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AIBU?

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Original poster

How do I draw the line without causing atmosphere?

72 replies

MissCommunication · 29/12/2017 11:48

Hi

My DH is very touchy feely. This morning I was holding a full cup in one hand and a plate in the other, my two DC (5 and 1) were playing on the floor and DH came up behind me and started roving his hands about and then started feeling my boobs. He gets funny with me if I move his hands away or ask him to stop. How do I makeight of it whilst making it clear I find it inappropriate in front of the children? Atitle while later he was sitting at the table and I got up to get something from the kitchen and he asked for a hug which I did (it meant that I had to lean over), and his hands started going again over my bottom and then towards my groin. I definitely moved his hand away and he said what's wrong and to avoid a row or silent treatment I said oh nothing and beetled off to get my tea/freedom 😉.

What can I say? I've posted on here about him before and had a lot of support but I just need to deflect it as it makes me uncomfortable and I dont think he should touch me in a sexual way in front of our children.

OP posts:
SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 29/12/2017 12:13

He gets funny with me if I move his hands away or ask him to stop

Just wanted some witty yet uncompromising one liners to move it away from groping!!!!

'Stop fucking groping me in front of the children/when I've asked you not to. It's creepy and you're doing it without my consent.' Not witty, but the time for that has passed OP.

I've never suggested it on MN before, but I think he needs counselling of some kind.

The idea that you should put up with it because you're married to the groper is horrible.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 29/12/2017 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HolyMountain · 29/12/2017 12:15

He thinks your body is his possession to do with as he pleases, are you really happy with how he views you?

Ecclesiastes · 29/12/2017 12:15

How about: 'if you don't stop sexually assaulting me I'll divorce you'?

yorkshapudding · 29/12/2017 12:16

He thinks groping your breasts and genital area in front of your children is "affection"? Confused

It has fuck all to do with affection and everything to do with power and control. You are his property so he can do as he pleases. In your shoes I would be concerned about the impact on the kids. You don't want them growing up thinking this is how you show "affection" or that it's not ok to say "no".

WunWun · 29/12/2017 12:17

Why on earth do you want witty one liners to stop him?

Original poster
MissCommunication · 29/12/2017 12:19

Yes I was abused as a 7 year old. I've always been grateful for attention as a result and fear not being accepted if I reject or exercise independence.

And yes, I think atmosphere or not, he needs telling.

Thanks all!!

And Happy New Year!!! You're all amazing xxx

OP posts:
Cantuccit · 29/12/2017 12:20

This needs more than a witty one-liner OP.

Touching you in inappropriate places at inappropriate times against your wishes is abuse.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 29/12/2017 12:20

Is 'fucking stop touching me when I say 'no' or I'll chop your fucking balls off' witty enough?

Eatingwormswithwine · 29/12/2017 12:20

“DH, I love that you are so affectionate but could you please not touch my tits and arse in front of your young children, it’s a bit weird. Thanks”

AnyFucker · 29/12/2017 12:22

Your children are being abused every time they witness blatant sexual behaviour between their parents.

Turquoisetamborine · 29/12/2017 12:23

Reading that made my skin crawl, it isn’t normal behaviour. I would knee him in the balls if he did that to me.

That’ll larn him!

pictish · 29/12/2017 12:23

Agree with everyone else. If he's likely to kick off and create a bad atmosphere because you don't allow him free access to your body like some sort of groping facility, he's an abusive arsehole that's obliterating your boundaries to serve himself while setting the tone for your kids' future and what they then go on to consider acceptable.

What you need to say is, "Take your hands off me NOW."

IHeartDodo · 29/12/2017 12:23

Bloody hell! If you have asked him not to and he still does it then you have a real problem!
My DP thought it was funny to grab my boob early on in our relationship - I disagreed, told him I wasn't an object or a toy to be grabbed whenever he felt like it, and he stopped! Simple as that.

AnyFucker · 29/12/2017 12:26

And the chirpy sign off tells me nothing is going to change. Again.

yawning801 · 29/12/2017 12:30

I remember you. You're the one with the speeding husband in Germany aren't you? Considering that thread, and the bank statement one as well, I'm very surprised you haven't left him yet.

Maelstrop · 29/12/2017 12:32

Does he also pressure you into sex and sulk until you give in to his demands? I think you need to reinforce your boundaries, OP. Having been sexually assaulted, you need to shore up your defences and ensure sexual touching/sex only occurs when you both want it and in an appropriate place.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 29/12/2017 12:33

Thanks all!!

And Happy New Year!!! You're all amazing xxx

Hmm

Righto then.

Topseyt · 29/12/2017 12:34

Don't "make light" of the fact that he is assaulting you and invading your personal space uninvited. Be blunt. Brutal if necessary. He won't get the message otherwise.

If you make light of it he might take that as a joke and it will never stop.

He sounds like a total creep, to be honest. You should be able to move freely around your own home without fear of this sort of thing.

diddl · 29/12/2017 12:35

"He gets funny with me if I move his hands away or ask him to stop"

"This morning I was holding a full cup in one hand and a plate in the other, "

So now he gropes you when you can't move his hands away?

"My DH is very touchy feely."-no he's not, he's a disgusting man who has no respect for you.

Pearlsaringer · 29/12/2017 12:36

I wouldn’t worry about offending him. If he’s giving you the silent treatment it’s a whole lot better than the gropey treatment.

Tinselistacky · 29/12/2017 12:37

Next time you are vacuuming suck up his testicles.

XmasGrinchynessPersonified · 29/12/2017 12:37

And - obviously - it's not affection. The fact he thinks that it is affection shows he's got a completely distorted view of what that is. It's clearly sexual, it's exercising control over you, it's make you submit to something that you don't want to do - therefore it's abuse.

If not for your sake but for the children's sake, you really need to get away from this man. What are your two children going to learn - that it's perfectly ok to grope someone? It isn't!

pictish · 29/12/2017 12:38

That is because she knows he'll put her through hell for 'rejecting' him by expecting autonomy over her own body.
She will be nasty, frigid, unloving, cold, a nutcase, blaming him for her past, uptight, a weirdo, hurtful, unnatural, selfish, damaged and also ought to be flattered that he fancies her so much as well as a potential whole host of other bullshit that is basically designed to shame her into being available for his grasping paws whenever he feels like it.

pictish · 29/12/2017 12:42

It's not 'touchy feely' btw - it's 'gropey letchy'.

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