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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

All family being very cold to me, anxiety flaring up

36 replies

ForShameForShame · 28/12/2017 20:34

I know I'll be ok it's just horrible and uncomfortable. My mum didn't want to speak to me and fell out with me week before Christmas. I lost my PIP and thought I wouldn't be able to pay my rent I the new year so said I might have to move home (council not obligated to help me with B and B accom once PIP is gone) but got a job so anyway that doesn't matter and not a problem anymore, but she didn't feel like talking so they don't know I'm ok. I've posted about all this but don't want to drop feed.

She texted me a few days before Christmas but it's unclear if she's still furious. I've not apologised. I sent a text letting all family know I was ok.

Now other family are ignoring me too. It could of course be coincidence, I'm not sure. I'm just having a real anxious moment. Despite having a good Christmas without them all. Can't explain why I feel anxious as it makes no difference. I have a nice evening planned and am fine. Just need to write it down.

Probably just coincidence other family not replied. I just feel a bit shit about it.

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 28/12/2017 20:37

You say you've not apologised. Have you done something you need to apologise for?

Rossigigi · 28/12/2017 20:39

What have you done that you need to apologise for? XxX

Mxyzptlk · 28/12/2017 20:44

Why was your mum furious? Something other than what you've said here? As none of that seems like something to be furious about.

TheSameCoin · 28/12/2017 20:44

I remember your previous thread. I think the issue was that you didn’t ask if you could move home, you just told your mum it might happen? And that’s why she got upset? I’m glad you’ve found a job now OP and won’t lose your home. IMO you didn’t do anything wrong and have apologised in any case. Not sure what else you can do a part from distance yourself. Is your mum normally difficult?

Original poster

ForShameForShame · 28/12/2017 20:45

For saying I needed to move home if I couldn't pay rent. My mum was furious because I didn't think how this would affect her or the others in the household.

I apologised on the call when she told me this, but have not written an apology email or tried to call again. She said she didn't want to speak, I've left it at that. But now I wonder is she just becoming more angry because I've just tried. I don't know what I can say to her that will help, without making me feel a bit crazy. It's all very dysfunctional and feels impossible to fix.

OP posts:

Original poster

ForShameForShame · 28/12/2017 20:47

Yes that was the problem. I understand that her feelings are her feelings, and I should not have been so pushy, that was my fault.

OP posts:

Chocolate254 · 28/12/2017 20:49

Wow your mum sounds like hard work, I would leave her to it.

Knittedfairies · 28/12/2017 20:53

I remember your other thread too. I'd just leave well alone for the time being; nice to hear Christmas was good.

Original poster

ForShameForShame · 28/12/2017 20:54

I will be leaving her to it, if nothing else because I literally don't know what to say to her. And I'm not going to beg her to talk to me. So I guess that's that.
At the moment I'm quite sad about it though I know it will pass.

OP posts:

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 28/12/2017 20:55

Hmm, I think if an adult expects to be able to move in with a parent and freeload off them without so much as a by-you-leave it's a bit off! How old are you OP? Unless you're still a teenager it's extremely odd to expect to be able to move into your mother's home without asking (and offering to contribute financially).

TheSameCoin · 28/12/2017 20:55

I agree. She sounds very difficult. You have apologised for assuming you could move in. It’s not going to happen now anyway and she’s still annoyed. Why? Well done for getting a job OP - that’s brilliant!

Original poster

ForShameForShame · 28/12/2017 21:01

Yeah Headgehod I know it was wrong to assume. I was very panicked as can't manage my disabilities and medical equipment in a homeless shelter, it's not safe. I have problems with anxiety that I mostly cope with ok, but that felt impossible.

I have a new job starting now but she doesn't know which makes it worse.

OP posts:

Original poster

ForShameForShame · 28/12/2017 21:04

Freeloader, yeah sometimes I worry that I am. My health is difficult and I try to muddle along as well as I can, but then think what if it gets worse? What if I can't take care of myself where will I go what will I do to be safe?

OP posts:

Happy50 · 28/12/2017 21:08

Hi lovely
Do you have a social worker or a counsellor that could help you
Its very hard to cope with all this on your own.
If things get worse there are charities that will help
You probably have but can you ring MIND or SANE

Leontine · 28/12/2017 21:09

If you're in a crisis then I don't think it can be classed as freeloading! Goodness me!

JaneyEJones · 28/12/2017 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ForShameForShame · 28/12/2017 21:14

Thank you but honestly don't needs social worker, I have a job and resources are scarce. I'm actually on a list for counselling which I think is a good idea.

Don't think Mind is for people in my situation either really, when I enquirer before they said if I didn't have a personal budget from adult social care I couldn't participate in any of their programme.

im fine anyway! Making food and looking forward to my evening. Just a bit sad and confused. However, sadness and confusion are part of life I guess!

OP posts:

DoNotWorry · 28/12/2017 21:17

I hope they will never need it but my grown up kids will never be without somwhere to to stay as long as I have a roof over my head.

Rainatnight · 28/12/2017 21:20

I really feel for you. Even at the grand old age of 42, I find it hugely anxiety provoking if my parents are angry with me. However, I've been practising standing up to them, and not just rolling over to apologise, and it's actually enormously liberating. You realise that life continues and you feel an awful lot stronger for having stood up for yourself.

Do you have any friends who can support you through this?

kaytee87 · 28/12/2017 21:22

Op I think it's very sad that your mother didn't welcome you with open arms.
My dc will always have a place in my home if they need it.
Congratulations on the new job, onwards and upwards.

UnRavellingFast · 28/12/2017 21:28

Just to mention that my dad said to me and I say the same to my kids: my home is my children’s home whenever and however they need it. That is the normal parental default. Your mum sounds unpleasant if you don’t mind me saying so and I think you’d be better off without jumping in response to her outbursts. Well done on the job, they’re bloody hard to find so you must be good at what you do and must also feel chuffed! Keep positive and pat yourself on the back. It honestly sounds like she’s the problem here. Keep strong op. You sound lovely.

KirstyJC · 28/12/2017 21:32

I remember your thread and I am so glad you have got a job, I was worried about you.

I remember feeling the time that the way she behaved/spoke to you might well be part of the reason you are living with anxiety.........

So she currently doesn't actually know that you are OK? You could be homeless and jobless and she still hasn't called you? I think that says everything you need to know about your mum. Sorry and well done for sorting yourself out in such a difficult situation - you must be a very strong person.

Onward and upward!

BishopBrennansArse · 28/12/2017 21:35

OP it was firmly established on the other thread that your mother is a horrendous twat. This is not your doing.

goldengimbas · 28/12/2017 21:36

Have you appealed PIP. The success rate is so high with appeals

GerdaLovesLili · 28/12/2017 21:36

Has anything improved in your situation since your last thread about this on the 15th? In that thread you said you had apologised for assuming you could move back in.

I really think you need better help and support than you got last time, and you will get again here.

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