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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a thank you

61 replies

Appleandcinnamon · 27/12/2017 21:39

It’s now the 27th December and I’m still waiting for my niece to thank me for her Christmas present. My sister in law’s children have never said thank you and today this time (because of other things that side of the family have done over Christmas) I am apoplectic with rage. We stopped buying for my nephew once he turned 18 and apparently that’s a horrendous thing to do as he feels left out. I don’t expect a gushing thank you letter but a bloody text to say cheers is the very least. Both of mine have thanked my sil for their gifts.

I’ve got to see that part of the family tomorrow and I don’t actually think I can speak to them without flipping out about everything they have done over the last few days that’s pissed me off

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2017 22:13

They’re not merely “other people’s children”, they are family.

Why bother buying at all, if that’s how you feel?

twattymctwatterson · 27/12/2017 22:15

Every year the same threads... it's nice to be thanked but if this kind of thing makes you outraged then you really need to learn to relax

oliveinacampervan · 27/12/2017 22:15

I am apoplectic with rage.

You need to get out more @Appleandcinnamon

Insomnibrat · 27/12/2017 22:18

What else have they done to get you wound up?

We don't need to know, I'm just nosey. *thanks in advance

Original poster

Appleandcinnamon · 27/12/2017 22:19

The people that are chilled out would you be pissed off if you never received a thank you? Ever? Or would you just think oh well? Don’t you think that the point of raising children is to teach them some bloody manners? Just to add again I’m fuming because of a list of shit this lot have done this is just the last straw

OP posts:

Original poster

Appleandcinnamon · 27/12/2017 22:21

Insomnibrat God I’d love to go into it and have a real rant but if they read it they would know it was them and me me and then would probably never speak to dh again and he would be gutted. Me well not so much

OP posts:

crunchymint · 27/12/2017 22:22

I stopped at 18. My niece and nephews did not thank me ever. If they had, I would have carried on buying.

oliveinacampervan · 27/12/2017 22:23

Well don't bloody buy anything again then! If it stresses you out so much, and makes you 'apoplectic with rage' if the kids don't kiss your fucking feet for buying them a selection box and a dot to dot book, then don't buy them anything else.

Jeeezus, you sound fucking high maintenance. Get a grip. God help you when you have a REAL problem to deal with!

TeenTimesTwo · 27/12/2017 22:23

For this one instance:
YANBU to expect a thank you.
YABU to be fuming this early.
Mine do thank you letters, but by the end of the holidays, not in the middle of the celebrations.

Lashalicious · 27/12/2017 22:23

What else have they done, op, that have you so upset? Based on what you’ve said so far, there is no reason at all to be apoplectic with rage. Or even mildly annoyed. You know, in the hustle and bustle of presents, some thank yous are going to get lost in the shuffle. Why are you even thinking about this? Thank yous are nice but I don’t sit around expecting them.

You’re mad because of your sil I think. She hasn’t made her daughter thank you yet. Is that right? What has your sil done to you?

Stickerrocks · 27/12/2017 22:23

Why don't you concentrate on enjoying Christmas rather than exploding with anger at an apparent slight? I reminded my 15yo to send thank you messages and I nudged her again earlier. She will send them over the next couple of days, but we've spent the whole of Boxing Day and today travelling and teenagers tend to work on a different timescale to normal humans. Perhaps she is waiting to thank you in person if you are seeing them tomorrow.

Did you explain that you would stop sending presents at 18? I usually find it's best to forewarn people about these sort of decisions so they know what to expect.

CatchIt · 27/12/2017 22:25

I am religious about sending thank you cards for Christmas and birthdays, especially from my children.

It has however only been 2 days. Dh makes our cards at his work so the photo is personalised and they’re free but after Christmas I have to wait until he goes back to work, they’re written and then posted fairly quickly.

Yanbu for expecting a thank you card but yabu for being ‘apoplectic ‘ after 2 days. Give the poor girl a bit of time!!

