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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is DH staying upower til 530 reasonable?

67 replies

Lisaf2015 · 27/12/2017 06:22

I'm booked in for c section on 3rd Jan...tho that doesn't mean baby won't make an appearance early 😉 we have a 27 month DS and live out in the sticks....currently (but that's a whole different thread!)
If I was to go into labour it's an hours drive to hospital.....we were meant to be driving there tomorrow as haven't actually been to see where it is yet, then doing a little shopping as we've friends popping over and we need a xmas gift....just in case! Lol
Anyway, DH has a "games room" as he collects retro video games etc.....and tonight it's got to 530am and he's still in there drinking ! I've been awake since 3 cos I'm so uncomfortable, with baby kicking, needing to wee, cramp etc.....I can't sleep 😣
After arguing that it's unreasonable to still be up drinking at 530 blah blah....I've been in tears for last hour and am on the sofa. He's gonna be still over the limit to drive anywhere tomorrow morning so that's pissed me off.....plus even tho I've had no sleep - and not through choice like him, I'll be the one having to get up with DS 😣

Is he or am I being unreasonable...plus theres the whole what if I went into labour??

OP posts:

WhoAteAllthePercyPigs · 27/12/2017 07:11

Ffs what is wrong with some posters on here! The OP has every right to feel this way! SHe's heavily pregnant, exhausted and needs to know she's not on her own in this! As for driving - sure, I drove at 9 months preg but only short distances. Certainly not a 1 hour trip! My DH didn't drink in the final weeks of me being pregnant just in case. Because babies appear when they want to - my DS arrived at 36 weeks without any warning!

Plus she has to get up with her son whilst feeling so tired - she should be getting a lie in instead!

And why is it BU to refer to her DS as 27 months?? That's just a GF comment.

Pregnancy is a two way thing, can we please remember that?

Good luck OP

Afreshturkeyplease · 27/12/2017 07:11

Op i think your partner is being selfish and inconsiderate. And dont get why so many think this is acceptable

shakingmyhead1 · 27/12/2017 07:12

i would be adopting the rule now.... if he stays out getting shit faced leaving you to solo parent... as soon as the kids wake up you send them in to him to parent, hang over or not its his turn, each and everytime hes been out till the wee hours wake him up and hand him the kids! he will learn not to think he can call a time out on being a dad

Afreshturkeyplease · 27/12/2017 07:12

I also reckon op was using 27 months to highlight her dc was only a young 2. There can be quite a difference in looking after a young 2 and a near 3 year old

Capelin · 27/12/2017 07:15

If you didn’t already have a child I’d say this was no big deal. The bit that would annoy me most would be having to get up with DS to facilitate the gaming. Make sure you get a lie in tomorrow OP - he gets up with DS no matter what time he’s been to bed!

Liskee · 27/12/2017 07:16

Staying up til 5.30 - YABU. He can stay up as late as he likes.
Him drinking when you’re so pregnant is him BU. Being tired is manageable, being hungover and useless is not.
Him now potentially not being able to fulfill your plans for today is him BU. That’s real dickish behaviour. If it was a thing then I’d be asking you more questions, but you’ve said it’s not already, so for now he’s just a dick.

I think you should just accept you’ll be doing the majority of the work today with DC andyou should maybe do the driving on the way to where you’re going today.

If it were me I’d be saying and tomorrow I get a long lie while you get up with DC, and you’re on dinner duty...

captainproton · 27/12/2017 07:17

If it were me I’d give DS his breakfast, and then go out Until after lunch and leave daddy in charge hangover or not.

juliesaway · 27/12/2017 07:20

Anyone who stays up til 530am drinking alone has a drink problem IMO, Christmas or not.

Fruitboxjury · 27/12/2017 07:31

It’s thoughtless of him to have stayed up drinking until 5.30 if it’s ruined anything you have planned together.

I don’t think it being a reccie to the hospital is especially relevant tbh, whatever your plans were he’s making it clear they’re not as important to him as they are to you. It’s not an essential trip but I understand it is one that you want to make.

As that’s the case, I would be waking him up to get him to look after your 2/27m old and taking myself off for the day for a final day’s peace and quiet personally!!!

MaverickSnoopy · 27/12/2017 07:41

YANBU at all.

Plenty of people go into labour when they are booked in for a cesarean and need to get to the hospital quickly. What would happen if you did go into labour and your DH was over the limit? Genuine question, ask him what the plan is.

Babies can come early. My friend had both of her children at 34 and 35 weeks. With her second she was driving with her 2 year old back from my house when she went into labour. She had to drive for a further half an hour before she was home. This is definitely a situation to avoid and whilst driving in pregnancy doesn't need to be avoided (unless due to personal preference you don't want to or there's a medical reason), I don't think you should be driving on your own or without another fellow driver.

My DH hardly drunk towards the end of my pregnancies and if he did drink he always stayed until the drink driving limit. It was the same for my friends and their partners. Given that you will likely not have drunk (or not drunk much) for 9 months, this is not a big ask.

Personally speaking, having had horrendous spd and sciatica with both of my pregnancies I needed every bit of help I could get. Why is it a bad thing for a woman to need or want help at the end of her pregnancy?

