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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do I Report Her?

77 replies

CloseToTheEdge17 · 28/12/2017 12:42

DH's EXW recently got a council house, and she asked DH to write a letter stating that we share custody of their daughter so that she could get a 3 bed.

DSD(17) actually lives with us full time (she was supposed to be staying at her mum's a few nights a week), but she now rarely sees her mum and her mum is refusing to let her live there at all stating its too disruptive for her DS(7) (she's just split from his dad). She doesn't even have a bed for DSD to sleep in on the rare occasion she does stay the night.

Am I wrong in wanting to report her for lying to the council to get a bigger house? I'm so cross that she's lied on her housing application and has been given a 3 bed house yet refuses to let DSD live there!

OP posts:
HateIsNotGood · 28/12/2017 14:04

You only pay "bedroom tax" on extra bedrooms if you receive Housing Benefit - I'm sure pps have already pointed this out.

Viviennemary · 28/12/2017 14:11

She's already got the house so I doubt she'll be evicted. If she is on benefits then you could report her if she should be paying the bedroom 'tax.'

Original poster
CloseToTheEdge17 · 28/12/2017 14:12

I don't think she'll qualify for benefits due to how much she earns.

It just seems wrong that she made out to us, and the council, that she would have a bedroom for DSD when in actual fact she hasn't actually made any effort to have that room ready for DSD to use. And is now saying she doesn't want DSD living with her at all.... I'm guessing it interferes with her weekend plans of going out on the piss with her mates Hmm DSD must "cramp her style"

OP posts:
Livingtothefull · 28/12/2017 14:14

I would agree report her….sorry but I have zero time for fraudsters who tell lies to get benefits they are not entitled to, which are intended for people are genuinely disadvantaged. People like your DP ex wife are the scum of the earth in my eyes, from first hand experience I know there are people out there in desperate need, and benefit fraudsters like her are robbing genuine claimants as well as giving them a bad name.

I don't agree that you should 'just let it go'..as in that case she can perpetuate her fraud & carry on taking resources away from the people for whom they are intended.

But it has to be asked: why did your DP write that letter and allow himself to be complicit in this? He should update the council with the current circumstances.

MrMeSeeks · 28/12/2017 14:14

I would. Why should she have a 3 bed house when she doesn't need it?

MrMeSeeks · 28/12/2017 14:14

There are people who actually need a home!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/12/2017 14:14

If you report her, will she not get clobbered by bedroom tax for having an unoccupied bedroom?

Ginormoustrawberry · 28/12/2017 14:18

The more I read MN the more it dawns on me that so many posters don’t live in the real world (or RTFT) Hmm

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2017 14:20

There is no point whatsoever in reporting her.

  1. You have no proof of what you're saying

  2. They clearly have a plentiful supply of housing stock, to hand a 3 bed house to a woman with 2 kids of the same sex...one of whom is nearly an adult.

  3. You seem to be unsure of the finer details anyway.

FitBitFanClub · 28/12/2017 14:24

I suppose you could report her, yes. But I can't see she's any more at fault than your dp, who colluded in the fraud by backing up her lie about where his dd was living.

Original poster
CloseToTheEdge17 · 28/12/2017 14:32

Worra did you misplace your glasses? I said she has a DS who is 7 and a DD (my DSD) who is 17.

I have proof in so much as DSD lives with us and never stays more than 1 or 2 nights in every 2-3 weeks. I'm sure DSD wouldn't lie to the authorities that she lives there more, plus we are in receipt of the child benefit for DSD as she lives with us and has done for a number of years.

And so what if the council have an abundance of houses to rent out, she's still lying to them about needing 3 bedrooms.

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 28/12/2017 14:32

Your energy would be better supporting your stepdaughter, instead of trying to get one up on her Mum by reporting her to the council which will inevitably backfire on you.

^^ I agree

Mxyzptlk · 28/12/2017 14:34

Is there any way of encouraging a better relationship between your DSD and her mum, rather than trying to cause trouble?

Lashalicious · 28/12/2017 14:36

It sounds like there are two underlying issues. 1) You don’t like your husband doing what he was told by his ex wife. 2) You don’t want your 17-year-old stepdaughter living with you. You think she should be living with her own mother who is benefitting from a 3-bed house yet not taking in her daughter for whom the 3rd bed was supposedly meant for.

Totally legit. At first when I read your op I felt the other side but when I finished typing the above I realized I would feel the same as you in your situation. Totally with you op.

Report her. Sounds like she’s gotten away with things too long. I wouldn’t even say anything about it, just report her and keep your distance from her. Their daughter is 17 so is rapidly approaching the age of independence and your h and she will have less and less reason to have to talk to each other and thus less opportunity for her to manipulate him. Just treat your dsd with love, her mother with caution, and tell your husband to stop being manipulated though that will be the hardest to achieve. She used the excuse of a bedroom for daughter to manipulate your husband into writing the letter when she wanted a bigger house, not a bedroom for her own daughter.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 28/12/2017 14:44

Maybe she doesn't have enough money yet to furnish the lady bedroom. Would you and your dh be willing to pay for it?

Original poster
CloseToTheEdge17 · 28/12/2017 14:54

Is that supposed to be serious NotSuch? You actually think DH and I should give his EXW money to furnish a bedroom in her house that she said was for DSD? Do you honestly believe that's our responsibility??

She is out drinking every other weekend (when her DS is at his dad's), maybe if she had a month off from living like she's still in her early 20's, she'd be able to afford to get DSD's room ready...

Lash It's not that I don't want DSD living with us, she has done since she was 11/12 but I do think she should stay with her mum more than she does now. I think DH a) wrote the letter for a quiet life and b) because he hoped it was a step in the right direction for improving the relationship between his DD and her mum. I do wish he'd spoken to me about it properly rather than telling me after the fact.

OP posts:
Lashalicious · 28/12/2017 14:58

Makes sense Close

Branleuse · 28/12/2017 15:00

keep your beak out.

She sounds awful, but youre best off keeping out of it and not inviting extra drama into your life

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2017 15:13

No I haven't 'misplaced my glasses' OP. I just made a simple mistake...

You're intent of reporting this woman anyway, so you may as well just get on with it.

Do be honest with her though if she asks, as it wouldn't be very nice if it caused her to suspect someone else, or spend the rest of her life wondering.

Not that the council will do anything anyway, unless you expect her own daughter to drop her in it too.

Notreallyarsed · 28/12/2017 15:30

Oh now I get it. XW has a life which she enjoys and you’re not happy that you’re not involved in the decisions between her and your DH. The penny finally drops.

BitOutOfPractice · 28/12/2017 15:39

Worra did you misplace your glasses?

You're really not very nice are you op. With your snidely little digs.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2017 15:53

Found them anyway Xmas Grin

Do I Report Her?
Gemini69 · 28/12/2017 16:02

OP stop explaining yourself to us...

Report her.... you know you will anyway .. do it Flowers

iBiscuit · 28/12/2017 16:42

Well if the council do anything (which I doubt) and force her to move to a 2-bed then your dsd definitely won't have a room at her mum's.

Brilliant Hmm

Gemini69 · 28/12/2017 16:50

the Council may very well force her Tenancy to change .... it's not unheard of.. and not completely safe to assume they won't.. the demand for this type of Housing is massive ... so it's possible she may be forced to move Flowers