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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset he missed our first New Years?

48 replies

T2517 · 01/01/2018 09:53

Ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year and for New Years we’ve gone to be with his family, who I sort of know but not really. Last night about 10.45 they all went off on a walk but I’ve had a bad cold so didn’t want to go. I figured they’d be back about 11.30 but basically they didn’t get back until half twelve. I rang in the new year with two people I didn’t know who weren’t even in the room with me and had no idea where he was.

I was super upset but I don’t think he really understands why? He didn’t reply to any of my texts and he didn’t really appologise either. It’s really bothering me that we’ve missed our first new year together and I feel like him and his family just forgot about me. AIBU?

OP posts:

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/01/2018 09:55

Where did they go??

hidinginthenightgarden · 01/01/2018 09:55

The fact that it was new year wouldn't bother me but him going for a walk until half 12 would.

Allthetuppences · 01/01/2018 09:57

A long walk then. Or was it the pub?

wanderlust99 · 01/01/2018 09:57

Super upset? What exactly were you hoping for when 12.01 struck?

YellowMakesMeSmile · 01/01/2018 09:57

Yes, you sound about 12. Not sure why you text as obviously he was safe with family. You sound like hard work.

Original poster

T2517 · 01/01/2018 09:59

We’re in the countryside so it was actually a walk, think they drove somewhere. I didn’t really “want” anything but I just think it’s nice to bring in the new year with your partner? The whole point of coming here was to be together, so I kind of hoped he’d be with me..

OP posts:

annielouisa · 01/01/2018 09:59

If they all went out is that walk a family tradition? Were they out at midnight maybe looking at fireworks ours went on for quiet a bit after midnight.

Costacoffeeplease · 01/01/2018 10:00

Well you could have gone with them

annielouisa · 01/01/2018 10:00

Our family also texts any messages before midnight as otherwise they do not get through as the world and his wife are drunken texting at midnight!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/01/2018 10:01

The only way to have been sure to be with him was to have gone with them. Seems odd to have gone on such a long walk so late at night.

DoubleAces · 01/01/2018 10:01

It's a New Year! Nothing special. Get over it.

MsVestibule · 01/01/2018 10:02

I'd be pissed off, too. Sure, I know it's just a 'time' but what's the point in making the effort to celebrate the forthcoming new year and then not spending the actual changeover with the person you've supposedly chosen to spend it with?

Original poster

T2517 · 01/01/2018 10:02

If I’d have known that’s what they were doing I would have gone with them and wrapped up warm, he kind of just left without letting me know the plan. I know I’m acting silly to be upset about this and I’ve kind of kept it to myself rather than telling anyone but it’s just bothered me a little. I didn’t mention it to his family or anything like that, I just got on with things. I’m not hard work generally (I don’t think so!) and we’ve never even had an argument or a cross word.

OP posts:

Lweji · 01/01/2018 10:03

It depends.
Where did he say they went and why couldn't he be back before midnight. Why didn't he call you at least to wish you a good new year if they got distracted?

How is he otherwise? Is he thoughtful and considerate in general or is this part of a behaviour pattern?

LoniceraJaponica · 01/01/2018 10:03

You are all being a little mean. I'm sorry your new year did't go as expected OP. The long walk in the dark seems a bit odd. Are you sure they didn't go to the pub?

user1493413286 · 01/01/2018 10:04

I don’t really get going for a walk at that time and I’d be irritated but don’t let it spoil everything and next year ask him to be clearer if he goes anywhere near midnight

imaddictedtomn · 01/01/2018 10:07

I totally agree with you OP. That was definitely weird. I think you need to ask him what was going on. Did they intend to stay away for midnight? Or did they just walk and walk and not get back in time?

Either way, in your situation I’d have been pissed off.

Original poster

T2517 · 01/01/2018 10:07

They honestly went on a walk, no pubs around and most of them were driving. He’s a really thoughtful and loving person most of the time I think he just dropped the ball on this one. I’ve been in an abusive relationship in the past and I think sometimes I can take things too personally. I’m also in my early twenties (not an excuse but someone did accuse me of sounding like I was twelve so I just wanted to point out I might not be as sensible as I might be one day...!)

OP posts:

Fresta · 01/01/2018 10:12

I am a bit confused about the two people you didn't know that were in another room.

Sounds like you need to communicate with him more. Have you asked him what he was doing? Didn't you say 'where are going and what time will you be back', when he left'?

Beakyplinders · 01/01/2018 10:13

YANBU. I think it was thoughtless to invite you to spend new years with their family but then go out and leave you home alone (apart from two other people you don't know, in another room) when midnight came. If they knew they wouldn't be back for midnight they should have been clear on that before they go otherwise it's a bit of a miserable new years for you when it's obviously something you usually enjoy.

Original poster

T2517 · 01/01/2018 10:16

I sort of know them but not really and they were busy doing other stuff (and I offered to help but was shooed away haha). I know what he was doing and he said “we’ll be back in a bit” which I took to mean before midnight. I’ve remembered we had a chat just before I fell asleep (I was half asleep so I forgot) and he apologised and said he didn’t know the time and the admitted he did know the time but just didn’t think to call or text happy new year...it’s not perfect but I’ll take it. He’s a great person and I’m really really happy to be with him. Also it’s PMS time so probably doesn’t help my emotions!!!!

OP posts:

WonderTweek · 01/01/2018 10:19

Aww that sucks. I know people say it's "only" New Year's Eve but I still like to ring it in with my husband. We haven't done anything special for the last couple of years but I love watching the fireworks and having a little kiss at midnight. I'm 32 by the way. Maybe he just didn't realise it was going to take that long? Perhaps you could do something nice together today, like one of those "first kiss/hug/shag/etc of 2018" things. (I'm currently making a big deal out of having "the first coffee of 2018". Lol.)

Bumplovin · 01/01/2018 10:25

It sucks a bit if you missed midnight together but I do t really think it's justified to be mad at him as you were invited to go and you chose to stay behind

Mrsmadevans · 01/01/2018 10:26

OP your BF sounds lovely . Hope you feel much better now. Put this behind you .

swingofthings · 01/01/2018 10:28

The whole thing makes no sense! For a start, a bit of a strange decision to just go for a walk at 10:45 in the dark out of the blue. Odd that the walk lasted almost two hours. Odd that they would have missed midnight all together, or they celebrated between themselves, but he didn't think to call you, wish you a Happy New Year and say sorry that they lost track of time and are in the middle of nowhere.

Totally making no sense that others would have answered HIS phone and then said that they hardly knew him????? Somewhere along the line, there's a definite lie, so YNBU at all wondering what happened and wanting a bit more of an explanation.

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