Why should you have to put up with this shit? You should be a team and his primary concern should be you, his child and his unborn child.

streetlife70s · 27/12/2017 07:53

I’m 9 months pregnant too and I can’t drive, walk for or stand for long or sit in the same position without crippling back pain and discomfort in pelvis.

I’m not overweight at all, healthy and didn’t experience any of this with other pregnancies. So for those of you who cannot understand why OP is unable to drive for two hours because you did when you were pregnant.....well lucky you!

I think it’s incredibly selfish for him to leave you to get up with your toddler. I’d be fuming. He should be helping out as much as possible and if he is not at work he should no way be boozing the night away and snoozing the day away when you’re like this.

ferntwist · 27/12/2017 07:56

Lolita and Figgy OP doesn’t need to drive there as she’s 9 months pregnant and the whole idea is that her DP knows where to take her if she goes into labour.
Sheesh, what is it with the vipers who just wait to pounce on AIBU and then don’t even read the post properly.

cornishmumtobe · 27/12/2017 07:56

YANBU.

I'm totally with you that a practice run to the hospital is important - you need to feel as calm and in control as you can if you do go into spontaneous labour before your c-section date and if you don't even know where the hospital is this will probably add to the stress.

However, it doesn't actually matter what your plans were, the point is that your partner has unilaterally decided that instead of sticking with the plans you had both made together he would game and drink throughout the night instead. So selfish and it would make my blood boil. I definitely wouldn't let him off childcare though - that's too kind - he needs to learn that his other commitments continue even if he's figured out how to let you down. If you make him parent as usual this morning that should help him understand that he is not a single unit to do as he pleases but part of a bigger family unit where everyone has to pull their weight for the whole family.

Hope you managed to have a nice time with your friends later despite this.

RadioGaGoo · 27/12/2017 07:57

Lol. I couldn't even fit my bump between the seat and the steering wheel. I guess I should have just sucked my stomach in to relieve the incredulity of some posters.

Fairylea · 27/12/2017 07:59

Totally selfish of him. Aside from anything else he’s not going to be in any fit state to participate in looking after your toddler the following day is he? When you’re heavily pregnant and can’t sleep that alone is hugely unreasonable. I left my ex over similar behaviour. It’s just immature when you have a family (unless it is literally a night out or a night up once in a blue moon in normal circumstances). My dh loves games but no way would he behave like this.

Smeaton · 27/12/2017 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonShark · 27/12/2017 08:03

YANBU to be upset. Hopefully he'll apologise when he's had chance to think about why it upset you so much. He can stay up as long as he likes but it's unfair to assume you'll see to your kid in the morning while he has a lovely lie in. This is the time when he should be treating you well and giving you plenty of time to rest, before the baby arrives! He's also foolish to drink over the driving limit when he knows he could have to drive you to hospital at any moment. Literally what were his plans if you'd have needed to get to hospital at 7am? I'd ask him that.

Was he drunk? Cos drinking all night could mean sinking eight cans and being drunk as a skunk or a far more acceptable half a bottle of wine or a couple cans of cider. Also did he possibly stop drinking before midnight and just stay up playing his games? As he might not have been too drunk to drive by morning. Still foolish though to be incapacitated at any point.

PolkaDotFlamingo · 27/12/2017 08:05

I’m also 9 months and can’t drive. Last time I could, this time I can’t as every pregnancy is completely different. YADNBU! He’s so selfish. My DH is doing 12 hour shifts this week and still doing everything at home + everything with our toddler when he’s here as I’m in so much pain walking. I would be so livid if he behaved like yours.

flumpybear · 27/12/2017 08:09

Totally unreasonable! eBay if you went into labour in the night? How would he drive you an hour away in that state?!

BeyondThePage · 27/12/2017 08:18

If she went to labour in the night and there was no one able to drive, she'd ring 111 and they would help, or get a taxi (have a couple of bed-pads ready!), or knock on a neighbour's door, or ring everyone they know and I'm sure something would come of it.

He's selfish, but OP knows that - and needs a back up plan.

Beltane18 · 27/12/2017 08:20

Omd these replies! He's being a total wanker. Is he always like this?

Khaleesi0 · 27/12/2017 08:22

Anyone who stays up til 530am drinking alone has a drink problem IMO, Christmas or not.

This. My ex used to regularly stay up until 7am, and still had to look after his child the next day. He gets nasty with alcohol too. Just one of the many alcohol-related reasons he's now an ex...

apostropheuse · 27/12/2017 08:23

YANBU! He's behaving like a complete arse, for all of the reasons the other posters have already said.

Nip his childish, selfish, inconsiderate behaviour in the bud. Don't doubt yourself - he's totally in the wrong. He really isn't showing you that he loves you and wants to support you, prioritising you and your son's needs before his desire to play with his toys is he?

lovelyjubilly · 27/12/2017 08:23

He's being totally unreasonable.

I'm having a section tomorrow and DH accidentally without thinking poured himself a glass of wine on Christmas day. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea and without hesitating he poured it back into the bottle.

blackteaplease · 27/12/2017 08:30

Lolita why are you being so rude?Even with an planned c-section there is a chance of spontaneous labour. If the hospital is an hours drive they would need to get there pretty quickly.
I live in a similar situation and was told to get to hospital asapnif labour started before my elms.

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