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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To try and defer DS entry to Reception?

82 replies

lookingforthecorkscrew · 31/12/2017 09:45

DS (3) was born on August 31st, he currently attends a nursery attached to a primary school where there have been issues about his listening and interaction (or lack of) with other children for his 15 hours. We’ve been actively involved and on board with all the referrals the school have suggested: EP, SALT, SEN Action (and more!). DS loves nursery and we’ve definitely all seen a marked improvement in his language and ability to follow instructions since September.

But we are moving 80 miles away in the spring and have to start making some decisions about where we go from here. My preference is to place him in a private nursery for 3-4 morning sessions a week. He loves nursery and its just been so good for him. We’d have to make a late application for primary school - which isn’t terrible in that area as many good schools are undersubscribed. I’d then contact the local schools to request deferral of Reception start to Sept ‘19.

I know this isn’t by any means guaranteed, but I think with his DOB and SEN evidence we will have a strong case for him remaining in nursery for a further year.

The worst case is that they all refuse and we either have to put him in Reception in September, or have him start in Year 1 the following year.

Certain family members have been quite opinionated about all this, with many suggesting that we are making the wrong decision for DS, potentially damaging his chances in life! (I know)

We will, of course, pursue the SEN referrals once we’re settled too, it’s possible he has ASD but as we haven’t had a firm diagnosis yet I am wary of labelling him thus.

AIBU to ‘hold him back’? Has anyone experienced similar?

OP posts:

ferociousindependentandsquishy · 31/12/2017 11:03

My son has sen and is a late summer born child. We didn't defer because he had friends in nursery and only option was to wait the year and start in year 1 the following September, so he'd have been a year out of his social group. He started reception a few days after his 4th birthday. At the time it was the right decision for him, but given your circumstances yanbu to consider deferral.
He has struggled quite a lot with school and wasn't ready, I often think if it would have been better to wait

Thehairthebod · 31/12/2017 11:06

Oh yes, I guess he is not totally guaranteed a place, if the year you apply he got in but the following year there were more children than the PAN above him in the admissions criteria. But if the schools are generally under subscribed this shouldn't be a problem.

myknickersknackersknockers · 31/12/2017 11:06

Defering school start for summer born children in now an option. Parents can make the decision.

I am a SENCO in a primary school with a nursery. This year I have recommended to a parent that a summer born child with Sen defer her school place. Parents didn’t know it was an option and agreed it was a good idea.

She had already applied for a school place so all they needed to do was write a letter saying they’ve changed their minds and want the child to start next year.

This child was very premature and has some physical difficulties and is generally delayed. She is now in the cohort below and is making excellent progress and will be ready for starting school next year.

It’s also given us more time to gather info for the EHCP.

I would totally recommend!

kaytee87 · 31/12/2017 11:07

Absolutely defer. It's crazy that some children are starting school so young.

violetbluesky · 31/12/2017 11:08

Move to Scotland and he won't go to school until 2019!

JustDanceAddict · 31/12/2017 11:08

Would he go straight into Year 1 or just be a school year behind. Def worth checking. I’m an August baby (was supposed to be Sept) and I def would’ve benefitted being in the school year below.

violetbluesky · 31/12/2017 11:10

Move to Scotland and he won't go to school until 2019!

WhooooAmI24601 · 31/12/2017 11:14

Friends of ours deferred their youngest son starting Reception a few years back and maintain it's been the absolute making of him. Knowing him a little, I'd agree completely; he's thriving in a way I'd imagine would have been impossible had he started school when he was due to.

I work in Reception and it sounds as though another 18 months in a warm, nurturing nursery would do him so much good.

PippilottaLongstocking · 31/12/2017 11:16

Haven't read the whole thread but my understanding is that you have to apply for a place at the same time you would if you wanted him to start when he 'should' and then request deferral. If you apply late then he might still get a place in yr 1 if they have one but not reception unless the school agree

MrsU88 · 31/12/2017 11:17

If he is used to the school environment I would say it would be detrimental to him to take him out of that setting now. ..especially if he is sen as he will need the consistency in care.

I would suggest speaking to the school about reduced hours. There are children at my children's school who have sen and have done just mornings in reception and built up as and when they are ready for it.
Also discuss with them about a teaching assistant for him...if he will be suitable for funding etc.

kaytee87 · 31/12/2017 11:18

Ops child is at a nursery attached to a school, not school.

HarrassedMumof3 · 31/12/2017 11:18

As you've said, you absolutely CAN defer and do not have to start your child at school until they are aged 5 (CSA - compulsory school age).
I've deferred my August born daughter for the simple reason that the research overwhelmingly shows that summer born children are socially, emotionally and academically disadvantaged, and that disadvantage remains throughout life.
Join the FB group and check out their pinned posts - look at Nick Gibb's recent announcements about the Government's intention to give parents choice.
Currently you can exercise your right to start your child aged 5 but you need agreement from the LEA to start them in Reception. Unfortunately this is still a postcode lottery but the authority have to prove it would be in the child's best interests to start in Year 1, which it clearly wouldn't be. Also the Government have issued guidance to LEAs making it clear of their intention to change the law.
You will find OP that many people will challenge your view on this and not know about your rights - it also makes some defensive about their own choices.
Happy to share my deferment form with you if you PM me. Good luck!

