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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a racist expression?

145 replies

Mrsknackered · 28/12/2017 11:29

'One cotton picking minute'. My GM uses it A LOT especially when dealing with our DC (who are mixed race, although this is irrelevant)
DP has already pulled her up on the amount of gollys displayed around the house (in paintings, cards, china ornomants) he explained the history of them too her, she seemed to understand, then the next time she had put them back up!
I told her I think the expression has racist/slavery roots and showed her the google result for the phrase (which the top post describes it as an awful racist phrase) she seemed upset and said that it definitely isn't, and she's sure it is said in an episode of Vicar of Dibley (Hmm)
Whilst I was packing the car to leave this morning, I heard her use it twice! I spoke to my mum who said that 'I shouldn't be too upset, as she honestly isn't doing it with bad intentions' but it's really grating on me.
AIBU? Everyone seems to think I'm being over the top! It is racist isn't it?!

OP posts:
Rebeccaslicker · 28/12/2017 12:18

Interesting explanation here:

www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/cotton-picking.html

MuseumOfCurry · 28/12/2017 12:18

Beside the point, but what’s the problem with ‘no can do’?

pisacake · 28/12/2017 12:18

Cotton picking isn't racist, but erm, nice way to chuck the gollies in there.

greendale17 · 28/12/2017 12:20

Actually, she sounds pretty racist. She has racist toys, uses racist phrases....

^This. She knows what she is doing

StickThatInYourPipe · 28/12/2017 12:22

Fuck me the woman was stranded in an orphanage and the one possession that she could call her own was a golliwog, which in those days was not deemed offensive.

I’m not surprised she has an attachment to them just as anyone would with their only comfort from childhood, especially when her parents weren’t even there!

xxJoJoxx · 28/12/2017 12:26

I have a mixed race child and have many people in my life (my age 40s) who think it’s ok to say half cast I'm dual heritage and I use 'half caste' - no need to feel offended on my behalf.

Confusedbeetle · 28/12/2017 12:29

Is she kind and loving to the children? That is the only important thing here

Jux · 28/12/2017 12:30

I’d cut her some slack, but explain to the children that some adults use words and phrases which children should never ever say. Treat it as you would swearing? Might work!

grasspigeons · 28/12/2017 12:35

I know this isn't the point of the thread - but what does it actually mean?

froshiechipandbrickie · 28/12/2017 12:37

Her attachment to the gollies is imo understandable (considering her history). And you don’t have the right to tell her what to put up in her own home. Even if it’s racist, sexist etc. Especially if she isn’t doing it with the intention of hurting you. (But you and DH obviously have the right to decide whether you and your children want to be in her home / expose yourselves to the sight of the gollies!)

As for the ‘cotton picking’: yes, that’s also problematic and I’d be worried about DC repeating it.

But she’s saying cotton picking minute (and not hands)... there doesn’t seem to be any racism aimed at you or DC.

Btw, there’s also the ‘pea picking’, isn’t there? ‘Bless OP’s MIL’s cotton picking / pea picking heart’.

May I ask how old she is?

Rebeccaslicker · 28/12/2017 12:38

Grass - the link I posted above seems to say it means "thorny or difficult" rather than referring to the cotton pickers themselves.

However even if that's correct, it still sounds wrong to me, given the similarity, and i certainly wouldn't use it.

Kursk · 28/12/2017 12:42

The items / words maybe racist but there is no intention from the person to be racist so they are ok.

Stitchintimesaves9 · 28/12/2017 12:42

I tend to not challenge the casual racism from older members of my family, just for the sake of keeping the peace. But we've always discussed it with the DCs along the lines of 'isn't Great Aunty Stitch being racist - it was more acceptable in their day'. But maybe I should. They do know it's not acceptable and yet they still think it's OK to come out with such crap.

I wouldn't be able to tolerate the gollies though. Again, people now know they are not acceptable. I appreciate they might have sentimental value, but maybe she could put them away when you visit? Or confine them to non-public areas

froshiechipandbrickie · 28/12/2017 12:42

know this isn't the point of the thread - but what does it actually mean?

It’s used to emphasise, basics like darn or fuck. One darn (or cotton picking) minute.’

(Or ‘I need one fuck minute!’)

