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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go on NYE road trip with inlaws?

50 replies

twiney · 27/12/2017 06:31

I've just come back from 4 days away with family for Xmas.
It was great but also quite knackering because we were abroad so getting put and about a lot rather than doing the usual Xmas thing of naps, TV and food.

My DP's family want me to now go with them for another 4 days to celebrate NYE with one of their family members who lives on other side of country. DP doesnt want to go but feels obliged. He says no pressure but his family clearly want me to go.

WIBU to just not? I could do with just a few days to sleep and read before I go back to work, plus I dont want to leave my cats yet again.

WWYD?

OP posts:
LiveLifeWithPassion · 27/12/2017 06:38

Let your dp go off without you.

teaandtoast · 27/12/2017 06:39

Suggest you and your dp visit at Easter instead?

Original poster
twiney · 27/12/2017 06:52

Thanks for your replies, so you wouldnt be offended?

OP posts:
LiveLifeWithPassion · 27/12/2017 06:57

No not at all. In my family, we often do things without partners. It’s fine.
My dh visits his parents without me sometimes and I do the same.
If you’re worried about offending them, come up with an excuse.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 27/12/2017 06:58

I think I might offended if my son had spent all Christmas with his girlfriends family, then she won't return the compliment and see us over new year. Although it would be my son I really wanted to see so if he came no biggie I suppose.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 27/12/2017 06:59

Is it a new invitation? Or been in the diary for a while?

LazyDailyMailJournos · 27/12/2017 06:59

Easy:

No - sorry but I am shattered and I need to get sorted out ready for going back to work, plus I don't want to leave the cats again. However let's sort something out for next NYE.

Original poster
twiney · 27/12/2017 07:25

@ThroughThickAndThin01
No, he spent Xmas with his and me with mine.

I might have quite liked to spend NYE with my BF actually! But I'm happy fpr him to go down if he feels he needs to, just I'd rather stay here.

OP posts:
Original poster
twiney · 27/12/2017 07:26

@ThroughThickAndThin01
Its been floating around for a month but my DP only decided to definitely go last week. I've already said no once.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 27/12/2017 07:29

Ah ok. I think it's fine that you don't go then. Enjoy your time at home.

Original poster
twiney · 27/12/2017 16:03

Urgh I said no and explained I needed to work and am getting a massive guilt trip now about how it's actually only 3 days and it would mean a lot to the family and they're disappointed.

I just dont want to!

As explained earlier I think I've actually been really reasonable, their family see each other every day, there was not even the slightest talk of him coming to spend Xmas with my family, we spent it separately, no problem, but I would have thought then we would spend NYE together going out for drinks or something. So when he said he felt pressured into going down there I thought "oh OK" but if that's what he wants to do then cool. I feel pissed off at being guilt tripped!

OP posts:
TatterdemalionAspie · 27/12/2017 16:08

He's spent Christmas with them, and now they want him to go away with them over NY, and he's choosing to do that rather than spend it with you?

Is he always this in thrall to his family? I'd be pretty annoyed in your shoes, I think.

Original poster
twiney · 27/12/2017 16:15

@TatterdemalionAspie
Well exactly!

I actually feel pretty chilled out about it, it really isnt any skin off my back if he goes - its when all of a sudden I'm actually being guilt tripped that i think it's a bit fucking cheeky?!

OP posts:
missmapp · 27/12/2017 16:22

We are on day 1 of a three day trip to the inlaws, we came straight down after my parents left following a three day stay with us for xhristmas. I would have loved to stay at home but it is not fair to see one side of the family and not the other. If I could have got away with eh going with ds2 and me staying at home I would have jumped at the chance !

Original poster
twiney · 28/12/2017 16:53

OK now I'm really annoyed. After firmly telling her no yesterday (2nd time), his sister has now asked me again for the 3rd time, saying she thought she'd try her luck by asking again and they're all disappointed. WTF??,

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 28/12/2017 17:01

Third time? She’s taking the piss. What have you said and why are they so determined? Run, OP, run!

ThatWasNotLove · 28/12/2017 17:04

That's a bit much. Tell them you didn't know until a week ago that DP was going so haven't planned time away again so soon at such short notice.

And if they're still not listening to that and No, wish them well and then don't answer the phone!

Original poster
twiney · 28/12/2017 17:08

@Maelstrop
First time: I apologised to her and said no, I would need to do some work over those few days (work from home).
She said she was really disappointed.

Second tine was yesterday: I was firmer, this time without apology, reiterated I needed to do work. She said she was really disappointed. Because I was slightly irritated at being asked a second time, I did some guilt tripping of my own (hate these games but thought it might work): I said "I know how you feel, I'm slightly disappointed I wont be spending NYE with DP". Just to ram the point home, like you know, he spent Xmas with you and we were apart, now this too.

Niw she's texted a third time saying as I said above, that their second sister (who is hosting) is really disappointed too, but "shh you didnt hear it from me".

I'm really angry actually. Stop trying to manipulate me. I also think I'm being really fucking reasonable to not have given a shit about where he spends NYE but now that this is happening its making me resent it!

Its 5 hours there and back in the car, I dont want to, and I dont think spending NYE with family, let alone in laws, is the norm - is it??? Shes being a CF right???

OP posts:
Original poster
twiney · 28/12/2017 17:13

@Maelstrop
The part I dont get is how insistent she is. My brother has had the same girlfriend for 8 years, shes nice but I barely know her because she never comes to family stuff - we dont care! I mean we're always really welcoming to her and theres always the understanding she can come to anything my bro comes to, but we presume she has her own life, friends, family so its no pressure?!

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 28/12/2017 17:14

She really is being a CF. If you don’t want to go, then don’t. Chill out, go out with your BF, whatever. TBH, I’d be really pissed off with my DH if he chose to spend NYE with his family having just spent Christmas with them, away from me. Why is she being pushy? What are you going to tell her?

Original poster
twiney · 28/12/2017 17:17

@Maelstrop
Thats the thing! I wasnt even originally pissed off because I know they're a close knit family and NYE isnt a big deal to me, but the more this goes on the more pissed off I am about him doing it. Which is fucked up!

Im not going to reply and I'm going to let my BF deal with it.

Part of me is wondering if its a guilt thing: she's pressured BF into going when he didnt originally want to, so now she thinks she'll get me on board so
A) he has a better time, and
B) she doesn't have to feel like the bitchy SIL who split her brother and his GF up over NYE

You get what I mean? Must be that, because fuck knows why else you'd be so pressureful on someone who isnt family. Im not THAT entertaining!

OP posts:
MoistSheath · 28/12/2017 17:27

Guilt, A & B.

SandAndSea · 28/12/2017 17:38

This is all nonsense on their part. Don't let them manipulate you. Tbh, I'm seeing red flags here.

HundredMilesAnHour · 28/12/2017 17:44

If it's only a 5 hour round trip, can you and your DP (or just your DP) visit the sister and family just for one night rather than 4 days??? Then you get your time at home and with him. I'd be pretty p*ssed off at your DP for disappearing off for 4 days when he's just spent all of Christmas with his family. Is this normal for him?

Original poster
twiney · 28/12/2017 18:07

@HundredMilesAnHour
Its 5 hours each way!!!!!!

OP posts: