To end it for this list of reasons

[constantchange]

Dating for six months, both late twenties.

Initially I wasn't sure about him but friends and family really liked him so encouraged me to give it a go. I never got the butterfly feelings with him really. I'd say the time has gone Not sure > REALLY like him and want a future together > feel like I should end it. Basically one extreme to the other.

Lots of shitty things have happened over the months.

1. I've realised he has a very bad temper. Will smash things up, scream and chuck things etc. Has never lost it AT me per se but has shouted at me before. He's easy to set off.

2. His dad and I really don't get on. He's been rude and judgemental about me from day one. I really have tried so hard to get on with him but he has a real hold on all of BF's family to the point they're all scared to stand up to him (physically and emotionally abusive). If dad says something rude to me, BF will not say anything.

3. I don't have that 'This feels lovely and comforting' feeling when we hug or cuddle. I've never particularly enjoyed cuddling him - something doesn't feel right, even though up until a month or so ago we always had great sex. I've previously really loved cuddling and hugging my exes, and had that 'This is home' feeling with them.

4. He's insecure and needy. Very intense about everything - he's an all or nothing type of guy. E.G. If I feel suffocated and say I need space, he'll say he understands, and in the next breath ask when we can next see each other. If we're watching TV, I'll catch him staring at me and ask him to stop as it's awkward/makes me uncomfortable, and he'll say 'But you're just so beautiful, I could look at you all day" etc. etc. etc.

Despite all this he does his best to make me happy, is very generous with his time and money towards me, and is very loyal.

I feel like something isn't right but feel so guilty for finishing with him as he constantly says I'm his world, he doesn't know what he'd do without me.

Someone reassure me it's not going to magically get better and everything will fall into place like I'm hoping please!

You've hurt him? Just think about what he was doing to you. He was conditioning you to accept his behaviour. His quite frankly (and mumsnet unanimous!) dangerous behaviour

You sound lovely and caring. And that's why it's hard. But you did completely the right thing. I wouldn't have liked to have seen your posts five years down the line had you stayed with him. I see plenty of depressing threads from scared women.

Block. Move on. Accept you did nothing wrong. Take care

It’s a tough one. But on balance you probably done the right thing

Oh constant, I know exactly how you feel.

The first time I tried to leave my ex (who exhibited almost exactly the same traits and behaviours you describe), I left him screaming and sobbing on our kitchen floor. He made me all sorts of promises to ‘change’, and told me that he’d never love anyone as much as me.

I’d been expecting to feel relieved as soon as I walked out of the door, but instead I just felt awful. I couldn’t get that image of him out of my mind, and I couldn’t bear the feeling that I’d left another person in that state.

So I went back to him.

He did indeed make all the ‘changes’ he’d promised... and they lasted about three weeks. Then he was just back to normal again, and it got worse and worse from then on. I so wish that I had stuck to my guns that first time! I would have saved myself about five years of misery.

I don’t mean to overly project, and obviously every relationship is different BUT it really does sound hauntingly familiar. Whatever you do, just remember that you are not responsible for another person’s happiness, especially not someone who makes you miserable yourself.

Best of luck

Well done op, you've absolutely done the right thing. Imagine having kids with someone like him. You would be on tenterhooks constantly worried about setting off his temper. He has clearly learnt from his dad who sounds awful. The best thing is to block him on all media and surround yourself with friends and family as a buffer. You sound like a really lovely person but you don't owe him anything. His misery is of his own making and he is in this position because of his scary anger issues. Please don't get back with him, you deserve so much better.

This was his doing. If he was calm and kind and defended you, you might have felt differently. You are not responsible for anyone’s happiness but your own.

Frieda Thank you for taking the time to write your story. I'm confident that I've done what will make me happier long term. I feel strangely calm about things today. I had a long cry last night and couldn't sleep, but I feel like the hardest part is over with at least. The toughest part of a break up is rehashing the good times and then the guilt of ending it.

Testing I think you are right. He was such a different person at the beginning and I really thought he was a genuinely kind person which is why I was drawn to him and decided to give the relationship a chance. I think too many things happened in such quick succession that made me question his personality that I ended up losing the respect that I had for him. He often played the victim and was overly melodramatic about things which was a turn off.

None of this is to say he was always horrible - he genuinely did try very hard and did do his best at all times I think.

I feel like something isn't right
That's because it isn't. Even just reading the first reason I was WTF, END IT! Combined with all his other wonderful features I really don't know why you'd even question whether you should end it or not and I'm so glad you have.

I highly doubt he would ever hurt me
Don't be so naive OP.

I would leave the instant he hurt an animal. End of.
So would I, no question.

it's just an awful feeling knowing you've hurt someone.
Fucking hell! Apart from directing his rage at you (allbeit indirectly), he took out his temper on his animals FFS. If I was with someone who did that I couldn't give a shit if I'd hurt them. In fact I'd want to hurt them pretty badly actually. What did he do to them exactly?