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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I Report Her?

77 replies

CloseToTheEdge17 · 28/12/2017 12:42

DH's EXW recently got a council house, and she asked DH to write a letter stating that we share custody of their daughter so that she could get a 3 bed.

DSD(17) actually lives with us full time (she was supposed to be staying at her mum's a few nights a week), but she now rarely sees her mum and her mum is refusing to let her live there at all stating its too disruptive for her DS(7) (she's just split from his dad). She doesn't even have a bed for DSD to sleep in on the rare occasion she does stay the night.

Am I wrong in wanting to report her for lying to the council to get a bigger house? I'm so cross that she's lied on her housing application and has been given a 3 bed house yet refuses to let DSD live there!

OP posts:
CurryWorst · 28/12/2017 12:43

If you report her and she doesn't get the 3 bed then she will definitely not have her dd to stay, will she? Will the dd thank you for that?

Original poster
CloseToTheEdge17 · 28/12/2017 12:45

She's already got the 3 bed house, she's been in it for a few months. Hence me being pissed off that she won't get a bed for DSD and won't let her stay there for more than 1 night every other week or so.

Can I suggest you re-read my post Curry

OP posts:
Abouttoblow · 28/12/2017 12:46

Although she has absolutely done the wrong thing by lying to get a larger house and refusing to let her DD stay there is very hurtful, what would reporting her achieve?
Having to move to a smaller property would mean there's definitely no room for your DSD.
I get why your angry though.

Tinselistacky · 28/12/2017 12:47

If she doesn't have her at all I hope your dh doesn't hand her any cash?

Bigkingdom · 28/12/2017 12:47

As your DH agreed to wrote the letter won't he get into trouble for lying to help her get the house in the first place? Hmm

Original poster
CloseToTheEdge17 · 28/12/2017 12:47

She currently lets DSD sleep in her DS's bed when he's at his dads... so she really doesn't need a 3 bed house.

Just makes me angry.

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 28/12/2017 12:48

They won’t evict her, all it will do is cause ill feeling. They can’t prove that she’s refusing to have her DD to stay. It’s shit, and she’s a cunt for lying, but you can’t change it.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 28/12/2017 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stitchglitched · 28/12/2017 12:48

Not sure what good reporting would do now. Your DH wrote the letter in support of her application, and she can just tell them she's fallen out with her DD or that their custody arrangements have changed since she moved in. She sounds shit to her DD though.

Bigkingdom · 28/12/2017 12:48

*write the letter

Original poster
CloseToTheEdge17 · 28/12/2017 12:49

It's only in the last few weeks that EXW has decided she doesn't want DSD living with her. At the time of writing the letter, sharing custody was definitely on the cards.

According to DSD, her mum has a new 'friend' who stays there quite regularly, so DSD isn't welcome...

OP posts:
dotdotdotmustdash · 28/12/2017 12:49

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/12/2017 12:50

Why did he agree to lie for his ex who is a horrible parent to their child?

TrojansAreSmegheads · 28/12/2017 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CloseToTheEdge17 · 28/12/2017 12:52

I just wish people would see her for who she really is. A shit mum who's more interested in having an affair with her "work husband" (DSD's words, not mine) than making sure her DD is happy.

Makes my blood boil that she acts like mother of the year to all her friends but in reality she can't be arsed with her own DD.

OP posts:
Userplusnumbers · 28/12/2017 12:52

Channel your energy into making your DSD feel even more welcome at yours.

This sort of petty game playing never makes anyone behave any better, and just leads to ill feelings all round.

JackietheBackie · 28/12/2017 12:53

Most councils will let you have one bed more than you need as long as you pay your rent. If she gets housing benefit based on her 17 year old needing a room you could report her for that I suppose. She is an asshole, and I would be cross (and upset for you step daughter) if I were you, but reporting her won't achieve anything. Sometimes you just need to swallow other people's bad bahaviour and trust it will bite them on the bum at some point in the future.

PinkHeart5914 · 28/12/2017 12:53

Well your dh wrote the letter so his just as bad then isn’t he? Shared custody wasn’t happening at that point so he lied? ‘On the cards’ is very different to having shared custody in place.

I mean seriously what will you gain by reporting? What do you think they will do to her? Surely you have better things to do than sit pleased with yourself for reporting the ex wife

She could easily just say her and the dc have fallen out and that’s why she isn’t there, sorry but I don’t think they would be evicting her.

tiredandwornoutmumma · 28/12/2017 12:53

As annoying as it is to see.. I think you are best to stay out of it. If you did report the worst that would probably happen is her having to pay bedroom tax for the "spare bedroom" plus you will also incriminate your DH for signing a letter to say they share custody when they don't.

You will sour relations for all involved and won't really "get" anything out of it.

MissConductUS · 28/12/2017 12:54

So she already has the house, and the letter is just so that the council will provide a bed? On her original application, did she state then that DSD lived with her part time then? If so, asking for a bed now raise questions I would guess.

Sorry if this is all obvious. I'm a Yank and we don't have the council house system.

GardenGeek · 28/12/2017 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkHeart5914 · 28/12/2017 12:55

I get it may upset you the way she treats the dd but some parents are shit, will always be shit, reporting her will not change that.

BastardGoDarkly · 28/12/2017 12:55

She didn't lie then did she?

But she sounds a cold hearted twat, so I understand your anger.

Flowers
TrojansAreSmegheads · 28/12/2017 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eatalot · 28/12/2017 12:57

Housing is stretched. Disabled people are paying tax on extra rooms they need. Because of people like this woman giving benefits claiments a bad name. These are the people that NEED to be stopped! Report the cunt.