To be bothered by friends daily texting

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One of my friends who i met a few years ago through a mutual friend will text me every day without fail, morning and night. I wouldn't mind as much if there was anything to actually talk about or she wanted to actually have a proper chat but it always goes like this.

Her: good morning
Me: morning!
Her: how are you today
Me: I'm good thanks. You?
Her: I'm ok
..... (I stop replying) ....
..... (later that night) ....
Her: goodnight

Rinse and repeat.

It used to be via Facebook but since I stopped replying there she's moved on to texts. I feel obliged to reply so I don't seem rude, I do like her and we live far apart so only see each other once a year roughly. Some days I won't respond at all but she is not deterred.

Aibu to feel as though this contact every day is a bit unnecessary and repetitive?

I can't be bothered by daily contact, but some people seem to need it, so I reply.

Is she lonely? If so i'd indulge.

That's ridiculous! Although I do wonder if she's lonely

She may well be lonely, I did think that was it which is why I reply most of the time. I don't want to come across rude or offend her as she's a nice person, I just find it a bit overbearing every day

How long has this been going on for!? It'd drive me nuts.

Have a friend like this and the only way to challenge it is to start texting only when it suits you. Reply when you want to and have something to share. Don't reward meaningless 'morning' texts with replies as it'll just keep reinforcing it.

Sadly I don't think my friendship will make it as despite doing my best to change it the constant messaging is making me feel smothered and I no longer have any positive or enthusiastic feelings towards this person and dread the thought of seeing them. If I reply just one instead of reading the mood and giving back a similar amount of contact they'll just take my single reply (after ten or so messages sent to me over various platforms none of which are interesting conversation) as a reason to start up with the daily messaging again even if I don't open them. It's like they don't notice the echo chamber.

Hope your friend isn't this way OP. Take some control back. Chances are you're not the only one she's doing it to and if she's just saying stuff for the sake of it she might not even care you don't always reply.

Ps you should read captain awkward and start engaging mostly in behaviours and relationships which work for you, not ones like this where you feel smothered and keep going anyway as you feel sorry for her. I doubt many people would want a daily chat buddy originating from your worry she may be lonely. Stop operating this friendship within her parameters as they're not working for you and start implementing your own. You don't owe anyone a reply let alone multiple times per day! You're not glued to your phone.

Completely relatable @lemonshark

I went quiet on her for a few days a week before Christmas and when I finally opened her message thread there was the usual morning and goodnights, then "are you ok have I done something to offend you"

I replied saying no of course not and just sometimes I'm an introverted person and don't want to chat, and that she shouldn't take offence.

She didn't take the hint and picked up where we left off the next day. Morning how are you. Rinse and repeat.

It's been going on for about 18 months now, there is rarely a day without contact and I don't recall the last time I hadn't got a message over any platform in a whole day

I will look into that captain awkward!

Maybe you could not reply for a while and then when she asks why say you didn't have anything to say/ anything interesting to say. Might be more of a hint.

I may well try that. The problem is I feel she will take offence unfortunately as that's just the kind of person she is. Very sensitive to the way people respond to her and talk to her

Re your last post, sadly that's her problem to deal with not yours. You're being perfectly reasonable not to want daily inane chatter. Is it a friendship you'd be devastated to lose or would you be quite glad the daily nonsense has evaporated? It confused me with my friend as it's like they just don't notice I'm not replying. No 'have I offended you, are you okay?' Just the next day another slew of messages. Currently I've not spoken to him in three weeks and today I received three Facebook messenger messaged and two WhatsApps. Haven't opened them.

Also she's a friend of a friend you've known just a few years and only meet annually? This level of contact is seriously fucking weird from anyone but a best mate and even then only okay when it's clearly mutual! I bet you never ever have chance to be the first to message. My mate also had nothing to say so it was always down to me to keep the convo going and think of things to say which just left me exhausted and resentful when he'd been the one initiating contact.

