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AIBU?

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Original poster

To move in with my dad?

28 replies

passemoilevin · 27/12/2017 20:55

He said if I find a grad job up north/ Scotland (where he's from) when I finish uni, then he'll lend me the deposit for a 3 bed for me, him and my 2yo.

After a few drinks on Christmas Day, we discussed the logistics. The main thing playing on my mind is that I'm 24, and eventually hope to meet someone lovely, live with them, get married and have more children. He said no problem, if that happened he'd move out and sort a repayment plan. House would be in my name. House would have to be up north/ Scotland due to the amount I could borrow on 30kish as a single parent with a dependant. We currently live in a very expensive city in the SE.

He's not a well off man, he got left this money a few years ago as inheritance. He doesn't have a well paid job and is in his late-50s, so couldn't buy somewhere himself. He said that if only my mum would let him live with her, he'd give me and my sister 20k each (his entire inheritance) for a house deposit. But they've separated and she wouldn't do that.

So, I love him very much. He's the most brilliant dad and grandad, my daughter worships him and vice versa. She's his absolute world. I know he'd be heartbroken if we moved far away without him. I love hanging out with him and we get on really well.

Plus I guess I'm pretty lonely, and he definitely is. I'd happily sit at home and watch the soaps with him etc. Although he can be quite untidy and expect things done for him - I guess that's a bit of a worry. But he may have got better after living by himself for a few years since the separation with my mum.

He helps me loads with childcare now, and if we lived together it'd obviously be easier for him to help more - like now, he helps on the day I work till 8pm - I think this is enough so I would never ask him to help so I could go out with friends/ on a date. So I don't, ever. But if he lived with me and DD was in bed, this would be a lot less of an ask. I could have a life again! I wouldn't expect this btw and if he wasn't happy to babysit in this manner that'd be fine too.

It seems like it'd work great for me, my dad and my daughter.

But, this is really unconventional isn't it? Is this a crazy idea; one that will lead to difficulties in the future? I probably couldn't buy by myself for a good 10-15 years, what with rent/ nursery fees swallowing up my income. If that - it really is very difficult for young single parents to get on the property ladder in this climate. From what I can see, the mortgage repayments are likely to be 300-400 a month, ATM I pay 1100. So could save so so so much, and with that spare money I could pay him back? I'm not sure he even wants that.

Rambling I know - sorry. I've had wine and am really excited about this opportunity but just don't know if it's for the best.

OP posts:
Original poster
passemoilevin · 27/12/2017 20:58

Also - this was 100% his idea after I had said I was considering moving up north. Hope I'm not going to get ripped apart by the AIBU vipers for something or other Grin

OP posts:
wherethevioletsgrow · 27/12/2017 21:04

I think you should do it but for both your sake make sure you get a deed of trust drawn up with details of your respective shares and what happens should either wish to sell etc.

Liara · 27/12/2017 21:04

Actually, it sounds like a lovely idea.

Even if you do meet someone, realistically it would be a few years before you would move in together and start a family, and you could always sell up and your dad could buy something smaller for himself with part of the money and give you and your new partner a bit for you to put down a deposit on your own place.

Dc are only little for a very short time, having a loving involved grandparent nearby is a wonderful thing to be able to offer them.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 27/12/2017 21:07

Would you be able to earn £30K in the area you want?

Would it be better to have two flats next to each other (maybe in the same house) rather than share a kitchen/bathroom etc?

Katkin14 · 27/12/2017 21:08

In many cultures different generations living together is not unconventional at all. If this feels like it would work for all of you you should seriously consider it.

SometimesMaybe · 27/12/2017 21:10

In lots of cultures lots of generations live in the same home together. To me, this sounds like a really sensible way of securing your future with you child benefiting from having a secured support network. Only you know what your dad is like and would be like in the event of you meeting someone. Though if you were to meet a new partner there would be no real reason for your dad to have to move out?

SometimesMaybe · 27/12/2017 21:11

Cross post!

Original poster
passemoilevin · 27/12/2017 21:12

Would you be able to earn £30K in the area you want?

I'm not sure. I'm applying for jobs between 25k - 32k in the Leeds/ Edinburgh/ Glasgow area. I should graduate with a 2.1 or a first from an ok uni. Have worked for 8 years, though not in necessarily related jobs - though I'm trying to identify lots of transferable skills. This is obviously moot at the moment as I'm just starting to apply. But hopefully I'll find one.

Would it be better to have two flats next to each other (maybe in the same house) rather than share a kitchen/bathroom etc?

Maybe. But are these easy to find, or would we have to convert a house? That sounds like a lot of hard work and expense that I'm not sure he'd be up for.

