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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About DH's weekend lie ins?

42 replies

Mortigua · 31/12/2017 10:39

Every weekend it's the same unless he's working-I'm beginning to think this is preferable.
He lies in snoring loudly till I harass him to get up then is grumpy with me for nagging. We have two kids. It's not that I want to lie in myself generally ( although the offer would be nice) and today for example we are having a relaxed day anyway but AIBU to think that now having heard him snore for what, 10 hours or more, I've had enough and would like him to be up and participating in life? It feels so lazy and no one can need this much sleep! Not every weekend anyway!
AIBU?

OP posts:

strawberrypenguin · 31/12/2017 10:41

Nope. For a start lay ins should be shared fairly between you and 10am is a reasonable time to expect him up from a lay in.

Original poster

Mortigua · 31/12/2017 10:44

Thanks. His snoring has had me awake a lot lately which is making me really irritable but I really feel like I have had enough of the same palava every weekend and when I've tried just not bothering to harass him (or stooping at asking once or twice ) he will sleep till.midday.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mortigua · 31/12/2017 10:44

Stopping not stooping!

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NotYetMadeYourMindUp · 31/12/2017 10:47

What time does he have to get up on a work day?

Original poster

Mortigua · 31/12/2017 10:48

6.15 ish so it is early but he tends to stay up later than he should too

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shouldwestayorshouldwego · 31/12/2017 10:50

Does he have sleep apnea? Snoring and sleeping longer would be signs, feeling tired suring the day despite sleeping long hours. He needs to see the GP.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 31/12/2017 10:50

During not suring.

Heratnumber7 · 31/12/2017 10:51

How old are the kids?
Do you work?
How far does DH travel to work?
Is it a stressful of manual labour job? (Ie tiring)
What time does he get home?

All depends....

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 31/12/2017 10:52

When do you harass him to get up?

I used to be up for 6am in the week; then sleep around 11pm/midnight; and lie in on the weekend until I naturally woke up. I'd have been annoyed at someone waking me up unless we had plans, but I'd have set an alarm for that anyway. And I didn't have kids, to be fair.

Is he getting help with his snoring?

Original poster

Mortigua · 31/12/2017 10:52

Yes I have asked him to get checked for that. He seems always lethargic which fits. He is a bit too lethargic to get round to making an appointment though!

OP posts:

Original poster

Mortigua · 31/12/2017 10:54

No help with snoring. I tend to start asking him to wake up/bring him a coffee around 9.30am. Kids have generally been up at least 2 hours by then. I feel if it was agreed in advance and not assumed it would annoy me less but he is still snoring now when I have asked maybe 5 or 6 times

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SusanneLinder · 31/12/2017 10:57

DH lies in. He is in a lot of pain mostly, so I let him get on with it. Personally I love getting up earlier than him so I can come to in peace.
Our young kid days are over though, and he always got up with them when they were little.

ItsYuleyme · 31/12/2017 11:02

Just pretend he's at work, get on with your day and leave him snoring away.
Unless you've something you need to do together. Or, if it's because you don't get a lie in, sort out a morning for you to lie in next weekend.

cindersrella · 31/12/2017 11:02

You sound like me! I would like e a lie in... in fact sometime I would just love to be on a dessert island in the complete quiet with no sounds at all. Obviously only for around a day and not forever

beingGoodNow · 31/12/2017 11:03

If you're having a lazy and not waning a lie in then I think you should leave him. He should offer for you to have a lie in sometimes too though.

SilverBirchTree · 31/12/2017 11:06

YANU. Unless your kids are old enough to not need supervision. If you have little kids, he’s being really unfair because he’s creating work for you and missing out on family time.

If your kids are teenagers then he’s just being lazy. If they are little he’s being lazy and selfish.

And- Where the f&$@ is your lie in?

LannieDuck · 31/12/2017 11:09

How old are your kids? Do you look after them during the week or are they in school?

