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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t bring your three preteen kids with you to a maternal feral assessment unit?

61 replies

lookingforthecorkscrew · 29/12/2017 10:21

And that if you MUST, you make them get up when there aren’t enough chairs for massively pregnant women.

OP posts:
Original poster
lookingforthecorkscrew · 29/12/2017 10:22

Oh FFS - FETAL

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 29/12/2017 10:24

Well, clearly some people must yes.

But they should certainly be standing for women hugely pregnant that need seats.

TheSameCoin · 29/12/2017 10:25

You’re being a bit unfair. Presumably if someone is in the MAU there are there because there is a problem with their pregnancy that needs to be checked out. Many people cannot childcare at a moments notice. They should have made way for pg women though.

Enidthecat · 29/12/2017 10:26

I had to take my pre teen dss with me because I had lack of movement with ds. I couldn't drive so dp had to drive me and we couldn't leave dss on his own (it was about midnight) and the only family we have nearby were away!

If there had been a lack of seating him and dp would have stood up.

Maybe try and be a bit more understanding as to why people have to take their children places?

underthesea45 · 29/12/2017 10:27

Perhaps she is a single parent with no support or just no childcare options. I doubt she chose to bring them of there was another option.

I would hope they would give up their seats though same as if there was a partner or friend present.

KhalliWali · 29/12/2017 10:29

Ha ha! I’m so disappointed that I can’t take my pre-teen to a feral assessment unit 😂.

Sorry, not laughing at you, it just provided me with a bit of a laugh after a nightmare few days with my DS.

QuentinSummers · 29/12/2017 10:29

YABVVVU. Do you really think parents would take their children to a fetal assessment unit if they had a choice? The mother is there for the same reason you are, because there might be a problem with her pregnancy, she won't have wanted to take her kids and the last thing she needs is being judged.
Not all people are lucky enough to have childcare on tap.

Ellisandra · 29/12/2017 10:34

Also loving the "feral" unit.
OP, hope everything is OK given where you are.
The other person might not have had a choice.
Her children may be taking up chairs because she is rude - or she may be massively distracted as it's a worrying place to be.

If you need the seat, ask the mother or a child for it.

But if you don't need it - not all pregnant women need or want to sit - then consider that letting young kids sit down could be easier on their potentially stressed mother than them whining about who has seats and not.

HappyAndRelaxed · 29/12/2017 10:42

Ask them politely to move. If they refuse, speak to the midwife and she'll tell them to move.

scrabbler3 · 29/12/2017 10:42

Most women with problem pregnancies, given the choice, would not take three children to an assessment. They'd much rather sit in nervous silence and focus on themselves, I'm sure.

However, childcare at short notice is not always easy to come by.

I'm sure she didn't plan it that way.

The seat thing is different. Of course they should have stood up.

MargaretCavendish · 29/12/2017 10:55

I agree about the chairs - but then that also applies to partners, who surely no one objects to being there (but they shouldn't be taking up seats if there aren't enough for the actual patients!).

It is a bit rough when people have to take children to these things - I've seen toddlers in early pregnancy quite often, and that can be a bit upsetting as a lot of people there are going to be told they've lost a pregnancy. But no one's bringing them for the sheer fun of it (unlike the scans - I do actually find it mind boggling that my local hospital has to point out three different ways on the scan letter that it isn't actually appropriate to have your children in the room until you know all is ok - but I've also seen lots of women on Mumsnet who talk about doing this, apparently blissfully unaware) so everyone just needs to be patient with each other and accept that it's not a nice place for anyone to be and we're all just getting through it.

hesterton · 29/12/2017 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lookingforthecorkscrew · 29/12/2017 10:57

Her husband is also here, btw. I’m not against kids needing to be present, I’ve had to take my son to appointments myself, just the sheer amount of chair hoggery that’s going on.

OP posts:
Kittypillar · 29/12/2017 11:00

I understand your frustrating (especially if you're worried and upset) but having the kids all there doesn't sound ideal for that mother either, so I'm thinking that they wouldn't have been unless she had absolutely no other alternative. The getting up to let pregnant women sit, absolutely they should be doing that and being more on the ball with that, but maybe the mother, given where she is, wasn't as aware of it as she might have usually been. If you are still there, definitely mention it to someone (reception or midwife) so that they can help.

Hope all is okay OP, I'm sure that's not a pleasant place to be either way :( .

flumpybear · 29/12/2017 11:00

Are there sufficient chairs? I think they should be asked to stand up if a pregnant person can't sit down but not if there's still sufficient chairs

Starlight2345 · 29/12/2017 11:01

if you said should children stand and let the pregnant ladies sit down then yes but she may very well want her DH there if there is a concern.

Kittypillar · 29/12/2017 11:01

*frustration, darn pesky autocorrect is not my friend today...

ChasedByBees · 29/12/2017 11:03

You can ask the children to move if there's not enough seats.

iBiscuit · 29/12/2017 11:04

I've been in MAU waiting rooms where some groups have clearly decided to make a lovely morning out of it. As in more than one adult, a few kids. I assume they're in for routine scans, and not thinking that maybe others waiting are going through a crisis and don't want random children climbing all over the place.

People can be selfish bastards.

FluffyWuffy100 · 29/12/2017 11:05

Are you standing? If so ask the DP for a seat.

If you’re not standing I’m not sure what the issue is.

shorty6768 · 29/12/2017 11:05

What if they have invisible disabilities OP? I’m sure you can ask reception for another chair...

Chocolate254 · 29/12/2017 11:06

If her husband is there maybe its for support perhaps they have no one to look after their children, Not everyone does.
Although I myself would ask my children or partner to stand so pregnant women could sit down, Perhaps she has alot on her mind with problems with her baby so isnt thinking about her kids manners.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 29/12/2017 11:07

Chair hoggery - not on. Yanbu.

Bringing dcs to hospital... probably unavoidable tbh. I had to bring my boisterous toddler recently when I went to Antenatal Day Assessment. Dh came too though and tried to keep her away from other mothers. I saw a few families there. No chair hoggery though. Everyone very polite about it.

Original poster
lookingforthecorkscrew · 29/12/2017 11:07

There are women sat here contracting, it just doesn’t seem like a place for kids to be. I’d have the dad take them to the cafe.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 29/12/2017 11:08

I thought it was some new fangled place where feral teenagers are sent. Grin Yes. Can't stand when people need to trail a tribe of kids everywhere they go at great inconvenience to everyone else. YANBU. Especially when they wouldn't give up their seats. I'd have complained to the receptionist.