actual caretaker?

He needs to decide to get out of this situation, with legal support and documentation so that 20 years from now he can't be sued by nieces and nephews for not contributing. I think renouncing all claims sounds like the best option, if that can be done with legal support as above. What a hideous mess. Sometimes I agree with those who think all inheritance should be abolished.

I think there's several questions you need to ask.
What is the long term plan? Sell it, holiday home, live in it, one buys the others out, rent to tourists?

What is it worth today? Not what was paid for it or what it would be worth if it was done up/had correct consent/ the market was good etc. Just sale value today.

Why does he want to keep it?

Depending on the answers I would look to be bought out saying I don't have the time to go there.

Don't throw money at a money pit.

20k a year is an insane amount. People with full time jobs are working for €400 a month and are considered lucky. The caretaker is taking the piss.

Many houses in Greece have been built or extended illegally but there are amnesties, I.e. opportunities to make the building legal and then pay taxes on it - there was a very large such amnesty recently as part of attempts to increase state tax income. Did no one advise you to take advantage of this to regularize the situation? Property taxes are very high in Greece at the moment so check exactly what impact this would have.

Can the property not be rented out? It sounds like a holiday property and tourism is one of the few (the only one really) income generators in Greece at the moment.

This whole set up with the”caretaker “ sounds dodgy to say the very least, no wonder the Greek economy is screwed!

OP if the house is owned by a charitable trust will you ever have a proper share? Or is your husband going to great financial lengths just for the 'economic benefit?'

I would be querying the 20k salary for the caretaker- teachers don't even get that!

Wanderlust -
I would be querying the 20k salary for the caretaker- teachers don't even get that!

You are right. Why does it even need a caretaker ? I own a small house in another European country. The running costs, standing charge for electricity and so on are about £2,000 pa. My neighbour keeps an eye on it for me. It seems weird to need a caretaker. Is it a castle ?

Unfortunately the house isn't a castle- it's a 2 bed villa with no pool! But it's certainly a money pit. DH has just had an " extremely positive " conversation with his brother and agreed to keep caretaker on at same terms until April- so that's a weight of my mind!!!! The caretaker works part time and is hugely overpaid( he earns considerably more than me) but DH and BIL are totally dependent on him and continually procrastinate about tackling the situation.
We have managed to legalise the house and are currently trying to get it connected to mains electricity- which the caretaker is organising for us - very slowly. Hopefully this will make it easier to sell , which is our preferred option, but I'm not sure how long this will take and there are monetary controls in Greece making it difficult to take money out of country. Without mains electricity and with no pool it's not, at present, viable as a holiday let.
The money from children's savings will be really hard to replace and I am seriously thinking of moving it to individual accounts for them, most of the money was giving to them so it really is theirs and not ours.
Trying to talk to DH about it is impossible as he's gets angry and upset and storms off - which only makes me more frustrated as he is completely ignoring my worries.

Paying £20k to a caretaker to look after a two bed villa with no swimming pool? What is he doing for that sort of money? Your dh and his brother seem to be following the 'a fool and his money are easily parted' trope.

Glad to hear it has now been legalised but even with mains electricity and a pool it is not going to sell for a vast amount of money is it? All the money put into it for legalisation, solicitors fees, caretaker wages, connection of electricity, add to that the costs of selling it and I can't believe you will as much as break even on it.

What are the monetary controls in Greece? Is that because of the current situation in Greece regarding the EU bailing it out?

I would put your children's savings out of reach, it is unfair that they are being penalised to prop up this money pit. I would also tie down any other funds you may have so they are available only by both of you signing and agreeing.

Your husband sounds like he just can't see sense on this, what outcome is he trying to achieve? Does he believe he will receive money out of the property and if so what amount is he expecting? Can he really not see the amount of money this has already swallowed and how it will continue to do so?

I've just re-read your opening post, I a right that this property has already used up all the cash/available money of FIL's estate plus another £38.5k (from BIL and your dh)?

Wouldn't you be better off just renouncing the property? Will it make back any of the money you'll spend on it in the meantime before it potentially sells?

This is insane. Have you posted about this before? (Does it have an olive grove?)
Move the money that belongs to the dcs asap. You can’t trust him not to use more. Take the temptation away.