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Original poster

To say you can't look after my LO?

40 replies

DazedDal678 · 28/12/2017 18:04

OH and I have a 6 month old baby boy and we're now in the process of figuring out his childcare once I return to work. MIL only works 2 days a week so she had kindly offered up the other 3 days as childcare for LO. However, MIL has a crazy, batshit dog who can't be allowed anywhere near LO unless he has a muzzle on or is on the lead. He's a very heavy dog and often paws at me and has scratched me before so I know how painful it can be when he tries to jump up at you. He has also killed birds in the garden before and has attacked another dog whilst out for a walk, has an aggressive temperament and has snapped at my LO behind the muzzle so I know without it would most certainly harm my baby.

The problem is, I have greatly expressed to both MIL/FIL that no way can the dog be anywhere near LO and has to be locked away as I can't relax when he's around. Over Christmas he was repeatedly bought out of his room (on a lead, I must say) into the room we were all in. If he's locked away, he whines and cries and breaks things so i think they believe it's easier to let him be on the lead as he's quiet. However I'm annoyed that this happened without my permission as I had expressed that I wanted him away and nowhere near the baby as I know what he's capable of. I'm now thinking I don't think I can have MIL look after my baby when I go back to work as she does not respect my wishes. This has happened a good 3 times, each time I've asked for the same thing to happen and every time he's been locked away for the first few hours then let out when they can't handle his whining anymore. I am conscious of the fact that all it takes is for one slip up and that's it. What do I do? She has already expressed that she doesn't think she will be able to have DS because of the dog but really wants to and she would do everything possible for him not to come to danger, but I don't believe her due to dog being let out before. Help!

OP posts:
Marcine · 28/12/2017 18:06

No, it's not worth the risk.
Pay a childminder.

Whocansay · 28/12/2017 18:06

Find alternative childcare. I'm sure your MIL means well, but it's really not worth the risk.

chocolateiamydrug · 28/12/2017 18:07

get a nursery or childminder. I wouldn't leave the child with them. apart from that, it sounds like the circumstances are a perfect recipe for a strained relationship. Keep things separate.

Devilishpyjamas · 28/12/2017 18:07

She can’t lock the dog away for days on end. Find other childcare. She’s said she can’t have your DS because of the dog so there shouldn’t be any problem

Nomorechickens · 28/12/2017 18:07

She is right, she can't do childcare for you because if her dog. Unless she wants to come to your house (without the dog) and do the caring there.

Sirzy · 28/12/2017 18:07

Doesn’t sound like it would be fair on your child or the dog.

Mummaofboys · 28/12/2017 18:11

It wouldn’t be fair on the dog to be locked away but it would be too much of a risk to allow the dog and child to be together, you need to find alternative childcare.

Bambamber · 28/12/2017 18:12

Just find alternative childcare. If she wants to look after him there's nothing stopping her from taking him for days out. It's wouldn't be fair on the dog to be shut away for 3 days a week, but more importantly the child should absolutely not be anywhere near the dog.

ChrisPrattsFace · 28/12/2017 18:14

She said she would have him, then said she didn’t think she could?!
Could she come to your house without the dog? Or, find alternative care for him. It’s not worth the risk when there is previous issues!

Tinselistacky · 28/12/2017 18:17

Say she is welcome to do childcare at your home only. Yanbu to ask this, she is free to say no though. Least you will know her priorities and find childcare guilt free elsewhere.

gamerwidow · 28/12/2017 18:21

Not worth the risk you’d never forgive yourself if something happened. Either she looks after DD at your house with no dog or your get alternative childcare.

Original poster
DazedDal678 · 28/12/2017 18:22

You've all said what I thought, I just wanted to ensure I wasn't being unfair. Thank you everyone. Expensive nursery it is! However I would take the fees over my baby being put into that environment any day.

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 28/12/2017 18:22

MiL doing childcare at your home only seems like a good compromise but I wouldn't want to count on her sticking to that and not ever taking your DS to her home as he gets older.
Arrange other childcare.

Also I wouldn't want to ever take DS to visit her home.

BewareOfDragons · 28/12/2017 18:25

She absolutely cannot childmind your baby for you while you work.Too dangerous for your baby. She doesn't respect your wishes when you're there; certainly not going to be happening when you're not there. Plus, tbh, it's not really fair to the dog.

The occasional babysitting evening in your home without the dog? Sure. But babysitting at hers? Never.

Make sure your DH is backing this 100% and explains it to her as a done deal that you will be looking elsewhere for childcare as long as she owns the dog.

harrietsoton · 28/12/2017 18:26

I wouldn’t risk it because I have a feeling your Mil wouldn’t mind keeping the dog in the same room as you say...it doesn’t take much for a situation to escalate quickly, could easily happen if she left the room for a second to answer the door, grab something from the kitchen etc - this setup can only work if you both are on the exact same page

llangennith · 28/12/2017 18:27

Childminder.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 28/12/2017 18:28

You need alternative childcare. She's already shown she can't keep the dog away even when you've asked and you're present. The temptation would be too much if you weren't there

Besides what's the long term plan for the dog? Being locked up for days on end doesn't sound fair

speakout · 28/12/2017 18:33

I can't see the problem.

You don't want your child there and neither does your MIL.

So find some other arrangement.

Corcory · 28/12/2017 18:34

Can she not come to yours?

Mxyzptlk · 28/12/2017 18:36

It does sound like MiL has realised the problem and wants to back out but doesn't want to let you down.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 28/12/2017 18:39

Agree with all the PPs. One quick suggestion... 3 days of childcare is a LOT for your MIL to do. Perhaps one or two of the days you get paid childcare, you could do 1/2 a day/session and your MIL could have your DS for a 1/2 day?
Is 1/2 a day locking the dog up do-able for her?

They still get to bond. And it doesn't cost you quite so much???

meandmytinfoilhat · 28/12/2017 18:40

Your MIL has told you she can't watch your baby because of the dog.

You'll have to find alternative childcare.

Blackteadrinker77 · 28/12/2017 18:42

Can the dog be left at home a few hours a day?

I'm thinking she could collect DC from nursery half days those 3 days and go to your home with them.

RadioGaGoo · 28/12/2017 18:42

Meandmytinfoilhat. Then one wonders why MIL offered in the first place.

HappyHedgehog247 · 28/12/2017 18:44

Is there a FIL? I wonder if there is a compromise so she could do 1 day a week at your house for example so she knows it's not a rejection of her, just the dog. She can't be expected to keep a dog locked up all day, but as everyone has said, your baby can't be around the dog.

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