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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About DH's weekend lie ins?

42 replies

Mortigua · 31/12/2017 10:39

Every weekend it's the same unless he's working-I'm beginning to think this is preferable.
He lies in snoring loudly till I harass him to get up then is grumpy with me for nagging. We have two kids. It's not that I want to lie in myself generally ( although the offer would be nice) and today for example we are having a relaxed day anyway but AIBU to think that now having heard him snore for what, 10 hours or more, I've had enough and would like him to be up and participating in life? It feels so lazy and no one can need this much sleep! Not every weekend anyway!
AIBU?

OP posts:

RhiannonOHara · 31/12/2017 11:22

I think you need to take turns; you get one weekend lie-in while he does the kids, he gets the other.

And if you keep telling him to get up, of course he'll rely on you to do so. So stop it! If his parents are coming, leave him to his own devices; if he's not up in time, that's his problem (I'd be tempted to leave the house early in this scenario so there's no one else to answer the door etc).

Original poster

Mortigua · 31/12/2017 11:24

I will try and stop. He will get up and crash about with a headache if he sleeps till midday and generally it seems bad for his mood so I have tended to try and get him up but will try not to!
Couldn't go out as his parents would want to see me and the kids but I have tried saying I won't be waking him again etc

OP posts:

neveradullmoment99 · 31/12/2017 11:27

Its not fair. You are 'working' too with small kids. He needs to see that. You should take turns even if you stay in bed and have coffee and toast delivered to you by your dh. You need to talk to him. Why should you be the one to get up and do everything all the time?!

Falconhoof1 · 31/12/2017 11:27

My DH has always done this. It's part of the reason I resent him so much but he doesn't get it. I spent all the young child years getting up at weekends while he slept on until midday or beyond. It's ok now as the kids are older but it was hard work when young. He just wouldn't give me a lie in. He would occasionally get up and put a DVD on for the kids then come back to bed. Really fucked me off as I then felt I had to get up as I hated leaving them alone and I literally never had the bed to myself which I love. I don't have an answer as I didn't manage to change the situation myself.

Cantuccit · 31/12/2017 11:29

I think you need to start having a lie in even if you don't want it.

So he needs to get used to be woken by the kids on a Sat or Sun and go down with them and see to their needs.

RhiannonOHara · 31/12/2017 11:30

Couldn't go out as his parents would want to see me and the kids but I have tried saying I won't be waking him again etc

Yes, you could go out if that's the only way he's going to get the point.

Original poster

Mortigua · 31/12/2017 11:34

Falcon that's exactly it I get up because on the odd time when he's been better and said he will get up, I still have to wake him up when the kids wake and then can hear him snoring on the sofa while they watch tv. This is fine sometimes but if they start arguing etc I always end up getting up as I can't bear it.
I just feel like I'm the one in charge of all of them including him at times.

OP posts:

RhiannonOHara · 31/12/2017 11:40

I just feel like I'm the one in charge of all of them including him at times.

Well, you need to sort it out. I'm not unsympathetic, but if you keep doing what you've always done and don't try to discuss it with him, things will just carry on as they always have.

Jaxhog · 31/12/2017 11:40

Record the snoring, then play it back to him when he's watching TV, eating etc. At full volume.

If he stays in bed past 10am, then park the kids with him in the bedroom and go and have a relaxing bath.

Original poster

Mortigua · 31/12/2017 11:46

Thanks both ( and all the other replies too). He's got dd sitting on him now and is on yj3 sofa . Funny I did record the snoring this morning so he can play it to the Dr!

OP posts:

Original poster

Mortigua · 31/12/2017 11:47

I will have a chat with him today. Genuinely wasn't sure as I know we do have differing expectations of weekends but it does feel like his is more compatible with being single and child free at times!

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 31/12/2017 11:48

My DH and I had s small row about this the other day. It’s the expectation that the other parent will be the responsible one that sucks. Plus, like your DH, if mine sleeps too long he’ll get a headache.

mummmy2017 · 31/12/2017 11:52

You enabling him to do this.
Saturday mornings set his alarm. Make sure you place it out of arms reach, so he has to get up, the min he does go shopping, and tell him he is in charge of the children.. and you will be back in 30 mins...
Tell him your off out at 12 if he won't come, he can stay home with your children, and you will have the day to yourself.

When he complains tell him, but you have been with the children all week.. 5 days he is only getting 1 day off it as he can have a lie in on sunday till 10....
Tell the oldest to make sure daddy is ready for 12, as if he is THE one taking them out, make him the person your child understands isn't doing his bit... Pester Power is a great weapon for any mum, if you employee it properly...

itshappening · 31/12/2017 11:54

Talking about expectations for the weekend, shared responsibility, what is fair etc is a good idea but I would make getting him checked for sleep apnea a non negotiable priority over that.

Falconhoof1 · 31/12/2017 12:35

Can I just ask you Mortigua, is this the only problem or are there others? My DH does very little in general with the kids or around the house. We recently had an argument about this and he has improved a little, but I still feel like I have to manage it/remind him. Mental load and all that!

clueless2010 · 31/12/2017 13:19

it's always nice to have a lie in at the weekend but if you have kids then you should share the lie ins and alternate! Otherwise imo he's just being lazy and taking advantage of you!

wildgoose1 · 31/12/2017 17:30

One clue is perhaps that he stays up later than is good for him?

It simply will not do any good and may be dangerous. At one time I had a job which meant being out of the house by 530am. Bed by 900pm practically every work night with DP

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