Help with mother-in-law

[user1476480023]

AIBU? I want nothing to do with her, but know I don't have that liberty!! My husband and I both have children of similar ages from previous marriages, and we do our best to treat them similarly and we do a good job, but my MIL continues to drive a wedge! And I can't turn a blind eye any longer!!

We're on holiday together, this morning at a water park, and my son is in a small accident where his toenail is ripped off, he is screaming in pain, the medic rushes offer and we all doing all we can to ease the situation and SHE sits 5m away watching, sipping on her gin and tonic, she does not get up to see if he's ok, just sits and watches!! I know she would never do that if it was her own grandchild!

Am I right, boxing gloves are off?? I don't want to hate her, my husband loves his mother but I am so hurt by her nonchalance!

I knew that she never got on with his first wife either, but was told by MIL how unfairly she treated her, now I think ex-wife detached as I am about to, just feel bad as my husband adores his mother!

'over' not 'offer'- damn autocorrect!!

Perhaps she thought your child being crowded by 3 adults was enough?

Did she speak to him after and ask how he's feeling?

TBH I absolutely HATE when a hurt child is already attended to and all and sundry grown-ups stand around him/her, crowding them, talking to them, fussing, etc

So if she was sympathetic afterwards, I'd be chuffed she gave DC some space when he was already attendet to by multiple grown ups.

In my experience multiple people rushing over, flapping, exacerbates the situation rather than helping. Children are less likely to calm down. I wouldn't have rushed over either - because it would hinder rather than help.

YABU.

What did she do when the situation calmed down?

Did she at least ask him afterwards? Try to look concerned?
Not wanting to crowd is one thing but not showing any empathy is another.

I wouldn't have rushed over either. He had his Mum, stepdad and a medic all attending to him. Anything more would've been overkill I think. Maybe she didn't want to interfere, take over or get in the way. And maybe she doesn't feel quite the same about your ds as she does the gc she's known since birth, that can't be so unusual surely.

To keep on drinking without even getting up to check what's happening , is really off putting so yanbu. Have no expectations generally like we all do with our MILs!

Maybe she was right to not rush over at the time, but even after every thing had calmed down and he was sitting on his own with me she did not come over to see how he was doing. When we were packed up ready to go she asked how he was, seemed out of duty to me.

Unless there is a massive backstory here it seems like you're looking for reasons to hate her. From what you've said she doesn't seem to have done anything too heinous so I guess it's all about context.

But it's not her grandchild, so why should she? I think you are looking for a fight to be honest. If she had ran over and created a fuss you would probably have hated that too.

What did you expect her to do?

I fully understand that she probably doesn't care for her step grandchildren as her own but she's old enough to understand all the reasons to feign.

She didn't do anything wrong. You sound over emotional.

YABU in the instance.

Child with a minor injury, already being attended to by a medic/ parents. What use would her flapping around have been?

I wouldn't have got up either, but I'd ask if he was OK after the initial 'drama' had passed.

I could be emotional, tired I guess. But I would have loved her to pretend she cared.

I don't even rush over to my adored dgd if my dd is dealing it.

Why do you need her to show that she cares about your children? Do they not have Grandparents your side?

What use would her flapping around have been?

Showing some basic concern means flapping around?
The oddest replies here... so now you're descent only if you don't give a fuck about your grandchild?

Thanks Bollooooooocks for understanding, for a moment there I thought I was expecting too much for wishing she had shown some concern for my son.

There’s a big difference between not wanting to over-crowd the child, and just not giving a shit.

Don't expect anything from her OP, she's probably one of those who don't like her son fathering someone else's kids...

I guess that's what I am trying to figure out, seemed like not giving a shit to me, but I could have read her wrong.

If there had been no other adult nearby, and your MIL did not rush over, then YWNBU. However I don't think there was any need for anyone else to come and help at that point. She might well have made a concerned face and said Oh dear, at the time, you would not have seen as you were obviously looking at your son.

I think if I were out with my nephews and this scenario occurred, I would have done what your MIL did. She asked how he was later, which is appropriate.

Not saying she isn't a PITA other times but on this occasion YABU.

Maybe I am being unreasonable here, might be on the back of other instances that I am disappointed I guess.