OP posts:
Original poster
passemoilevin · 27/12/2017 21:14

Though if you were to meet a new partner there would be no real reason for your dad to have to move out?

I guess if I met someone and was planning to get married to them, I probably wouldn't be thrilled at the idea of their parent living with us forever!

But as a PP said, we could sell up, hopefully I'll have saved a good amount and could give him back his deposit money + extra and he could buy a smaller property nearby outright.

OP posts:
Original poster
passemoilevin · 27/12/2017 21:16

Really really pleased that everyone doesn't think it's a crazy idea btw!

3 years ago I was heavily pregnant, attempting to get out of an abusive relationship and living in an awful homeless hostel. To think next year I could have a degree and be on the property ladder just makes me want to weep with joy Grin

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 27/12/2017 21:19

Would you be able to get a house with two sitting rooms? If you want your friends to come round, you don't necessarily want your dad there, and vice versa.

Original poster
passemoilevin · 27/12/2017 21:21

I think you should do it but for both your sake make sure you get a deed of trust drawn up with details of your respective shares and what happens should either wish to sell etc.

And yes, I'd do this. But I wouldn't worry too much about him changing his mind years down the line or anything like that; he has more integrity than anyone I know.

When we were younger, we used to ask him to take us to butlins after he'd had a few beers - he'd say yes and we'd hold him to it the next day so he'd have to book it. Grin he's the best. Would do anything for me and my DD, I'm sure of that.

OP posts:
Redken24 · 27/12/2017 21:21

Look for a house with an annexe or granny flat? I'm sure it would be workable. Besides who's to say your dad might meet someone himself.

Original poster
passemoilevin · 27/12/2017 21:22

Would you be able to get a house with two sitting rooms? If you want your friends to come round, you don't necessarily want your dad there, and vice versa.

Good idea! Even if we got a 4 bed with a bedroom on the ground floor, that'd work right?

It looks like our budget would be about 120k. I am looking at the most beautiful houses in those areas for that price. That would barely get you 2 parking spaces in my hometown.

OP posts:
Original poster
passemoilevin · 27/12/2017 21:23

Look for a house with an annexe or granny flat? I'm sure it would be workable. Besides who's to say your dad might meet someone himself.

I hope so, more than anything! Even my mum wishes he would so much. With a 120k budget. I'm not sure it's realistic to be able to get that though? But I'll definitely look; that would be ideal.

OP posts:
Redken24 · 27/12/2017 21:39

Where abouts? I like looking at houses 😂

MyBrilliantDisguise · 27/12/2017 21:44

Yes, let us find you a house!

KarmaStar · 27/12/2017 21:47

Sounds like a fantastic idea OP go for it,🌼🌼

Original poster
passemoilevin · 27/12/2017 21:48

Where abouts? I like looking at houses 😂

I haven't got a job yet, so god knows. But his preference is near Glasgow/ Edinburgh. To be fair I bloody love Scotland and Scottish people too. And the free uni fees for DD and the general left wing feel aren't putting me off GrinAt the risk of being completely outed, we have family in Falkirk - which he tells me is 30 mins away from both of the above. So near there would be fab. But I won't have a job offer for a good 4/5 months? So I guess any lovely houses you find will have gone by then? You could have a look at the general vibe if you like (I am Grin). I'll come back when I have a job offer so you can help me find the perfect one, promise.

Eeeeeeekkk! 😬

OP posts:
user1497997754 · 27/12/2017 21:59

Sounds a really good idea def like the annexe or granny flat idea as you could both have a certain degree of independence which is always a good option. You might meet someone or your dad might meet someone....that would be lovely for both of you....good luck

Tistheseason17 · 27/12/2017 22:01

What a wonderful DD! Go for it!

scrabbler3 · 27/12/2017 22:03

Great idea, but sort out the legal paperwork and in order to avoid resentment, discuss ground rules re housework and childcare before you do anything. Also, you need to clarify what will happen if one of you forms a serious relationship - don't assume that he'll be on the same page as you and vice versa.

hahahaIdontgetit · 27/12/2017 22:26

Sounds like a great idea, your dad sounds lovely.

But £120k won't get you far in a decent area of Leeds or Edinburgh, (no idea about Glasgow).

Apileofballyhoo · 27/12/2017 22:46

I think it's a great idea - I'd do it in a flash.

Just a thought, but have either of you considered what your sister would think? You mentioned that your Dad would be helping her with a deposit if circumstances were different, so you might like to get her opinion and decide on something fair so that she is treated in an equitable way.

19lottie82 · 27/12/2017 22:54

Mortgage providers won’t accept a loan as a deposit.

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