Nightshirt · 27/12/2017 22:27

I do agree people should thank the giver, but I wouldn't expect a thank you from my nephews in 2 days.

Nightshirt · 27/12/2017 22:28

I plan to give my nephews and nieces presents for as long as I am alive and can afford it. I am in my late forties and my aunt still sends me presents. We are a small family so that may help.

SoftSheen · 27/12/2017 22:30

YAB very U to expect a thank you letter by 27th Dec... even if a letter had been written and posted on Boxing day, it wouldn't reach you until tomorrow at the very earliest!

I am going to start making and writing thank you letters with my two children (6 and nearly 3) tomorrow. Since we have quite a few to do, it is likely to be a week or so before they are all finished and posted. I've never known anyone not be fine with this.

longtompot · 27/12/2017 22:31

Hopefully a thank you card is in the post to you. We stop giving presents to kids in our family when they turn 18, but they are then part of the adults secret santa so they still get something but also have to give something.

BusyBeez99 · 27/12/2017 22:32

We send thank you notes within two weeks not two days. YABU

BackforGood · 27/12/2017 22:35

The people that are chilled out would you be pissed off if you never received a thank you? Ever?

I have one set of dns who I've never had a thank you from, other than a verbal one if I am there when they receive their gifts. I think it is a shame they aren't been taught that it is the 'right' thing, to thank people via letter / e-mail / text / or phone call, but I don't blame the dns. It isn't their fault, more their loss

Or would you just think oh well? Don’t you think that the point of raising children is to teach them some bloody manners?

No. I don't think many people would bring children into the world just so they have someone to teach manners to What a bizarre idea.

PaxUniversalis · 27/12/2017 22:39

Did you deliver the present in person or did you send it?

MonumentalAlabaster · 27/12/2017 22:43

I give gifts to my nieces & nephews until the youngest child in the family is 18. So for example my nephew is 17 but I gave his older sister (19) a gift too this year. Next year when he is 18 and she is 20 it will be the last time I give them presents. They are lovely kids so there will be none of the "but she got 2 more years of presents than me" bullshit!

Original poster

Appleandcinnamon · 27/12/2017 22:46

Lashalicious You are right I’m pissed off with sil and mil so niece is getting end of very fraught month. Only because I can’t explain in detail what they have done.

I have not said I expect a note a letter or a card but I expect a call or text even if it’s from her mother. Especially when my children called already and spoke with them. I hand delivered the present to be ready for Christmas Day.

OP posts:

GrrrHotdogs · 27/12/2017 22:49

Our family stopped buying presents at 21. I instigated it as my parents were spending too much money on their grandchildren. As I had the eldest kids it was easy for me to suggest it. Everyone knows the score and no one minds at all. My kids no longer get anything from my parents except a card and a bar of chocolate. They even say thank you.

XmasInTintagel · 27/12/2017 22:58

I have not said I expect a note a letter or a card but I expect a call or text even if it’s from her mother.
You have really worked to find offence here, when most people wouldn't think of 2 days as late for anything, and many have told you that on here.
You choose to make your DCs ring and thank people quickly, many people don't start on doing thank you' s til the Xmas to new year bit is over, its a personal choice, you don't make the rules!
If they don't ever thank you, it changes nothing in the world - you can decide whether it stops you giving a gift next time (personally I like giving something, and don't care whether i get any kind of thank you message, at all).
This is really small stuff,if its the worst thing that has happened to you this year you are very fortunate, and should try to understand that.

Nanny0gg · 27/12/2017 23:00

We stopped at 18 in my family.

Otherwise it never ends.

WinnieFosterTether · 27/12/2017 23:01

tbh I wouldn't expect a thank-you and definitely not in this timescale.
We've been out of the house every day since (and including) Christmas. We won't be sending thank you cards till later in the week or maybe next week.
I think you're being rather impatient. I'm also wondering if you have thanked everyone who gave you a present or if you expect people to treat you differently from how you treat them?
Also, for context, we gave out nearly 30 gifts. I've received 3 thank-you messages so far and don't expect to receive many more.

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