Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think you shouldn't tell someone that they have lost weight

60 replies

user1498912461 · 30/12/2017 09:16

I believe that you should never comment on a persons weight and I don't believe that telling someone they have lost weight is actually a compliment. It's kind of like saying they were fat before? 😂 Sil called at Christmas time and DH told her she had lost loads of weight (she's not on a diet). He then looked at me and asked - don't I think she's lost weight? I felt so awkward and just said she's always looked lovely! So aibu to think that you shouldn't comment on a persons weight? I compliment people on having nice hair, clothes, a nice smile, eyes or personality traits, never their weight.

OP posts:

TheStoic · 30/12/2017 09:49

I would always comment if I notice someone formerly overweight has lost weight

Please don’t.

Unless you know them very well and know for a fact they will appreciate it.

ShakeShakeTheMuffin · 30/12/2017 09:50

I lost 3 stone a couple of years ago. I did enjoy it when people told me how good I looked. At work one colleague in particular kept telling me how slim I was. I did 5:2 and low(ish) carb.

I started gaining weight again and the comments dried up pretty quickly!

Also, when I was slim, one of my DH's relatives actually used the phrase 'when you used to be fat'

Now I'm back at the weight before all this started... time to lose some again.

EnglishRose13 · 30/12/2017 09:52

I’m on a diet and have lost almost two and a half stone.

If no one commented I’d be thoroughly pissed off!

Sheeeesh · 30/12/2017 09:55

I hate people commenting on my weight.

meredintofpandiculation · 30/12/2017 09:56

Doesn't any compliment invite comparison with the previous state, if you're that way inclined? "Oh, your hair looks lovely (unlike yesterday when you looked as if you'd been dragged through a hedge backwards" "That was a kind thing to do (so unlike you)" "That's a really nice dress (so different from the outfits you usually wear)". I find it best to recognise the good intention behind the compliment and not dwell on the words.

GladysKnight · 30/12/2017 09:57

I'm totally with you OP, and smiled makes a very good point - my MiL comments if I lose weight (which usually happens after a prolonged spell of bad anxiety) so when I put the weight on again once I'm better I assume she is silently judging me - and not so silently judjing me behind my back - as she comments on other people's weight all the time.

So yes, I think its rude!

DullAndOld · 30/12/2017 09:59

honestly I think personal comments about body size are not really in the realm of normal conversation.

I bloody hate it when some acquaintance starts going on about how much weight I have lost, cos what they are really saying is 'what a fat bastard you were'.

I actually foned my brother prior to our last meeting and said i would only come if he didnt make any personal comments about my body size.

redexpat · 30/12/2017 10:00

I hate everyone having an opinion on my body. Its none of your business. If you want to say something nice just say you look nice. You could add has something changed?

LoniceraJaponica · 30/12/2017 10:00

“and I don't believe that telling someone they have lost weight is actually a compliment. It's kind of like saying they were fat before?”

Oh, for goodness sake. Some people just go looking for offence in everything other people say
My size 24 sister would be overjoyed if she lost weight and was complimented on it. Obviously it would be different if it had been due to illness.

hooochycoo · 30/12/2017 10:01

I lost about five stone a few years back. I absolutely hated people mentioning it, made me feel scrutinised and as if very private things ( my health, my relationship with food, my mental health) were public. Really upset me, made me feel as if people had just always thought I was really fat before but had been too embarrassed to say. I need to lose weight again now and the fear of people's attentions and comments is one of the things stopping me.

LouLouLove · 30/12/2017 10:03

I would LOVE people to say I looked like I have lost weight, part of me always feels the 'oh they thought i was fat before' feelings but the fact they have noticed my efforts to lose weight make me feel brilliant. I lost almost 2 stone recently and when I saw people I hand't seen for a while and they didn't comment I felt really sad as it made me think they couldn't notice. I have noticed though that people feel a bit tentative saying it, probably because they do feel like they shouldn't comment.

