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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect DH to look after me when we're both ill?

49 replies

Bellamuerte · 31/12/2017 19:40

DH and I both have flu. I'm also eight months pregnant, which means I'm coping with pregnancy symptoms on top of flu symptoms. The flu has hit me harder because of being pregnant - DH is ill but he isn't having sleepless nights and coughing up blood like I am.

AIBU to expect him to look after me and fetch food and drinks? He thinks IABU because he is also ill.

OP posts:

TwitterQueen1 · 01/01/2018 18:31

I think you're framing this quite aggressively OP. You're expecting DH to look after you, you're expecting him to fetch and carry, you're so much worse than he is....

A little bit of sympathy and understanding on your part wouldn't go amiss here. He's feeling crap too - and normally he would be expecting someone to look after him but all he's getting is resentment and anger.

Maybe a change of tone and voice might work? "DH on your next trip to the kitchen could you make me a hot water pls?" "Isn't it awful us both being ill?" "Baby is taking all my strength... I would love a cup of tea when you're making one.."

shelentei · 01/01/2018 18:37

Having flu is horrible when you're pregnant. You can't take any of the good stuff to help ease it. I'd see a doctor about the blood though. If your partner is up and about better than you are then yes he should help you. Men are ridiculous when they're ill.

19lottie82 · 01/01/2018 18:44

If your husband actually has flu then he wouldn’t be able to look after you. But if he’s eating sweets and / or playing computer games then he does NOT have the flu! So YANBU.

butterfly56 · 01/01/2018 18:48

YANBU!
He hasn't got the Flu OP, he's got a cold!
There's no way he would be able to sit down stairs, stuffing his face and playing Computer Games if he had the Flu!
He's being a selfish git!

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/01/2018 18:50

Yes, while she is coughing up blood, not sleeping, holding down vomit and unable to leave her bed, while pregnant and unable to take meds, she should TOTALLY be a fragrant and understanding Stepford wife.

Or he could stop necking sweets, log out of Call of Duty for two fucking minutes and get his wife a drink.

Mia184 · 01/01/2018 18:54

I agree with butterfly56 - if your DH is able to play computer games and eat anything, he certainly does not have the real flu.

Allfednonedead · 01/01/2018 18:54

Echoing all the calls to get thee to a GP. Flu is horrible while pregnant, but complications from it can trigger labour (as I found out at 34 weeks in a twin pregnancy).
I also think YANBU about your DH, but that is seriously not as important.

BMW6 · 01/01/2018 18:57

As pp have said if he is out of bed eating and playing computer games he just has a cold, not flu. He needs to man up and stop being a selfish prick frankly.

KioskKeithForPresident · 01/01/2018 19:02

I don't believe that a midwife would say "you don't need to be seen" if you are coughing up blood - maybe not by a midwife but sure as hell by a doctor.

Straycatblue · 01/01/2018 19:13

Regardless of what your midwife has said she is not a doctor and I find it odd that she would not advise medical assessment when an 8month pregnant woman with flu is coughing up blood.

Please phone a doctor, even if you weren't coughing up blood I would advise you to see a doctor because of the risks of flu in pregnancy , please dont just take my word for it, please read the attached link, if you scroll down it advises that if you are pregnant and have flu, you should see a doctor and if you are coughing up blood to seek immediate medical attention.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/flu/

expatinscotland · 01/01/2018 19:18

He either never had flu but a bad cold or he's over it. If you're coughing up blood and vomiting you need to see a doctor. I got a stomach bug from DD1 when I was 6 months pregnant with DD2 and started coughing up blood and they admitted me to hospital. I had flu last year and couldn't get near a shower for days, much less a computer.

TwitterQueen1 · 01/01/2018 19:23

MrsTerry Yes, OP could instead yell "Get me a fucking drink you total wanker! You're faking and I'm not." but I generally find a degree of courtesy and consideration is more effective. No fragrance or Stepford wifery required.

IsaSchmisa · 01/01/2018 20:55

To get basic looking after from someone less ill than you when you're 8 months pregnant with their child, you only need to engage in the sort of behaviour you describe if your partner is a dick.

Cantuccit · 01/01/2018 22:04

OP could instead yell "Get me a fucking drink you total wanker! You're faking and I'm not.

Yes, because what OP has been yelling

A simple 'please could you get me a drink' should be enough, not your ingratiating "Isn't it awful us both being ill?"

Meowstro · 01/01/2018 22:07

Usually I'd say no but you're pregnant, I had a cold when pregnant and ended up in hospital for nearly a week.

43percentburnt · 01/01/2018 22:14

You need to call out of hours regarding the coughing up blood. I was coughing up blood whilst suffering from hyperemisis, I was told by the maternity ward to go straight to a and e - I was admitted onto a maternity ward immediately, put on the first drip pretty quickly and had further drips. I was kept in overnight. The blood was probably from the vomiting causing damage to my throat, they were not sure.

ginswinger · 01/01/2018 22:36

I would be booking yourself into a hotel and ordering room service until your due date. You must conserve your energy before the birth

Butterymuffin · 01/01/2018 22:40

Definitely get more medical advice. The midwife sounds very dismissive of something potentially serious.

BuggersMuddle · 02/01/2018 00:32

YANBU

On thing I hate about these MN threads is 'if it was real flu'.

I had real flu (albeit vaccinated), and drove 200 miles bc dh was feeling awful and refusing to accept I had proper flu and that he was also coming down with such. I've had a bunch of grim illnesses - it's amazing what you can do when you must, but might I suggest that's not a starting point for what one should do.

BewareOfDragons · 02/01/2018 00:36

If this is how he treats you when you're pregnant with your child, I'm sorry, but your life is really going to suck when the baby comes along. You will be all hands on deck, he will be 'tired', he will be 'unwell', he will have already 'helped'.

Next time you're both unwell and someone still needs to look after the baby? It will be you

Next time you're exhausted and haven't had more than a few hours sleep in days, he will take the lie ins.

You've picked a selfish man child to father your baby. Good luck with that.

What a dick.

hibbledibble · 02/01/2018 07:42

Call maternity triage, and go into hospital. Both flu (if it genuinely is flu) and coughing up blood are very serious in oregnancy.

From your op I wonder if it is flu, as you inply your husband is in fact very well.

Yabu to expect your dh to look after you, if he genuinely does have flu

Hellohellohowareyou · 02/01/2018 08:06

As another poster said the coughing up blood could be damage to your throat, I tore my oesophagous (or however it’s spelt) during my last HG pregnancy which led to me throwing up blood. I’d try and get checked over by a GP if possible

lynmilne65 · 02/01/2018 08:16

Manflue tops death !!

BattleCuntGalactica · 02/01/2018 08:16

If he's scoffing sweets and playing computer games, he doesn't have flu. It knocks you on your arse hard.

Selfish arse. You're not being unreasonable, he's being a 🔔🔚

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