What happens on the days that you have a lie-in?

Straycatblue · 31/12/2017 11:13

Does he have sleep apnea? Snoring and sleeping longer would be signs, feeling tired suring the day despite sleeping long hours. He needs to see the GP.

Second this ^
Definitely needs to see gp.
Sleep apnoea is not just an annoyance, it can cause high blood pressure and put him at greater risk of strokes and heart attacks not to mention higher risk of car crash.

It's not that I want to lie in myself generally ( although the offer would be nice) and today for example we are having a relaxed day anyway but AIBU to think that now having heard him snore for what, 10 hours or more, I've had enough and would like him to be up and participating in life? It feels so lazy and no one can need this much sleep!

Whilst taking turns about with kids is the fair way to do weekend lie ins, your post seems to say that you arent bothered by that aspect, you just think hes lazy and should get up even if you dont have plans for the day??

Thats just a bit controlling and not very nice tbh. If someone did to me what your doing to your husband trying to get him to get up just so that he can participate in life rather than for specific reasons, I would not be happy. It sounds like you have very different ideas of what constitutes a good weekend and need to come to a compromise.
How does he feel about it when you speak to him?

Original poster

Mortigua · 31/12/2017 11:13

Kids are young enough to need supervision but are mostly at school in the week. Currently on mat leave (usually work part time) but don't want that to influence the thread as I feel the same about it pregnant or not.
I genuinely don't mind him catching up a bit but it's the fact it is endless. Still asleep now!

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Original poster

Mortigua · 31/12/2017 11:15

He seems to rely on me to get him up so got example yesterday his parents were coming at 11 so when I told him at 10 to get up he did. That and the fact he gets up to his alarm in the week makes me feel he doesn't care at all.

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LakieLady · 31/12/2017 11:15

I agree that if the kids are little you should both have the chance of a lie-in at the weekend. Could you each have a lie in on one morning over the weekend?

But I also think that people just have different body clocks. I'm a lark, it's no hardship for me to be up by 7 every day, but DP is one of nature's owls. He rarely sleeps before 1 am and is still sleeping contentedly now! (Actually, he's sleeping so contentedly I've checked to twice to see if he's still breathing. I swear he hasn't actually changed position since I got up.)

He's happy to get up early when there's stuff to do, but I see no reason for him to get up before he needs to, and he sees no reason for me to stay up after 10.30 pm.

I'm not convinced it's lazy to sleep in if that's how your natural sleep cycle works.

liminality · 31/12/2017 11:16

I would give him one free pass a weekend - on the condition the other is yours. On your lie in day, each can have as long as they need. And on the other day they get up and do the kiddos and the morning stuff.
I know when I have been working and looking after family and go go going i am sometimes so exhausted I need a full on proper day off - or three. (Three doesn't happen ever though!)
If he can't breathe properly then he is probably not getting enough deep sleep either.

Original poster

Mortigua · 31/12/2017 11:17

I agree perhaps a compromise should be had but it limits time as a family so I feel it's unfair in the kids as well as me straycat blue. Sometimes we haven't got specific plans but still need to get the kids out , entertain them etc even if having a restful day.

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YouCantCallMeBetty · 31/12/2017 11:18

Could you have a conversation with him about your respective expectations of weekend mornings? Then try to come to some fair solution.
Some people do just need more sleep than others and are not fun to be around if they get too little. Good to have things investigated though in case some underlying cause.
Even if you don't sleep late then you should get some time to yourself some mornings to read a book/have a bath/whatever you like while he looks after the kids in return for you letting him have some undisturbed lie ins.

Original poster

Mortigua · 31/12/2017 11:20

Will talk to him today about a compromise. He gets very defensive about it and says he works all week etc but without going into outing detail , my life is quite hard too day to day so I would like him to be around when he's home. He does seem to need more downtime than most but if he sleeps till midday it's hard then for him to get it after that as things still need doing.

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