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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to have a bucket list

26 replies

svenwhen · 27/12/2017 08:34

I don't even like calling it a bucket list but it covers what I mean, life aspirations or desires to fulfill . I spoke to a friend who does have one and is going through it. I was in awe of the amazing places she's been and things she's done. She asked me had I and I struggled to come up with one thing. It's not as if I'm well traveled, or that I parachute at the weekends. No, I just couldn't come up with anything. I'm in a bad place with my marriage, I've young children, we're not well off, you'd think I'd have a long wish list! I wish I had ! Anyone else not have one?

OP posts:
Original poster
svenwhen · 27/12/2017 08:34

AIBU not having one?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 27/12/2017 08:36

Ive got dilly things on mine as well as far flung destinations! But yanbu not to have one at all.

RedHelenB · 27/12/2017 08:36

Silly things i mean

Tipsntoes · 27/12/2017 08:36

I don't think so, I feel the same.

When I hear people talking about what they'll do when they win the lottery, or what they'd do if they had 3 months to live, I can't think of a single thing I want on that list. My life's fine.

Sanshin · 27/12/2017 08:40

I used to have one. I was a single parent in benefits, was so skint I had to choose between buying electric or gas. We lived in a shit hole house in a horrible area and felt constantly harassed by the local feral kids. My bucket list back then was the only thing keeping me going. It gave me hope and optimism.

When my luck changed and my life turned around I started being able to tick off various things on the list and the more things I ticked off it, the more I found I didn't really need it anymore. So now instead of a bucket list I do yearly goals - things to achieve within the year. I find it keeps me motivated.

LiveLifeWithPassion · 27/12/2017 08:44

It sounds like it’s taking a lot of energy for you to cope with your situation at the moment.

Original poster
svenwhen · 27/12/2017 08:55

Sanshin, Yearly goals ...I like the sound of that. It sounds more achievable even though I still haven't achieved my last year's resolutions!
I just felt a bit of a down when I couldn't even come up with one thing is like to accomplish when she was ticking off climbing mount Everest...

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Original poster
svenwhen · 27/12/2017 08:56

*I'd like to accomplish
Typing on phone excuse all the typos!

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Original poster
svenwhen · 27/12/2017 08:59

Livewithpassion, yes alot of my mental and physical energy is sapped .
However I do think back to years ago and I have always struggled with coming up with 'bucket lists' I had never even heard of such a thing until that film came out years ago.

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LiveLifeWithPassion · 27/12/2017 09:07

If you don’t have a burning desire to do something, then you just don’t.
Things like that are so tied into our personality. Some of us want to see the world and experience stuff, some of us don’t.
What exactly made you feel down
When you you were discussing this?

Sanshin · 27/12/2017 09:11

It really does help, picture yourself this time next year satisfied that you'd managed to achieve x,y and z in the past 12 months.

I was reading something interesting last night about alternatives to resolutions and bucket lists and that is monthly goals. It's broken down so much that it seems so achievable.

So an example was Jan - clean the house. Sounds boring but it was broken up into daily tasks and if you lack motivation like I do, it sounded perfect!

So for January - day one - surface clean the living room and kitchen.
Day two - surface clean the bathrooms ..... then day 7 might be "deep clean the oven" or day 15 "organise the wardrobes, getting rid of anything you don't wear, doesn't fit, you don't like .... "

I found it quite good anyway and I'm going to do that one for January :-)

Sanshin · 27/12/2017 09:14

Also for more exciting stuff - do you like travel? If not then why do you feel you should aspire to achieve it? If you're not bothered about travel then don't worry about it! What are your interests? If you won the lottery today and never had to worry about money again, how would you spend your days?

Original poster
svenwhen · 27/12/2017 09:23

Livewithpassion, she seemed so confident that she will achieve her goals ,even going as far as saying that her DH has different goals and not knowing how he'll achieve his as she's definitely going ahead with her plans. (it was said in a confident nice way and they do seem like a happy strong couple)
I just have a fear of upsetting people, which I'm trying to change. I wish I was that confident in my decisions or goals.

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LiveLifeWithPassion · 27/12/2017 09:49

So, this is about more than the bucket list. It’s how you feel about your lack of confidence and how your fear of upsetting people is stopping you from achieving your goals.
It’s good you’ve started to work on that. There are some good self help books available, if you think that will help.
You spoke about your goals and decisions. If you never upset anyone with any decisions you make or any goals you aspire to, what would they be?

LiveLifeWithPassion · 27/12/2017 09:53

It sounds like you envy the freedom she has to make those decisions too.

LinoleumBlownapart · 27/12/2017 09:59

My bucket list is always having shelter, warmth, food, and clothes. That's more than most people in the world will ever have.

cardibach · 27/12/2017 10:03

Sanshin have you got a link to that? Sounds like something I need!

meredintofpandiculation · 27/12/2017 10:32

This is probably not relevant ... but when I'm slipping into depression again, one of the first things I notice is I'm unable to look forward to anything with happy anticipation. Which includes having nothing to put on a "bucket list".

JaceLancs · 27/12/2017 10:38

I don’t either - have never had a life plan and never knew what I wanted as a career
I tend to drift into things when they feel right for me or an opportunity occurs rather than plan
There are things I’d like to do but it’s not really even a wish list eg my plan for this year is to have as many holidays as I can afford
Yesterday I made a snap decision to change my car after debating for last 2-3 years when was right time - could I afford it etc - as I’ve had said car for over 10 years when I told DS (24) last night he was somewhat surprised -

dudsville · 27/12/2017 10:44

I share the sentiment. When I was young I would probably have had dreams but was so poor I never entertained anything like that. Then in my 20s and 30s luck changed and I did loads. My father asked me recently what was on my bucket list and I realised I didn't have one. I don't dream big, and I can and do all the things I want to do. The only thing on my horizon is I'm waiting for my 50th to take a cruise, but even that is just around the corner. It's nice to do stuff but it's also nice to live life satisfied.

Original poster
svenwhen · 27/12/2017 12:35

I guess I do envy the freedom she has, but then I think she too has children, a job ,lots of commitments etc, but the support of a dh and the her own confidence to make time for herself, which I've never thought about until now is what I'm envious of and angry at myself for not being strong to change my own situation.
The bucket list conversation made me realise that I don't have any big dreams apart from being happy with my children. Which I think I'm failing at at the moment.
Sorry this seems to have turned into a woe is me thread.

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Original poster
svenwhen · 27/12/2017 12:37

Jacelanks, I too drift into things,short lived usually!

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Champagneandthestars · 27/12/2017 13:37

Comparison is the thief of joy Flowers. I've always followed Karl Pilkington's life philosophy that people who like to jump out of planes and whatnot are only happy when they are doing those crazy things, but people who are happy with a cup of tea and a biscuit can be happy everyday.

Unicornfluff · 27/12/2017 13:43

when she was ticking off climbing Mount Everest

Really? Has she really summited Everest?

Vitalogy · 27/12/2017 13:51

Go with they flow I say.