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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to use a childminder for DS1 when new baby arrives?

62 replies

Lilonetwo · 01/01/2018 22:00

I have a 13 month old who will be 16 months when my next DC is born in April. I have just gone back to work part time.

I am worried about how I will cope with such a young toddler and a newborn at home alone when he/she is born.

I've never looked at childminders as I'm fortunate enough to have a family member take care of my DS1 when I work, but they won't be able to help out when new baby is born.

Another thread this evening has made me think about possibly using a child minder for DS1 for the early days. Is this even possible? For perhaps 1 day a week for 6 months? Or 2 half days a week until DS2 is out of the really tough early days of cluster breastfeeding, colic e.t.c.

Or does a child minder need a longterm contract and longer days. Perhaps it depends on childminders.

Would that be very mean of me on DS1? I am worrying about keeping on top of everything at home alone. (DH isn't able to help much at home at all.)

Sorry if I sound a bit silly. Just want to bounce some ideas and unsure if I should raise the issue with DH...

OP posts:

VileyRose · 02/01/2018 09:46

My DD4 never went to any childcare. She started school no issues. She is a confident secure member of the class. I am proud of this.

I had a 14mth age gap between 1 and 2 and I think that maybe him being with you is better for now. The baby will mostly sleep or be carried so enjoy the special time. You will cope.

34weeksAndCounting · 02/01/2018 10:06

I had a 20 month age gap and when my son was 2.5 I decided to put him into preschool 2 mornings a week, for socialising etc, he was fine for the first few weeks but then seemed to click that mummy was leaving with baby brother, who by this point was 9 months old. It would have actually been easier to do this when he was much younger and didn't have that understanding, then it would have been part of his routine and he'd never have questioned it, much easier when they are younger. The only thing I'd suggest is doing it before baby is here so he doesn't directly link it with new baby, although 16 months is still so young I don't know that they would? I'm not sure any nursery would let you do just 1 day because of the gap in between, so maybe 2 mornings would be good!

On the other hand, I actually found when my 2nd was born he slept so much that my toddler got all the attention anyway. It helped to get out and about and do activities where the toddler was occupied. The jealousy and fighting for attention came much later when little one was between 6 months and a year, it's finally easing now they are 3.5 and 2 and I'm expecting another. My just turned 2 year old is extremely jealous if I even touch another baby....wish me luck!!!!

Tanith · 02/01/2018 10:07

Op, you are right that, if you do decide to use a childminder or nursery, you need to start as soon as possible so your older child isn’t coping with new baby plus new childcare.

I think that’s all that Strawberry means: starting new childcare at the same time as the new baby arrives would be very upsetting for your older child.

user1493413286 · 02/01/2018 10:13

I would go for it but settle your eldest into childminder before Baby arrives so that he isn’t having to adjust to both things at the same time.
When I have a second DC I plan for my DD to go to nursery at least one or two days a week, in part so that I can give the new baby the individual focused attention that my eldest DD had and as far as I’m concerned it’s good for a child’s development.

Belleende · 02/01/2018 10:16

Agree with lots of the other posters. If you can afford it do it, but try and start a month or two before your new arrival.

I have just had number 2, my elder DD was already going to CM for 2 days, we ended up going to 3 days in December, just to help us find our feet. It has been a god send, and I have a partner who works from home.

thisgirlrides · 02/01/2018 10:19

It sounds like Mother’s help might be more suitable for you however, if you do go down the childminder route I would get something sorted ASAP so DS doesn't feel like it's linked to new baby and also agree with pp that one day a week isn't ideal so go with 2 half days if you can find someone with a space to fit that.

SometimesMaybe · 02/01/2018 10:24

I would do it, but like others say get DC1 started ASAP so it’s not happening when new baby arrives. Two mornings with a childminder will make a huge difference when the baby comes. You will be a better parent for the older child when s/he returns to you in the afternoon as you will both be looking forward to seeing one another.
Best of luck

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 02/01/2018 10:31

I've only got one child so not talking from experience but I think if I was going to do what you suggest OP, I would try to get into the routine for a few weeks before the baby arrives. That way DC1 wouldn't associate the change with the arrival of the baby

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 02/01/2018 10:32

Sorry I look like I just copied Sometimesmaybe's response I hadn't read to the end of the thread

MissDuke · 02/01/2018 10:40

I wouldn't do it. Different if they were already attending and settled, it makes sense to keep their routine and their place for when maternity leave ends. But to do this short term, no I personally couldn't. Does the toddler not nap every day?

Obviously do whatever suits you, not what suits me! But you did ask for opinions.

Notso · 02/01/2018 11:01

I wouldn't do it. DC3 and 4 are 16 months apart. I found the hardest time was when they were 1 and 2 rather than the early days with two babies. However as a SAHP childcare has never been on the radar.
If you do decide to go down the childcare route as an ex nursery nurse I'd say two short days are better for settling in than one long day.

wibblywobblyfish · 02/01/2018 11:22

My DD went to the childminder when I was on maternity leave with DS2. DD enjoyed going, plus if she wasn't going I still had to pay as I needed to keep her space as I was returning to work and I needed her onside as DS2 was going to her too! There were a few days that she didn't go (still paid full rate to the CM though)

The only thing I found a drag was getting all the kids up and out the house for 8.15am, especially after a rough night with a newborn

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