InsomniacAnonymous · 28/12/2017 12:44

As a PP said, she will have picked it up from Bugs Bunny.

grasspigeons · 28/12/2017 12:48

I've googled - as it didn't make any sense as a phrase to me, having never heard it before.

urban dictionary suggests its the same as any other minute but it feels like forever because you are being forced to do it (slave)

froshiechipandbrickie · 28/12/2017 12:48

*basically like

*fucking

Ehm, anyhow Blush

TheRottweiler · 28/12/2017 12:52

I have golliwogs, lots of them.

I used to collect the tokens on Robertson's Jam, back in the day. The Golliwog was their marketing ploy.

I am NOT a racist. And I will not put my Golliwogs in a cupboard either :)

Elend · 28/12/2017 12:53

There are a lot of phrases in every day life that have their roots in not so nice things. I think the important thing is how you react when you find out where they came from or are told they are offensive. Do you stop using them or not? In this case she has been told and keeps saying it, which I think is disrespectful no matter what age she is.

RestingGrinchFace · 28/12/2017 12:53

TBH I have never heard the phrase before. While I loosely associate cotton farming with America (among other countries) and I loosely associate America with slavery (again among other countries) I wouldn't automatically think the phrase had racist orgins, or, even if it did originate in slave supported plantations, that it was necessarily racist. Quite frankly I just find it nonsensical. Is it supposed to be derogatory of slaves? Is a cotton picking minute different from a regular minute somehow? Does it imply laziness or something? Or is it offensive merely because of the slavery association? If so then why aren't all words associated with the slave trade deemed offensive and racist? If you are worried about your children repeating it then just explain to them that it's an old fashioned phrase that's a bit racist and definitely not something that they should repeat. I wouldn't worry too much though. If someone said that to me, even after being informed of the origins (although not understanding the connotations) I wouldn't bat an eyelid because it just seems too innocuous to be meant as a racial slur.

MsWanaBanana · 28/12/2017 12:56

I have a mixed race child and have many people in my life (my age 40s) who think it’s ok to say half cast
My children are mixed race. When I was growing up this was the normal term for everyone who was mixed race and a lot of people I know still use it today. I don't have a problem with it. My Indian side of the family call my kids half cast. They don't mean it in a derogatory way, it just means they're half Indian

ObscuredbyFog · 28/12/2017 13:01

The cartoon character Deputy Dawg used to say 'Just give me a cotton-picking minute' loads of times in each episode IIRC to his sidekick Musky.

How old is she? If she's mid 50's to mid 60's it was likely on kids telly when she was young and picked up from there.

DullAndOld · 28/12/2017 13:02

I managed to get one of the last Robinsons Golly badges, back in the late 90s, and was most disappointed with the quality.

RestingGrinchFace · 28/12/2017 13:04

@xxJoJoxx half-caste is a slur in Australia used in the past to describe half indigenous half white children who were routinely excluded by some indigenous communities or (if they looked passably white) abducted by the government and put in institutions where they would be 'taught' how to be white and often abused or exploited. It is just as offensive, if not more, than the N word in Australia. Whether something is offensive or not is very much a cultural thing. She maybe Australian/indigenous Australian/had ur said to her in Australia and find it offensive while you don't because in Britain it's purely descriptive and not a slur. Just FYI. Nothing wrong with saying it in Britain but definitely don't use that particular phrase in Australia. I would imagine that something similar is up with the cotton picking.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 28/12/2017 13:04

The number of people who line up on MN to defend fucking golliwogs is so weird and quite depressing.

I find her response problematic, to both the phrase and the golliwog issue: you've made clear why there is a problem, she seems to understand that, but she's nonetheless happy to keep putting her mixed race GDC in that environment? Yuck. I wouldn't tolerate that for my children.

It's hard enough to talk to your children about racism and help them to understand a world where some people feel that way about them, where historically loads and loads and LOADS of people have felt that way about them; how much more difficult to explain their own grandmother's weird affections for those caricatures? (And yes, as an adult I hear the backstory and I can see why she'd have formed that attachment, but I wouldn't expect any child to appreciate it - especially in the face of how fucking repulsive the toys are, and the warped presentation of "black" features they are made of.)