My OH and I have been together for 15 years. I met him online having recently left a DV situation. My son was 1.
Over the years he has never been violent toward me but his moods are something else. He screams and swears over the smallest things (on xmas day for example he got cross because he opened a bottle of prosecco and it fizzed over and a 16yr old and an 8 yr old laughed)
Its hard to get it down in writing because he says its all in my head (I do take anti-d's) but its constant. I feel nervous when he is due home from work if the house is untidy or because i don't know whether he will be in a bad mood. He doesn't hit us but he has smashed a glass door (toys weren't put away), threw countless bowls or glasses because his mobile phone game (clash of clans) wasn't going his way. thats a couple of times. I guess it happens at least a few times a month on a good period - more on a bad one.
A couple of nights ago he woke me at 2am screaming eff you at his game. he was downstairs. I confronted him and we had a massive row. I said I wanted this to stop and I couldn't go on like this for the kids sake (16, 11 and 3)
since then hes not spoken. Just huffed a lot. He went into our 16yo room tonight and it was a mess. He started calling him names and then came into our 3yo room where i was reading him a story and started shouting at me about whether i had decided when I was leaving.
we have a joint mortgage and i have a lot of credit card debt (15k) with no regular income.
He says that because he pays the mortgage and bills and usually puts money into my account for food shopping/kids stuff (£100 a week) then he can act how he likes and we should be thankful he is putting a roof over our heads. I don't have a job. He has always been clear that his work means that he wouldn't be offering to assist with childcare so I have stayed at home.
Maybe we should feel thankful for our home but it feels so suffocating. He has said tonight that he isn't transferring money anymore, if I want out then he owes me nothing and that he knows I won't get financial help and cannot afford private rent so I can choose to stay married or I can live in misery all because I decided I was no longer happy.
I am in absolute pieces and I know a lot of this is my fault. I should have left years ago but I thought I was doing the right thing and now I have basically screwed myself. I feel utterly hopeless and I don't have any friends because our home was always so unpredictable I would have hated for outsiders to see it. He said tonight (upon seeing the state of his bedroom) that he hates my eldest son and would "stab him in the head happily". Who even says that?!
Am I overreacting as he says!? is it normal to have to bend around your spouses moods like this? Please help me. I don't even have a bed to sleep in tonight. I either have to go to our bed or sleep on my sons floor.