GladysKnight · 30/12/2017 10:04

Hmm, but people don't always tell you about their illnesses Lonicera. I don't share the fact that I can't force any food down owing to my abject terror over some embarrassingly non-existent threat during an anxiety episode.

danTDM · 30/12/2017 10:11

I agree totally OP

Having been very ill indeed, people are so keen to pass comment on my weight both before and after, in the supermarket, in the street.

A whole year of it now. On the school run I lost it and told someone to fuck off.

It is hard enough recovering without people thinking you want their opinion on you weight.

Fairylea · 30/12/2017 10:40

I think it’s just such a personal thing I can’t understand why people think they have the right to comment on it. By all means you can say someone looks really great, or you like the outfit they have on etc etc but weight is a physical thing, it’s someones body. I think it’s never really appropriate to comment on something physical. It’s quite an intimate thing to mention.

Feelings · 30/12/2017 10:51

Well how you feel about that comment isn't universal to everyone.

Some people like hearing they've lost weight and enjoy that other people have noticed. Others don't like to explain why they've lost it.

As a PP the comments are well meant, and your perception of what they mean is simply that. They don't mean anything horrible by it at all.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2017 10:57

I don't comment on anyone's weight but that doesn't stop some people getting arsey about it.

Some will get upset that no-one's mentioned their weight loss and some will get upset that people have mentioned their weight loss.

You can't win with some people.

Nikephorus · 30/12/2017 11:01

I plan on losing 3.5 stone this year. If I don't get plenty of comments I'll be gutted Hell they can even say that I used to be fat if they want - it won't matter because at that point I'll be healthy!!!!

Dabitdontrubit · 30/12/2017 11:03

I like it when close friends notice if I've lost weight as usually they'd know I'd been trying.

I avoid commenting on anyone other than friends' weight after stupidly commenting on her drastic weight loss & asking how she did it.

Turns out she'd had food poisoning & had spent 6 weeks at death's door.

Lesson learned.

Mustang27 · 30/12/2017 11:04

Oh shit I tell people this all the time if I think they have. I'm ok with it having someone say it to me. I do always say you didn't need to lose does that help I'm feeling bad now lol.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2017 11:07

I do always say you didn't need to lose does that help

Yes but that may sound as though you're saying they're now underweight

Honestly I'd stay off the subject as some people can get really precious about it.

Shadow1986 · 30/12/2017 11:08

I’ve lost over 1.5 stone in the last year and I liked people commenting at first, then I started noticing I had more lines round my mouth and then people kept saying ‘you can especially tell in your face’ and then was making me even more paranoid I looked gaunt and saggy face! I think you’re right though - think people should just say, you look well/lovely - rather than you’ve lost weight.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2017 11:12

Apparently telling someone they 'look well' means you're telling them they look fat

Or at least it did to lots of MNetters on a thread a while back.

I still can't get over that one

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/12/2017 11:12

I agree with you OP, nobody should be commenting to anybody else about their weight, lost or gained. It's rude in my book and makes me feel scrutinised.

Everybody should keep their traps shut unless they know that the person will welcome these intrusive observations.

PostNotInHaste · 30/12/2017 11:15

I don’t like it much but have lost a lot this year so had lots of comments. I do look drastically different though and have got used to it and to be fair if they don’t mention it , it is a bit like the elephant in the room. I was very fat before and well aware of it so that aspect doesn’t offend me.

It’s the ‘you don’t want to go too far’ comments that piss me off. I made a friend who did it guess my weight and she guessed 17lbs lighter than I actually am so I guess they mean well but I’m only aiming for top of BMI range and it does annoy me. A lot.

Strummerville · 30/12/2017 11:16

I'm glad of this thread, as I don't always know what is appropriate to say to people, so adopted a rule of never commenting on anyone's weight unless directly asked. I thought yesterday that a woman at work was a little slimmer and almost said something, glad I didn't now.

I love it when people comment on my weight, though. I feel quite validated by being told not to lose more. I may have some mild issues about weight (am not underweight, though).

Flip

1 2 3