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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to look after me when we're both ill?

49 replies

Bellamuerte · 31/12/2017 19:40

DH and I both have flu. I'm also eight months pregnant, which means I'm coping with pregnancy symptoms on top of flu symptoms. The flu has hit me harder because of being pregnant - DH is ill but he isn't having sleepless nights and coughing up blood like I am.

AIBU to expect him to look after me and fetch food and drinks? He thinks IABU because he is also ill.

OP posts:
Longdistance · 31/12/2017 19:44

Gosh, no. He has man flu, he’s dying. Call the priest to read him his last rites...

Yes, he should be looking after you, he’s a knob if not.

AnaisB · 31/12/2017 19:46

It’s not illness top trumps and neither of you can know how bad the other feels.

RebelRogue · 31/12/2017 19:46

Depends how ill he is. If he's out of bed, functioning and getting drinks for himself then yes he should look after you.

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2017 19:47

Have you seen a doctor about coughing up blood?

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 31/12/2017 19:48

I've had flu while pregnant, it was horrific. YANBU!

Have you been checked out? I thought I'd be ok, but after 3 weeks of it I dragged myself to the GP and found I had a chest infection on top of it.

DiscoDiva70 · 31/12/2017 19:49

If you're coughing up blood it could be due to straining but you still should seek medical advice.

FittonTower · 31/12/2017 19:49

Have you mentioned the coughing up blood to some sort of medical professional? That's sounds a bit Victorian and that's rarely good.
But of you're both ill then you're both ill. I think you might have to manage without him if he's not up to fetching and carrying.

MrsJayy · 31/12/2017 19:51

I would be seeing a Dr about coughing up blood never mind snack fetching? This isn't a competition you are both ill of course if he has man flu like a pp suggested then surely you have woman flu?

scottishdiem · 31/12/2017 19:52

Mmmm. I would definiately get that blood thing looked at and hope you get well soon. However, if this what you are both like before the child is born, there is going to be some epic competitive tiredness comments coming down the track.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 31/12/2017 19:52

Flu is much worse when you're pregnant. At least he can take decent painkillers and other meds, you're pretty much stuck with paracetamol and fluids.

Steeley113 · 31/12/2017 19:53

In a similar situation here lol. I’m 7 months pregnant with a hefty cold, OH reckons he feels unwell but doesn’t seem to be coughing and sniffling like I am Hmm I ended up dragging myself up with the kids while he had the lie in!

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 31/12/2017 19:53

.

lougle · 31/12/2017 19:56

If you have proper flu, rather than a cold, and it sounds like you do, and you are pregnant, then you should be seeing a doctor. Pregnant women are more at risk from complications from flu, which is why they are offered a flu vaccine (which can only vaccinate against some strains of flu).

It can be very dangerous, and it is the common misconception of a 'cough and a snivel' as 'flu' that prevents real flu from being recognised as the killer that it sadly is.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 31/12/2017 19:56

If he is looking after himself - so up to fetching himself snacks and drinks but not you, then of course he is being unreasonable.

But if he has flu as well and is too ill to be fetching things, then - why should he be looking after you any more than you are looking after him? Flu is flu, whether you’re pregnant or not.

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2017 19:59

I agree TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

The OP hasn't said whether he's up and about etc, so that makes the first post on this thread just plain nasty imo.

Original poster
Bellamuerte · 31/12/2017 20:13

Pregnancy symptoms alone were killing me before I even got the flu. DH is loaded up on all the flu medication I'm unable to take because of being pregnant. I've been in bed all day trying not to vomit while he's been downstairs scoffing sweets from Christmas and playing computer games.

I phoned the midwife who said I don't need to be seen unless there are signs that the baby is in distress. DH apparently has no understanding of how serious flu can be during pregnancy and insists I can't possibly feel any worse than he does.

OP posts:
Knittedfrog · 31/12/2017 20:15

If he's eating sweets and playing computer games - he doesn't have flu.
He's a selfish idiot.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 31/12/2017 20:19

I'd make an appointment with the GP. Mine gave me a strict telling off as I'd waited so long to go.

Flu is not flu, pregnant or not. Your immune system isn't as good during pregnancy, it hits you harder, takes longer to recover from, and you can't take any proper meds. I'm not saying your DP isn't ill, flu is horrible, but if he's well enough to play computer games he's well enough to look after you a bit.

IsaSchmisa · 31/12/2017 20:21

If he's up and eating sweets while you're bedridden and trying not to vomit, yes he should be looking after you.

RebelRogue · 31/12/2017 20:22

Nah..he's a dick then

BroomHandledMouser · 31/12/2017 20:22

Sounds like you're both competing on whose more poorly in my opinion

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2017 20:22

It's good that you're hungry and thirsty now.

If he's up and about then he's a selfish git, not to at least make you a sandwich and a drink.

Cantuccit · 31/12/2017 20:32

Gosh, what is he normally like?

You are bringing his child into the world and he can't even bring his sick wife a drink.

spangles1963 · 01/01/2018 18:11

Scoffing sweets and playing computer games? Doesn't sound like the flu to me. When I've had real,full blown flu,I could barely stagger out of bed to the toilet without feeling like I was going to collapse. As for eating anything,forget it. I didn't eat a thing for the first 3 days I was Ill.

PeppersTheCat · 01/01/2018 18:18

LTB