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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To start trying for a baby?

39 replies

Ilovecoleslaw · 27/12/2017 20:53

Bit of background:
DP and I have been living together for about a year and a half, currently failing at saving for a deposit on a house. I start my full time nursing job in February, I currently work full time as does DP.
We had a mmc in June (planned pregnancy), and haven't been ready to ttc again since then.
Come February, our combined take home pay after bills will be 2300, so we plan to crack down and put every spare penny towards a mortgage.
Next week would have been my due date, and DP's brother has recently had a baby, which has really made me and DP think of ttc again.
I've got baby on the brain constantly and can see a couple of options:
A) the sensible option - wait until we have a mortgage or at least the majority of the deposit saved up before TTC, or at least until August where I will get full nhs maternity pay.
B) screw waiting and Ttc now, knowing it may or may not take months to happen.

You're all going to be a hell of a lot wiser than me, so I think I need the mumsnet jury to convince me into option A. Although I know it's the most sensible option, I really don't want to wait any longer!

(Obviously discussed this with DP, and he is happy with either option, but swaying towards option b)

OP posts:

MrsFionaCharming · 27/12/2017 20:54

How old are you? I’d wait for the full maternity pay to kick in, assuming you’re not at risk of missing your window.

FellOutOfBed2wice · 27/12/2017 20:55

Well sensible brain says b but I know when you really want a baby that you’d be more likely to go for a. The maternity pay would be a worry for me though. FWIW we had two kids while renting and eventually brought a house when DD1 was 2 and DD2 was six months.... I did get full maternity benefits from my job in both pregnancies though.

NeilPetark · 27/12/2017 20:55

Wait until you qualify for your nhs maternity pay, it would seem silly not to.

iamyourequal · 27/12/2017 20:56

Hi OP. So sorry to hear you miscarried . It must have been a tough year for you indeed. Please advise what age you are. I think it's significant in trying to answer your query.

johendy · 27/12/2017 20:57

B. Unless age is against you. It's less than year away.

kitkatsky · 27/12/2017 20:57

If I had my timecagain and could have the same child I’d get a mortgage first- they take childcare costs into mega consideration- but it is a v personal decision

NeilPetark · 27/12/2017 21:00

We didn’t buy our first home until
DS was about ten months old. Can’t say not owning a house was an issue but I wouldn’t have had a baby so early on in my nursing career. You don’t say how old you are.

Original poster

Ilovecoleslaw · 27/12/2017 21:06

I am almost 22, DP almost 27.
I know you're all going to say I'm really young and have years to have kids, which is true, but we would both like to start a family soonish (within the next couple of years)

OP posts:

acquiescence · 27/12/2017 21:12

NHS maternity pay is a significant amount more than statutory. You are so young that you have no concerns about fertility issues due to age. The sensible option is to wait.

ClareB83 · 27/12/2017 21:13

Wait and get maternity pay.

MiniAlphaBravo · 27/12/2017 21:20

Definitely wait for nhs maternity pay, it is a really good package, better than many. I know it's hard when you've got babies on the brain but I would really advise you to wait a bit because you will be far better off when you are a little more secure in your career. You wouldn't want to be worrying about money and your job with a young baby. It is wonderful having babies but it does come with certain strains so best to wait a little while. It's really not that long (even though it probably seems like it).

KarmaStar · 27/12/2017 21:20

Hi OP,I'd definitely wait for your NHS maternity entitlement is in place.
Not only will it help your mortgage application but will give you that added financial cushion.
Babies are gorgeous but not cheap,even buying decent second hand items its hugely expensive.
A year is no time at all,it will fly by and give you time to settle into your new job.....personally I'd pay nurses the same as the footballers get and then you'd be able to do both at once!😊
Good luck,I hope 2018 is a fantastic year for you

specialsubject · 27/12/2017 21:24

If you are only 22 give it another year or two to be sure on the relationship. And 20 mins in the registry office for legal protection.

peachgreen · 27/12/2017 21:27

Wait for maternity pay and get married first (for your protection).

peachgreen · 27/12/2017 21:27

I'm sorry for your loss by the way. I had a MMC last year and am now 36 weeks with my subsequent pregnancy so it can happen!

RefuseTheLies · 27/12/2017 21:29

Wait for the nhs maternity package. It’s a hell of a lot better than most.

HPandBaconSandwiches · 27/12/2017 21:29

You’d be absolutely foolish to TTC before your eligibility for NHS maternity leave. Being broody is no excuse for not listening to your head imho (I’m sorry for your loss). Being poor is no fun for you or the child. If you’re struggling to save now it will be a million times more difficult when you’re off work with the baby. And that’s not even considering that you really should be establishing yourself in your career.
Another 5 years would be much more sensible, get a home, have some fun holidays, enjoy getting to know one another.
Wait.

NeilPetark · 27/12/2017 21:32

You’re young, establish yourself in your nursing career first. You’ve been only been living together for a year and a half, what’s the rush?

Figgygal · 27/12/2017 21:34

You're 21 what's the hurry??

Get yourself financially sound, a career established travel, have fun live a bit!! Plenty of time for kids

HoldTightPretendItsAPlan · 27/12/2017 21:37

Sorry about your MMC.
I don't have any DC, but have had to MC while trying. I really understand the urge to start NOW.
I would say wait until your mat pay would kick in, but spend the time getting into good 'shape' - come off hormonal contraception, start paying attention to your cycle, start some exercise if you don't already, sort out your vitamins. Then hopefully it will be straightforward.
... having said that, I would totally understand if you went for option B.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 27/12/2017 21:39

If you were 38 you'd get different advice, but 21? Honestly, if you're broody now, you'll be broody after giving birth, too. I'm not the only one who wanted to get pregnant just hours after my first child was born.

Save up for a house deposit. Buy the house, furnish it. Get married (makes a hell of a difference) and go on some great holidays. Make good friends, get a job you love and THEN get pregnant.

JsOtherHalf · 27/12/2017 21:42

It's much easier to go part time in an established career following maternity leave. For that reason I'd say wait.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 27/12/2017 21:42

Sorry but I think you'd be a bit shortsighted not to wait until you qualify for maternity pay. You've trained for a career and you'd be doing yourself an injustice to not even start that career imo. There's no rush.
I do, however, feel for you, very deeply. I am sorry about your miscarriage. My DP and I suffered one back in the summer, albeit an unplanned pregnanc but still really toughy, and we're now looking to ttc in the new year but are still not quite convinced on the finances side!

CrossFreelancer · 27/12/2017 21:52

Absolutely think you should start your career as a nurse. Even if you wait 6 months before you fall pregnant, then a further 9 months working while baby is 'cooking'. Then you will have been working at least a year. You would have gained so much experience.

It will make going back to work in the future a lot less daunting. Trust me, going back to work after maternity leave is scary. You feel like you have forgotten everything. Not to even mention the much better maternity package you would get.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2017 21:54

Wait. SMP is no fun. I know from experience

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