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 31/12/2017 11:20

As the parent of a child who was similarly delayed I would advise delaying. In hindsight I wish we had done this as my son wasn't ready for school even when he was 5! In fact I wish I had spent those first few years home schooling.

Nothing awful will happen if you defer, yes at some point he will go into school and be in an established class. Yes he might then have to find a way of fitting in but no more than a child who moves areas and schools.

user365241987 · 31/12/2017 11:21

We managed for our son and it has been very positive. I think you are your child's best advocate. PM if you want to discuss how we approached it.

IntoTheDeep · 31/12/2017 11:25

I think deferring entry can be beneficial for some children, especially if there’s possible SEN involved.

DS1 is being educated in the year below - he was a premature August baby who was diagnosed with high functioning autism partway through Reception. He was far readier for school, and far readier for the more formal learning, when he was just turned 5 than he had been when he was just turned 4.

user365241987 · 31/12/2017 11:31

This is also where Academy schools come in to the fore as they have greater flexibility than the previous system. You know your child best and I can honestly say that within our LEA, it was not a battle, but all working for the best interests of the child.

NancyJoan · 31/12/2017 11:41

If they'll let you, do it. Definitely. Fingers crossed.

OvO · 31/12/2017 11:52

Definitely do it. I've never met anyone who has regretted deferring.

Though I'm in Scotland where it's easier and possibly looked at differently too.

I deferred both my DS's and they had a school starting age of 5y 9m. One of my best parenting decisions. There's probably not that many great ones to choose from though.

Roomba · 31/12/2017 11:52

My son's best friend was born on the 31st August. I'm now good friends with his mother too. He had some development delays at that age too. She was very concerned that he wouldn't cope with Reception but decided to give it a try and withdraw him if it wasn't working well for him (given school is not compulsory until the term after you turn 5 this was feasible).

School agreed to allow him to attend mornings only for as long as he needed and he did this all the way through Reception year - not sure all schools would agree to this but it's worth looking into? He is now 12 and has always been bang on 'average' academically for most subjects - which would be above average if adjusted to reflect his age, I suppose. He always loved school and thrived socially, but did find it a bit more tiring than some of the older children at first.

OP, you know your own child. Many children would do just fine starting reception at only just 4 (my DS was only a couple of weeks past his 4th birthday and has thrived). Other would find it difficult and would benefit from a further year in nursery. I would speak to the school(s) and see what they are prepared to do to help your DS settle in if he does start at 4 - some schools are inflexible and would then start your DS in Y1 with the correct peer group if he began a year later, so it's worth considering this too.

TheHungryDonkey · 31/12/2017 11:56

I would defer. The option was only just being discussed as a possibility when mine went into reception. She’s a summer born and though bright and social - teacher’s words not mine - she is dyslexic, has significant processing issues and awful working memory. A few other things too.

Before this even came to light, I always felt she was academically in the year above where she should be. I feel if she’d had the chance to defer a year, she would be secure in her learning rather than needing as much support and being as behind as she is.

If you feel deferring is right for your child, it’s most likely the right thing to do.

CatsAndCairngorms · 31/12/2017 11:57

Of course YANBU.

I am in Scotland where deferral is very common (and they start at min 4.5 here rather than min just turned 4).

My DD is extremely bright, sociable and mature and I STILL plan to defer. Every teacher to whom I've spoken agrees (not about my DD specifically but about deferral in general).

So your situation is a complete no brainer to me (in the nicest possible way!)

seasidelife · 31/12/2017 11:59

My DD1 was born on the 31st of Aug and I had a lot of pressure to not defer her. She was bright, sociable and had no learning issues so I was told that I would be holding her back if she didn't start. She hasn't struggled with school as such but emotionally she has found it very hard, she was pulling out her hair, not using the toilet properly and a few other issues that the school have brushed off as "transitional". If I could go back in time I would defer without a doubt, that extra year with mummy would have made all the difference, she would have been bored and totally ready so we both would have been a lot more confident about her starting.

You know your child better than anyone, if your gut says no then say no, it's not like you're cancelling DC's gcse exams.

Candlelight234 · 31/12/2017 12:00

From what you've said about possible SEN, your DS being in nappies and your sense of him not being ready I think you are right to consider it.
However In your situation I would be concerned about the 'missing year' as it will be a big jump to go straight into Y1. If he went into reception a year later would he have to go from Y5 to Y 7 at high school? That would be far to big a jump IMO.

Roomba · 31/12/2017 12:01

I should point out here too that DS is in nappies, and shows no signs of readiness to toilet train atm

This was my youngest son - I only managed to get him reliably out of nappies after a long struggle literally a couple of weeks before school began! Even then he was still rather prone to accidents so I anticipated this continuing at school - I was amazed that he has never had a single accident in school since starting (in Y1 now). Plenty at home for a while, but none in school.

A lot can change between now and September with toilet training. Even in July I was despairing that DS would never be trained in time. The staff are very good at dealing with this issue and making sure they all use the loo often. DS was still in pullups at night until halfway through Reception. I wouldn't delay due to toilet training if that is the only thing concerning you, but it sounds as though there are also other issues which mean it may benefit your DS to delay starting.

LokiBear · 31/12/2017 12:03

Id be wary of too much SEN labelling if his issues revolve around speech. Some children take a little longer to master speech but it is not an indicator of intelligence. Defering his start is a good idea to allow him chance to catch up. He will only be three days older than the oldest pupil in his year - no one will notice.

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