Need to know whether IABU or whether my Mum needs to back off

[JCo24]

Need to know whether I am being unreasonable or whether I should just man up and tell my parents to butt out.

So my partner and I are both 25, we both had twelve year old cars and in the past month both cars have died an uneconomically repairable death.
So my partners car packed up on the way to my parents house for a meal. She got it towed back to there’s because she was within 2 miles of their house (lucky considering the journey was originally 300+ miles). We have had to use public transport to travel over the Christmas period. Bad timing.

Anyway, together we decided to go in together to get a new car, financed. We can afford this, we have looked at many options, but ultimately, this whole both cars breaking down and worrying about whether the car will pass it’s MOT needs to end. And we are happy with our decision. My mother however is not, she and her husband are adamant they want to get the car fixed (obviously we will be paying for it not them) and that getting a car on loan is not a sensible idea. So now they’ve got a mechanic booked to look at it. It’s not even my car, my car died last month fgs.

I’ve already said no, we’re getting the car scrapped but she won’t listen!! She’s just so cross we want to get a loan out for this car.
So AIBU or is she and do I need to be more obvious in telling her to BUTT OUT.

Jesus apologies for the essay

There is no reason this is any of her business unless she is the one paying for it.

YANBU tell her to mind her own business

Just tell your parents it is none of their business. Arrange for the car to be picked up and tell then you are no longer discussing it.

The car sounds past it’s day, YANBU

Tell her it's your decision, not hers. My parents were initially horrified by my and my DSis getting cars on finance: 'but you'll never own it! All that money down the drain!' etc. I think they see it like renting a flat! I think viewing car finance as the devil's work is very old fashioned. If you and your DP can afford it and are happy, then that's all that matters. Nothing whatsoever to do with your DM. Dig your heels in and put a stop to it or you will always be answering to her. You don't have to justify your decision to her: if she keeps going on about it, firmly put an end to the conversation and tell her you won't be discussing it further. Might be worth getting your DP's car moved though - DM may get it fixed and charge you for it. I have had cars on finance for most of my adult life and I have never regretted it. It's great having a reliable and modern car.

If your mum's booked a mechanic, she'll be the one paying for that. How will she and the mechanic get into the car? Has your partner left the keys with your parents?

If you've decided to scrap the car, get it removed and tell your mum to butt out, indeed.

It’s not her business and you don’t have to consult her about it (provided you are using your own finances/don’t already owe her or anybody else thousands already).

Does she dislike your partner? Is is that she objects to the loan or objects to you tying your finances up with your partner?

I don't know your situation but I understand the fear about finance. We wouldnt do it and maybe she's worried about affording it when the old one can be fixed?

Either way though it's your choice and she shouldn't be trying to make that decision for you and should respect your decision even if they see it as wasting money . I suspect my dad would do exactly the same though!!

Thanks for the replies!

Just as another note, the car is not even on their property to top things off.

I agree, I think a lot of people of my parents generation think that finance is a terrible thing, but tbh, I just want a car that has a much higher chance of mechanically lasting for more that 2 years!

Wow didn't actually read shes actually booked the mechanic. That's way over the line!

Act like an adult!
Tell mum you won't be paying for anything she arranges, and get the car removed and scrapped.

It’s none of her damned business. Can you organise for a scrap metal merchant to tow it before the mechanic gets to it?

Having only ever had old cars and worrying about bills and whether they would pass an MOT it is so nice knowing that £X is going out each month and the only other costs are fuel, insurance and tax. Amd if something goes wrong it should be covered by warranty.
I don't think yabu at all.

Your car, your money, your business.

How does she think most people manage to buy a car without finance anyway? It's not as if you're taking out a payday loan or something!

Tell your mum and her husband to butt out - their behaviour and need to be this involved is, to be nice, odd.

There's something wrong with the dynamic of a relationship where a parent thinks the can 'demand' something of not only their own adult child, but another adult as well.
You need to address this

YANBU at all, but a word of caution with car finance "conditional sale" you cannot get out of the agreement early without paying off the car and it does affect your credit rating as it's counted as having credit. I discovered the former the hard way. Apologies if you already know this and good luck x

Cancel the mechanic, it's none of her business.

We had a 10 year old car that constantly broke down, we spent over 3k on fixing it over two years and it broke down again after our son was born. We got a loan and bought a car with that, it wasn't brand new but only had about 20k miles and we haven't had an issue since. Got 3 years of the loan left, best decision we made!

Arrange for the car to be collected for scrap asap. Most people at some point rely on a car loan but regardless it doesn’t have anything to do with your parents.

Did she pay for this car you are having scrapped? Tell them no the car isn't yours and it certainly isn't theirs so not to send anyone to look at it. this is interference at a high level and you must put a stop to it. That's unless they're financing you and the cars and it appears that they aren't.

It would be better for you and your DP to buy one reliable car that's not brand new, ideally with cash, but you may be getting a good deal on the current scrappage and low sales.
A decent mechanic might know of a reliable car that's coming available that the mechanic knows its history.
Your mother can advise but not dictate.

Tell her thank you for her advice, but you have researched at length and weighed up the options and this will make you happiest. If she pushes, just stress this is your decision as a couple, your money.

Me and my fiancee are leasing a brand new, gorgeous fancy car (not even buying on finance) and it's been a wonderful decision. Ok we may lose a bit of money in the long run over buying - we will never own it, but the slightest issue its not ours to deal with. Also means we never had to put down a big chunk of money upfront. Cars are never 'good' financially, so why bother thinking that way. We can afford it easily and we love it! I hope you end up feeling the same way!

Also yes - you need to put her on an information diet. You didn't need to tell them all the details, don't give them the opportunity in future to get involved! Stay vague - you don't owe them explanations, it's your money!