To think this is not normal? How do I bring it up?

[user1488397844]

I looked through my OHs internet history last night as it's his birthday and I know hes been looking at some watches so wanted to order him one. However I was totally unprepared for what I found. He works away from home a lot of the time & I found various searches for escorts and massages in the area he's been working!?!? Obviously the massage could be totally innocent and I'm trying not to overreact but what the hell??? He had a works do last night and was worse for wear so I haven't had a chance to speak to him yet but what should I do? I have no evidence he's actually done anything but do you think the intention has been there? I'm just looking for advice on how to approach this. We have been together for 14 years and have a DC together, I have never had any concerns before! I dont want him to turn this around on me and say I shouldn't have checked his phone, as I say I've never done this before and had no concerns, hence why he clearly never bothered deleting his history!

Men ding often look at these pages without some inclination to do so. I'm so sorry OP but it's likely that he won't confess to anything more than he has too. You need to decide he's ok with that.

Curiosity about escorts in general doesn't mean you would search for escorts in the area you're in while away from home.

Some crazy mental gymnastics on this thread.

Seriously people, if it looks like a duck...

what is the point - what sort of relationship do you need to snoop on bank accounts and emails?
just ask him

The kind of relationship where one partner has totally broken the trust by visiting prostitutes behind the other's back.

The OP should not feel bad about snooping. If she doesn't, the conversation is likely to go like this:

OP: why were you searching for escorts?

OH: I was just curious. It was a turn on, I would never contact them.

OP is now in the position where she desperately wants to believe him but he is almost certainly lying. Her choice is to give him the benefit of the doubt and carry on in a relationship where the seeds of doubt grow and fester in her mind - until she finds out for sure possibly years later - or leave and wonder if she did the right thing.

If he's the kind of man who sneaks around seeing prostitutes then he's hardly honourable is he? He'll lie.

The OP needs more info so she can make choices based on facts not lies.

I would be really worried and angry myself if I have found that on DPs laptop, but admitted I have googled random things (not disimilar to your DP) just out of interest and curiosity before...

I think I'm going to bide my time and do more shopping, rightly or wrongly, I dont want to go in all guns blazing and then he denies any wrongdoing and I am left in a position where I have nowhere to go. I'm relieved that he at least does not have an account with Adult Work so hasn't actually used their services. I have taken our DC on a day out so wont speak to him until later.

More snooping* not shopping lol.

Go through his phone records for whilst away, note down any numbers you don't recognise and google them. You also need to check his banking if you can to look for large cash withdrawals. Can you also look further back in his internet history and see if there are other searches?

I think that's wise, although a horrible position to be in

Hope you and your DC manage to have a nice day out.

Don't forget to cover your own tracks - delete your internet history while you're still working up to talking to him so he doesn't see he's been rumbled l.

I'm pretty sure that anyone doing this kind of thing while married/ltr who had half a brain would sign up using an alternative email account. Are there any ways you can check this out?
Fwiw, even if he's only at the 'only looking' stage (which I doubt), I'm pretty sure it wouldn't just stay as that. Good idea to keep looking. Hopefully you'll find out conclusively either way, as you know he'll lie if you ask.

You’ve checked his emails but he might have a secret email address for stuff like this.