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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t bring your three preteen kids with you to a maternal feral assessment unit?

61 replies

lookingforthecorkscrew · 29/12/2017 10:21

And that if you MUST, you make them get up when there aren’t enough chairs for massively pregnant women.

OP posts:
Flomper · 29/12/2017 11:08

are there any pregnant women standing up? If not, domt see the problem. If yes, a preteen should move and give uo their seat. im sure the staff will ask them to if they dont volunteer.

MrsDilber · 29/12/2017 11:12

This post is just a depressing heads up to why I need to stay away from mumsnet. Yabu. If someone needs a seat, ask for one.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 29/12/2017 11:12

Sounds selfish to me. Ask for a seat OP.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 29/12/2017 11:13

Tbf, my Dh did actually take dd to the cafe for as long as he could before she came hunting for me. Determined little munchkin!

Enidthecat · 29/12/2017 11:16

Ah yes because voluntarily sitting on your own without your loved ones waiting to get news on your pregnancy seems a great idea.

As for whoever said people making a morning out of it - stop being so judgemental.

Chocolate254 · 29/12/2017 11:18

Totally agree Enidthecat.

Firenight · 29/12/2017 11:19

I went to most of my scans alone precisely because my husband was looking after the older child. Thankfully we had childcare for the 20 week one (only one he came to) where a problem was picked up. I then took the older kid to follow up growth scans because, again, no childcare option.

thecatfromjapan · 29/12/2017 11:22

Ask for a seat if you need one. People are often hesitant to offer for fear of causing offence. Mumsnet is proof of how easy it is to offend people in the most trivial and unexpected of ways.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, by the way.

PersianCatLady · 29/12/2017 11:28

I would have thought that it would make more sense for her DH to look after the kids elsewhere but perhaps she needs to have her DH with her??

You don't know, do you??

One thing that does annoy me though is when you have two parents and several kids sat in the A & E department when it is one of the parents who needs treatment.

I am sure there will be all sorts of reasons why someone can't just go to A & E on their own, without their DH / DP and three kids but unless it is absolutely unavoidable, A & E isn't a place for kids unless they are needing treatment.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 29/12/2017 11:31

disappointed that the thread isn't about feral mums...

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 29/12/2017 11:32

Maybe non-drivers / too injured to drive @persian? Or just a bit silly!

JonnaSilvie · 29/12/2017 11:33

And the families who have to trail the tribe of kids around at all times are generally the ones who can't be content to sit quietly with books as well.

YANBU, surely this is the very place where you don't want to be bothered by other people's children.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 29/12/2017 11:33

I did go to a&e with my mum as an adult and there was quite the entourage eventually. She did die shortly after though and I was one of the last people to see her alive as I waved her into theatre, so if it’s something like that then maybe they wanted to be there.

MargaretCavendish · 29/12/2017 11:35

I did once see a woman and her mum and three adult sisters (two of whom had bought their own babies/toddlers) in EPAU - I did judge a bit, there are only eight seats in the waiting room anyway so they took up literally half the room, and in practice pretty much took over the same thing. Totally get wanting support, but that seems excessive, and it's also quite a quiet, hushed place and they were loud. I did think (and turned out to be right) that I was about to told I'd had a MMC, so I wasn't in the most tolerant mood.

Similarly I once went to the recurrent miscarriage clinic and there was a couple with two children and the woman's mother - could grandma really not have taken the kids to the cafe?!

NapQueen · 29/12/2017 11:37

Sounds like the ideal place to take pre teens and teens. Look kids, see these massive women in any amounts of pain contracting? This could be you without birth control!

MrTrebus · 29/12/2017 11:37

Some people are just entitled/oblivious. Just ask for a seat! Or stand next to them tutting loudly until they get the hint. Mountain/molehill.

Cherrycokewinning · 29/12/2017 11:39

Ask for their seat.

Blackteadrinker77 · 29/12/2017 11:41

I think you are on to something with the feral assessment unit.

I thing for the future maybe.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 29/12/2017 11:57

You have no idea why they are all there, people need to stop being so judgemental.

If someone needs a seat they can ask for one, beyond that, it’s none of your business to decide whether it’s the ‘place’ for their children or not.

PersianCatLady · 29/12/2017 11:59

Maybe non-drivers / too injured to drive @persian? Or just a bit silly!
Of course there will be some people who can't avoid it but some people seem to treat it as a day out.

Cakeorchocolate · 29/12/2017 12:00

I wouldn't be offended by their family (preteens or orherwise) being there. Would be bothered if patients needed seats and they could give them up but weren't though.

PersianCatLady · 29/12/2017 12:04

I did go to a&e with my mum as an adult and there was quite the entourage eventually
I totally understand that but when I volunteered at the hospital, there were people who came to A & E with minor complaints and brought many people with them.

I am talking about the sort of people who would get sent round to the walk-in GP because they didn't really need A & E in the first place.

My neighbours have took all three of their kids to A & E when just one child has had problems with their asthma because the mother doesn't like to make decisions without her husbands support.

Last time I saw them leaving to go down there I offered to look after the other two kids while they went to the hospital but she didn't take me up on my offer.

Actually probably says more about me than it does about them.

MaisyPops · 29/12/2017 12:04

Yabu. If someone needs a seat, ask for one.
And here was me thinking basic manners and courtesy would be to stand to give a pregnant woman a seat in a maternity service.

Sorry but anyone who doesn't get that and sits waiting ti be asked is just rude.

CheerfulMuddler · 29/12/2017 12:15

I've been to two fetal assessment units in the course of pregnancy, and both have had kids' toys/books etc laid on for older siblings. One had a whole special kids' area. It's very expected that parents will have to bring kids, and very expected that if you're having problems in pregnancy, you'll want your partner to be there.

If there aren't any seats available, they should definitely make space for pregnant women though.

iBiscuit · 29/12/2017 12:17

There's a pretty good chance that a woman in a MAU is there because she's scared, distressed, and generally not in a good place. She shouldn't have to bloody ask for a seat!

She is also exactly the person who has a right to think that MAUs are not a place for children if it can be avoided, what with her being a patient.