To wonder if there's a culture of not replying nowadays or if it's just me?

[kokosnuss]

I've had a couple of experiences recently which have made me wonder if it's becoming the norm just not to reply to messages or if it's just me.

The first time, a friend had asked if they could pop round as they were in the area, and I only saw the message a few hours later. I messaged back to say sorry, I'd been distracted that day as I'd found fraud on my bank account and had been busy sorting it out. No reply.

Then today, I messaged a group to let them know I couldn't make a planned gathering as I've got a migraine. No reply from anyone in the group.

I wouldn't care about a reply in every situation, but in these cases, were the tables turned, I feel I would definitely have said something like 'oh that's awful, did you get it sorted?' or 'that's a shame, hope you feel better soon'

And in case anybody asks if it's perhaps because I'm the kind of person who's always making excuses, I don't think I am, but I do know a few people who always pull out of things, and even if in my head I'm thinking 'here we go again', I always make a point of sending a polite reply. I just think it's... well... polite?

I think you are being VVU

if everybody replied to every message, where exactly would it end?

Say there were 4 people in the group you messaged about a migraine, and they all felt they had to reply, then you have got 4 messages you feel you have to reply to, and then they have to reply again, and so on and so on.

conversations by messages are picked up and put down and picked up again. They haven't NOT replied, they just haven't replied yet,

lets have a little bit of moderation and be adult about this please, phone messages are part of life, they do not CONTROL our lives.

You need to lower your expectations

Anyone else see the irony in the OP not coming back to this one ?

This doesn't offend me. In real life it would be rude to walk away mid-conversation. But lots of people don't have time to treat multiple messages as actual conversations and it isn't a very effective way to communicate beyond the basics IMO.

I would have replied but then again, you didn’t reply to the first friend for ages.

I only ignore emails when it's from management about something I don't want to do & know I can duck out of doing.

Blimey-what job do you have?!

thatcatpidgeon

I'm shit at replying to messages. No phone signal at home unless I remember to put my phone on a specific place on the windowsill, and if I do that I usually forget to pick it up when I go out.
Most of the groups I'm in are full of pointless chat/memes/photos so I ignore notifications until it's convenient.
I also do the hang of replying in my head if I get a message while I'm busy so would think a reply to your messages but forget to actually send one and by the time I remember I feel it's too late to reply.

Anyone else see the irony in the OP not coming back to this one

. Yes, and conversely the irony that we're all sat here demanding instantaneous and constant connectivity in real time by the OP because she hasn't got a life outside MN

I use the thumbs up in a group chat to acknowledge it. If there’s a question in the message I reply with my answer - even if it’s a ‘don’t know’.

My bugbear is people who say ‘I only bother with WhatsApp/FB/Instagram/whatever’ and refuse to engage with any others. This means that I have to remember who uses what or repeat same message on lots of platforms.

Sorry. Angry face went in wrong place!

Either the person's head is up their arse and they get distracted and forget to respond, they are rude and don't feel they need to or they are doing the adult equivalent of throwing their toys out the pram because they didn't like the response.

thatcatpigeon OP (me) went to bed with said migraine - thankfuliy now gone!

I think you’re right that communication fatigue has something to do with it - I certainly don’t reply to everything or insist others do, but I guess my rule of thumb is, if this would have merited a phone call in the pre-messaging era, it’s probably important enough to merit a reply. Before messages I would definitely have called a friend to let them know I couldn’t come, and on that phonecall I’d hope they would say ‘that’s a shame, feel better soon’ rather than just silently hang up, which is what no reply at all feels like!

It annoys me when people do this too. My SIL is notorious for only replying to a text if there's something in it for her...otherwise she just ignores messages!

Was only with wry amusement that I mentioned it OP (& bristly pp), love a bit of (genuine) irony! Glad you’re feeling better!

Seriously though - it proves a point, we’re all busy, often a bit overwhelmed & dealing with a lot - it’s not always easy to reply or comment when perhaps one should have, don’t take it personally! . I found the days of letters & landline phone calls a whole lot easier to navigate.