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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's too old...!

26 replies

ARudeAwakening · 27/12/2017 07:40

To be buying presents for yourself from the kids still.

Niece is 14, Nephews are 13 and 16.

Eldest has a part time job and all three of them get pocket money that they earn by doing various chores in the house.

My sister and her husband bought their own presents from the kids (the kids had a budget and chose the gifts but their parents paid)

AIBU to think they are old enough to buy gifts themselves with their own money? Especially the oldest.

OP posts:
Original poster
ARudeAwakening · 27/12/2017 07:41

I should add that the eldest gets just over £200 a month from his job and all three get about £20 a week from their parents from doing chores.

OP posts:
rudolphslittlehelper · 27/12/2017 07:51

I think that it is nothing at all to do with you.

Why are you jealous?

ferntwist · 27/12/2017 07:53

YANBU. Enabling the kids to be very lazy. They should be sorting it themselves at that age. So many pampered kids on MN threads.

Original poster
ARudeAwakening · 27/12/2017 07:54

@rudolphslittlehelper
What on earth are you talking about? How is there any jealousy in my post?

OP posts:
rudolphslittlehelper · 27/12/2017 08:02

How is there any jealousy in my post?

because you have posted a bitchy and unnecessary post about your family criticising them. You also are over involved as you know how much their children earn. The way that it is written makes you sound bitter and jealous.

You are so over involved that you have bothered to put up a post about something that has nothing at all to do with you. It is there family- it is up to them what they do.

:Live and let live!

Sirzy · 27/12/2017 08:03

If they are happy doing it that way then what exactly is the problem?

peachgreen · 27/12/2017 08:07

I think it would be unusual in most families to expect children to buy gifts for their parents from their pocket money. Part time job is a bit different but regardless, it's not really any of your business.

Original poster
ARudeAwakening · 27/12/2017 08:14

I'm very close to my sister, we actually talked about this over Christmas.
She asked me opinion as she agrees with me but her DH thinks they are still children and shouldn't pay.

We are a very close family and involved in each other's lives - She's my sister, there's only 10 months between us, we were in the same school year so very very close, they are my niece and nephews... If we're not allowed to get involved in our own family then no wonder society is so screwed up!

I'm asking opinions on age for gift giving and own money, no opinions on my involvement.

OP posts:
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 27/12/2017 08:17

I give my DC money to buy one another a gift. They're 13 and 9....they often take their pocket money and buy DH and I a soap or something but we actively discourage them from getting us gifts. We prefer them to make things.

Mine make quite good things now....DD2 for instance got hold of some nice timber "slices" and painted them and they're coasters. DD1 made me a lovely breadboard with some help from DH. She burnt a heart into it.

coconutnut · 27/12/2017 08:26

rudolf I think you missed a comma....

Why, are you jealous? Not Why are you jealous?

Original poster
ARudeAwakening · 27/12/2017 08:27

Wow CheapSausages that sounds amazing and very skilled!

OP posts:
Original poster
ARudeAwakening · 27/12/2017 08:28

Still not sure what I'm supposed to be jealous of?
My kids are under 10 so it's not even a question for them yet!

OP posts:
InfiniteCurve · 27/12/2017 08:32

I think it would be unusual in most families to expect children to buy gifts for their parents from their pocket money. Part time job is a bit different but regardless, it's not really any of your business.

A 5 year old,no.But £200 pounds a month is plenty to actually sacrifice a little to buy the people you ( hopefully) love a present at Christmas - and siblings,and grandparents...and birthdays too!
And if you are a teen getting 80 a month the same applies - save a bit to give presents once a year.
Otherwise the message is that they should expect to receive - gifts,"pocket money" etc etc,but that it's totally unreasonable to expect them to give anything.They are doing chores for money,so not contributing to the family for "love" either .
Not the best message from my viewpoint.

kittensinmydinner1 · 27/12/2017 09:05

Never understand the 'it's none of your business' comments . It stinks of a horribly superior attitude . This is an anonymous forum where we are all free to post our thoughts and questions. It was a really straightforward question. Is it a bit weird to buy your own presents from your kids when you already give them pocket money/they earn money ?

I think it is a bit strange OP. My youngest is 15 but has a good pt job so this year she was able to buy some lovely presents. In previous years I would give them another £30 each on top of pocket money in December to help but the thought, buying and wrapping was of course down to them from aged about 8/9. and is a useful lesson in thinking of others and budgeting.

peachgreen · 27/12/2017 11:25

What a family does re: money is nobody else's business. Saying that isn't superior. Assuming you have a right to an opinion on other people's financial arrangements is superior.

peachgreen · 27/12/2017 11:26

@InfiniteCurve Like I said, the part time job is different. But regardless, it's the parents' decision and nobody else's.

Fitbitironic · 27/12/2017 11:36

kittens isn't living them extra money in Dec to pay for your gift just like paying yourself though?
Op, what do you think? Will you expect your DC to use their own pocket money (when they get it) to buy you presents?
I give my DC pocket money for them to do with as they like, so I wouldn't expect them to buy me a present from this at least until 16. A part time job is different though. When they're earning their own money it would be nice of them to think of it, but unless you've encouraged them to buy you/each other presents previously (by funding it), they might not think of it themselves.

hendricksyousay · 27/12/2017 11:37

They need to teach their kids to give . It's something I hadn't realised I'd omitted to teach dd so we did this year and she bought us some lovely gifts . She is 14 soon job but gets an allowance to teach her to budget so she used that.

formerbabe · 27/12/2017 11:38

You are being ridiculous.

I don't see why children should buy you separate gifts. Surely you get one from the family as a whole rather than from individual members?

Original poster
ARudeAwakening · 27/12/2017 14:19

formerbabe I don't mean presents for me! I mean for their parents and each other!

We've not discussed it in detail yet but I think we're going to be saying that at 16 when they get a job they have to start buying their own presents but before that age we plan to be giving them a monthly allowance just for presents (as well as weekly spending money) from about 11 (senior school age) to buy any gifts they need to, that way they're managing it themselves, buying gifts and sticking to a budget but we're not expecting them to pay money they don't have. Iyswim - if that makes sense!

And as I've already said, our families are very close, money is not a 'forbidden subject' for us.

OP posts:
InfiniteCurve · 27/12/2017 14:26
Grin It's funny really,to me it's a no brainer,if you are a teenager with £80 a month coming in ,you buy Christmas presents for your family,because that is partly what money is for,to get gifts for loved ones.They live at home - what else are they going to do with the money? And how families run their finances is indeed their own business but I am perfectly entitled to think they are wrong,and to be quite shocked that teens with that amount of money coming in aren't being expected to save and perhaps sacrifice things they would like to get for themselves to buy their own gifts,at least for parents and siblings.
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 27/12/2017 14:31

I think that this kind of talk makes the act of gift giving ugly.

TheNaze73 · 27/12/2017 15:01

You sound very jealous

Original poster
ARudeAwakening · 27/12/2017 16:33

@TheNaze73
Jealous of what? I seriously don't get why you'd think this or what I'm supposed to be jealous of! ShockHmm

OP posts:
Fitbitironic · 27/12/2017 21:41

A regular gift allowance seems a bit ott unless they have a lot of presents to buy? You're still paying for the presents in that case, so why do you have an issue with your sis paying for the presents from her kids, two of whom are younger than your cut off of 16?

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