I wonder if you could maybe 'train' her in the sense that you only ever once a day and at 5pm for example. That way, hopefully she realises there's no point messaging outside of 'the zone'

YANBU that’s really overbearing. Definitely need to chance the risk of offence by not replying so frequently. Yes it sounds like she could be a bit lonely but there’s no real chat is there? Also, you sometimes have to be a bit selfish and prioritise yourself. As a bit of an introvert I’d hate this, the commitment of needing to reply sounds draining in itself.

I'm ok is quite a clipped reply. Maybe she isn't ok and wants you to ask about her?

I agree with lemonshark, but also want to ask...

Do you think she might be in love/ infatuated with you?

It does happen. Maybe tread lightly and let her down gently if this could be the case?

Unrequited love in all forms is heartbreaking. Most of us have been there at some time or other...

Good luck

ugh I have a similar situation except mine tells me every move she makes and I feel I have to make similar reports throughout the day.I feel really guilty when like today, I only responded once and ignored her msg for the rest of the day. Prob is with mine, she wants to talk on the phone too. I limit it to once a week if I can cos she will talk for hours given the chance. It gets me down but she's my only friend at the moment, which is sad and I've known her a long time. I just can't really handle her very well. Sorry for hijack, I didn't realise I felt so strongly about this lol

I certainly hope they're not in love or infatuated with me, I'm profoundly straight and wouldn't want any added awkwardness. I guess I can't rule it out given the sheer volume of the communications, but I'm more inclined to believe she's just lonely.

Out of guilt I engaged her a little after posting then slowly phased out contact again. I've not spoken to her since new years eve when I wished her a HNY. True to form the good morning and good night texts have continued (with no response from me). I actually found myself avoiding social media as it seems every time I open my fb messenger app, she pops up straight away as if to say "AHA there you are!"

I say that in jest. I'm sure she's not actively spying on my social media presence, although it is something of a coincidence.

I do feel a bit overwhelmed by the volume of the contact, an introvert by nature I enjoy my peace and quiet. I think maybe it's time for me to say something gently, that old cliche "it's not you, it's me" springs to mind..

I have a handful of close friends who don't require so much validation from me. My oldest friend and I rarely engage in text tennis, only catching up when one of us has something nice or relevant to share with one another. Those are the friendships I cherish the most, the people who you can go weeks without talking to and nobody thinks badly of the other because we appreciate were both 'doing life' but when we do catch up it's as though we're still as thick as thieves. Ah the bliss and simplicity of low maintenance friends

"It's lovely to hear from you but I'm not a text-every-day type of person! I don't even text my best friend/mum more than once a week! So sorry if you don't hear from me I just don't enjoy texting every day".

That's very well worded. I feel as though that would say everything I want to say perfectly, had it not been for the fact that until recently I went along with the daily contact out of politeness. I've kinda dug myself a hole and made it worse by allowing it to get to this point and engaging through gritted teeth for what feels like an eternity. I think whatever I say to her now she's going to think I've developed some sort of issue with her

Dear Lord that would drive me bonkers. I’m not in the least introverted but I absolutely don’t want to be texted daily by anyone (except my DH) .

I’m afraid I’d have blocked her number and her social media long ago.

YABU.

Think yourself lucky that you are not in a position where you feel lonely and cut off from people.

You have someone around that clearly cares and wants to engage in a quick conversation with you. Who's it harming?

God forbid that one day you won't be sat around wondering why nobody asks you how you are or cares about what you're doing in life.

Be a little kinder.

Yeah, that's odd. Maybe she's playing some weird game to test how long someone will put up with it for. She needs cutting off.

That would be too much for me, I’d stop for a couple of days and if she asked what was wrong I’d say cakedup response which is true

What @cakedup said

It's lovely to hear from you but I'm not a text-every-day type of person! I don't even text my best friend/mum more than once a week! So sorry if you don't hear from me I just don't enjoy texting every day".

Send this.

And yeah this woman's behaviour is OTT.